Tag Archives: writing

It’s coming!!! Are you ready?

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April 20th is right around the corner!

Five days!

Wait… What? That’s Monday?

Well I better get right on that then.

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1000 Voices of Compassion is launching a link-up again. This month’s theme is all about Nurturing. There are even some writing prompts idea if you were like me and sat there thinking. Compassion, Nurturing. compassion. nurturing. yeah, they go together but where do I start.

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Remember this is not just for people who have blogs. IF you want to write something, email it to us. We will post it on the main blog page! Published! Boom Baby!

Check back here on Monday for the link-up and get some good feelings flooded into ya! We all need that from time to time to balance out well, reality. Not that reality can’t be good, it just isn’t always.

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It is not over …..A call to action…..#1000speak

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Did you miss linking up for `1000 voices speak for compassion but want to? Well the good news is; it is continuing!! Be sure you are following the FACEBOOK, TWITTER, GOOGLE+ and the BLOG!

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Quote found on Pinterest Robert E. Ricciardelli

March 20th 1000 voices speak for compassion is continuing.The subject is still compassion but has a more specific tone, building on bullying. You can write on any subject about compassion and link-up. We just thought compassion encompasses so much we could narrow it down a little as well. Please do not feel you HAVE to write about bullying. We do want to stress that the emphasis should remain on a positive light. Some thoughts to consider: Can we have compassion for bully’s? Why should we have compassion for bully’s.  Do Bully’s deserve compassion? How would I show a bully compassion? Do I model being compassionate to ALL people(including bullys) to my child? How can I show compassion to someone I consider a bully? I will be writing specifically about having compassion for bully’s, not the behavior but the person. It is quite a thought to wrap your brain around, I know.

 

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Quote found on Pinterest

Stay tuned for the link up on March 20th and GET WRITING!!!

When was the last time you….

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Stopped to smell the roses. Wait, no I am serious.

As parents we have a unique chance to always enjoy the little things. We just have to remember what it is like to be a child, when everything is new and wonderful.

Does it really take that much out of our day to

……Stop and smile as you watch a butterfly flit around.

…….splash in a puddle or two after the rain.

…….wore something just because it made you happy.

I find that when the pain is the worst or the most annoying that if I focus in on what my daughter is involved in, the pain isn’t as bad. It may mean that I have to get down on her level. Let’s worry about getting back up when it comes time.  Sometimes with chronic pain and parenthood we are so focused on doing that we forget to just ….be. That it’s okay to slow down. Sometimes just acknowledging that I am in a lot of pain and to slow down is enough to lessen it.

One of the joys in my life right now, is that I am an auntie and a family friend to enough other kids that I have my pick of age ranges. I can immerse myself in the infant stage or just chill with some eight year olds. If I am feeling really adventurous I even have a teenager or two I could annoy. I regularly get to enjoy my friends five year old as I help out by taking her to Tae Kwon Do. I am so immersed in the life of a parent of an eight year old that I forget what five was like.  Sometimes it is not that thrilling. I completely forgot how at five my daughter was slow as molasses on doing ….well….anything. I forget how determined to do it themselves they are at one.  I forget how exciting and perplexing a bird is to a nine month old.

Its amazing to me how much even just five minutes focusing on them can help sort us out. The pain is a bit more manageable, the stress is still there its just less. Does it always work? Nope. If I am really honest with myself though, its because I have not been slowing down enough. It is because I am trying to do everything all at once. There is so much guilt associated with being a parent who is in chronic pain that we tend to push our limits, all the time. It doesn’t help us. This is something I work at remembering every day.

When was the last time you……..

Sat in the grass and examined it for bugs?

pulled a part a flower to see what is inside?

stopped to blow on a dandelion?

took delight in watching the birds fly around?

As I think about the last five years dealing with chronic pain and parenthood. There were times that it was so easy to ignore everything around me and focus on the pain. It has been a slow  journey to find myself again. The things that stand out in my mind are when I was basically hyper focusing on my child/family instead of my issues. Unplanned moments that just stick out in my mind.  Will my daughter look back and see a parent in pain or a parent involved?

I hope and strive for a parent involved.

The quiet grief

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It is so subtle.

It is just a little niggle in the back of your heart.

People talk about a ticking biological clock but, who thinks it is still ticking after you have had a baby? It didn’t even occur to me that is what I was feeling.

After all the years of infertility, after the miscarriages you would think I would recognize it.

People talk about aching ovaries, but they don’t tell you it is your heart that aches.

My biological clock is screaming tick tick tick tick. It has me thinking about what a second child would look like. Would this baby be such a complete blend of both my husband and I as our daughter is? Would this baby have blue eyes I could get lost in like my husband and daughter do? What kind of bond would my daughter have with her newest sibling?

My brain tells me that it is not responsible to get pregnant any time soon. Financially or even medically,probably both,  it would be a disaster.

I have said I am done having kids for awhile. I mean it. I know in my brain that we are done.

Then a friend is pregnant, or someone has a baby.

I thought I had worked through this and was on my way to I don’t know….. worrying or grieving about something else. When all of a sudden my biological clock says HELLO, I want a baby!  It just adds a little melancholy to otherwise sweet moments snuggling others babies.

It is only made worse when people ask when are you having another one. When someone complains about how chaotic it is having more than one kid. When someone asks how many kids I wanted. Just a little nudge, just a small twist. Its like a barb that is lodged in your heart and words can just nudge it just a bit, make you wince.

It is not something I bring up often because I am truly and completely happy for my friends with new babies. I am completely thrilled with hearing all the details of pregnancy and breastfeeding and all the cute little newborn things. I don’t want anyone to think they can’t tell me that stuff. I was at that place once, when we were dealing with infertility. I don’t want that strain on my friendships.

It really is this quiet grief, a grief of what can not be.

It seems in my blog reading I keep clicking on others, others about rainbow babies, and infertility and new babies. Not to say I am not happy for them, Not to say I don’t get the warm fuzzy feelings that are meant to be conveyed. Its like that small smile of happiness that doesn’t quite chase the sadness from your eyes.

I debated even publishing this. I thought well I wrote it, I got it out, so maybe now it won’t be so heavy on me. Then I thought about my readers, others who struggle with multiple chronic illnesses at a young age that know they can’t or shouldn’t have more babies.  It is a personal look deep down but so much of what we deal with is super personal. So here it is.

A lot going on in there

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On the tail edges of my cymbalta withdrawl, I have been completely off of it for four days. I will be starting prozac on monday. All that to say, I have not been able to handle my normal amount of stimulation. I can’t have the tv on while I am on the laptop while also sending texts, while having at least ten tabs open on the laptop. I have been reading more. Sometimes it is my current books that I am reading,yes books as in plural..I have three going right now. Sometimes it is blogs. I have taken the time to go a bit slower. Really digest what each blog I read is saying. You know I have been really big on #Depressedbutdressed in collaboration with It’s not my workout.  For once I have been taking the time to follow embedded links. It is where I stumbled upon One Little Word (http://aliedwards.com/shop/one-little-word-2014). I have been thinking and reading other blogs that have posted their word.

What would my word be?

Sorting through words that describe me, or that I want to focus on, or that I want to be better at, I come across these.

Love

Honesty

Integrity

Courage

Thrive

Inspiring

Starting to break these down into what I could do with them on my own since I can’t pay for the workshop right now, it was interesting to me. Even a little eye opening.

Love being the first one. Without love I am nothing. If I don’t love myself I can’t love others. Love must coat and cover everything I do without smothering at the same time. There is one song that I will always always always sing out at the top of my lungs when it comes on. It is the one that when I am having a bad day, it starts to turn it around. Love is all you need by the Beatles. It is not by coincidence that the very next song on my playlist after that is Eight days a week. I may have a thing for the Beatles huh. I mean those two songs just say it all.

Honesty is the second one I keep close. I love the TV show Bones primarily for Dr. Temperance Brennan. I admire her ability to be honest,even if it is socially painful sometimes. Really we need more of that. Maybe a little less of the ego but, I have to say she has earned her ego. When I was in the midst of teenage years and untreated ADD/OCD I was really horrible at honesty. For me this word still circles around love as well. When you love someone you want to be honest with them. When you start by loving yourself, you tend to be more honest with yourself. Even when it is not pretty.Once you do that, being honest with everyone is a natural next step.

The third one may catch some of the people who know me off guard. I have been told over and over I am so courageous to deal with what I deal with everyday. I am glad I project that. It is not however how I always feel. Most of the time I feel like Piglet. Piglet doesn’t even realize that sometimes just the fact that you keep going is courage. It is something that escapes my notice a lot. Yet again I find that this word ties into the first two. Because I love myself, I can be honest with others when they say I so admire all that you do on a daily basis. I can tell them, thank you it means a lot to hear that because I rarely feel I am doing anything really major. I am again forced to stop and think about what exactly I am doing everyday. What I am doing that they admire.

Thrive has really what the last year almost two years has been about for me. Finding ways to thrive in spite of everything that is going on. Finding happiness during hard times.  I am not letting go of thrive either. It is an ongoing pursuit and goal.

So the last word I came up with is inspiring. I didn’t start my facebook page or this blog for anyone other than me. It was more of an attitude of this is for me and if it helps someone else great. It has been slowly shifting to , I want it to inspire others. I want it to show others that we are not just our illness. I want it to show others that there is no reason you can’t thrive in the life you are living right this very moment.In an odd way this started about me, became about others and is slowly becoming about me again. Becoming about me as others inspire me or ask for advice, I tend to go back inside myself and look at things. I have made progress in areas because others asked for advice and I had to really look at something. Often times it was something I knew I was sort of dealing with but not really. Others have become my inspiration to keep making progress on my own issues.

I don’t really think I could find one word that I would stick to. I will keep thinking about it and I have followed some specific blogs that are participating in one little word. I want to make sure that my ADD does not let this project fizzle out of my head and get lost in the 1,324,4545,4591,342,528 other things that my brain likes to bounce around.

Mental health acceptance..a personal choice

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Accepting you have a mental illness is hard. It is really hard. It takes different people different lengths of time.Some never get there. Its a process. Its even scarier when you have a family history of mental illness. Of multiple mental illnesses. It is always looming there. You wonder if it is actually happening or if you are just so afraid of it happening. Family says ” oh we are just a family of worriers. Nothing wrong with that.” There isn’t. Until that’s all you do.  Worry is different from anxiety.  I was even at one point told by a doctor for years.. Mother’s worry. Its what they do. It is not a concern. When worry keeps you up at night, wakes you up at night, interferes with work its a concern. It’s a big concern.

I was lucky. I had a change in insurance.  I was forced to change doctors. I am not sure if I had not changed doctors if I would have made the progress I have made. I am actually pretty sure I wouldn’t have. I would have continued burning myself at all ends and continued to destroy myself. My next doctor did medicate… that is all I did for awhile. I didn’t need help. I had this. It was just a chemical imbalance. I didn’t need counseling.

Then one day I was sweeping my daughters already clean room. I barely had any dirt to sweep into the pan. I remember that day so clearly. My eighteen month old daughter was clapping saying. Clean room. I knew something was wrong. This was not what an almost two year old should be happy about.

I don’t think I made any progress that first year. Not really. Tiny little baby steps.

I made progress. Four years or so in therapy. A lot of talking. Walls came down slowly.

Strangely enough I was not able to do some of the things until my therapist retired. I was suddenly at a loss. I didn’t want to find someone new.  I had  enough therapy. Stuff was still not completely fixed. I burned some bridges I know that. I don’t think for me it could have been done any other way. It was messy. It was quick. While it happened. It was the longest time of my life. Ugly cry does not even touch what happened. I was sure I had just destroyed my life. My daughters life. I had just destroyed my marriage. I was sure of it.

None of those things happened. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who said we will make it work. It will be okay.  My daughters life is not ruined. In fact I think it has been enriched by the experiences we went through. In ways I could never have imagined. Instead of destroying my life I had found my life. Again.

I thought about all this as I talked with a friend about mental illness.  In a lot of ways she gets it. She understands. She has supported me in some of that rough burning bridges patch. In some ways, not so much. They take things personally when its not personal. It astounds her.  They know that they take it personal. I agree with this and I disagree with it. Someone who has been through therapy may know they take it personal. However being able to tell when you are taking it personally and when you are not. THAT. That is much much much harder.

I know I am not the norm. I know I am hyper aware of a lot of my mental health issues. Much more than most people. I talk about it easily, openly. Its just how I work. It is NOT how all people with the same diagnosis as me. It is a very personal choice and it happens at different times for people to be open and honest about mental health issues.  It doesn’t mean it doesn’t blur for me. It doesn’t mean I am always making progress. It doesn’t mean I take a few steps backwards. If I hold myself to be honest then I can say I have done all of those things.  I will probably never stop doing them. I don’t know about accepting that but I am okay with that.  I know when I try to tell myself that I am past that, that is when I get into trouble. Truthful acceptance , its a work in progress.

I got a box!

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Nevermind the fact that I asked for the box to be sent to me.

I GOT A BOX! It was like Christmas came early!

I tore into it not unlike a kid at Christmas time.

And then the Mamalode exploded on my bed.

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I had to spend some time pouring through them. Laundry and dishes obviously had to wait. This was way more important.

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Not only was I excited by the back copies but I also was touched by the card and that inside it was handwritten. It is rare anymore that anyone anywhere sends things handwritten unless they are among friends.

As Mothers we are pulled in so many different directions all at the same time. This is a perfect magazine to have in the car to flip through while sitting in carline. There are quick little reads as well as longer articles. One thing that really caught my attention was the last page, a poem by a child typically a preteen or teenager. I love seeing things from their perspective.

So I took some to the baby rhyme and sign at the library and it was a pretty big hit. Some of the kids were actually a little more interested in the bright and colorful candy on the front…ooops.

Princes P says it tastes just fine.

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So I read some as I was waiting for the girls to get out of school. I kind of just flipped through but got stuck on one about pregnancy loss. It touched me deeply and it took all I could do to not cry in the car. There is a little section in the front called “Because I said so.” very easy to read a submission here in under a minute. Truthfully a friend of mine keeps her Mamalode and other Mommy magazines in the bathroom. You know sometimes that is the only few minutes we mothers get to ourselves.

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The girls were pretty enthralled with the back copies. There were a lot of discussions about pictures and it turned out some of them were advertising pictures. Something that as a Mommy I passed right over.  There was some discussion about what a trailhead was….which quickly digressed into what happened at school today.

However they were drawn back after our trip to the library, yes my second trip today, for reading with the dogs. I looked back at the stop light to see this in the back seat.

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I am pretty sure however from the amount of giggling that they were whispering amongst themselves and using Mamalode to “hide” from me.

On the Facebook page for this blog I call our followers Stalkers. Stalkers in a good way. We support each other and laugh together. This is exactly what Mamalode does as well. So go be a good stalker and follow them everywhere. I do and its nice to see things pop up in newsfeeds and whatnot amongst all the other things that are in my newsfeed. This is one that feeds me. So that I can keep feeding others.

So get stalking already!

Instagram: http://instagram.com/mamalode

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Mamalode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Mamalode

Pintrest: http://www.pinterest.com/mamalode/

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MamalodeTV
and of course good old fashioned online website :http://mamalode.com/

When Mania strikes

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I used to shop……..it was on sale. the kid needs more clothes I need the next size up I need this. I NEED. You could not tell me it was being foolish or ruled by impulse. I have no credit cards now because I have no restraint with them whatsoever. If I feel I need something even if its more like a want, CHARGE IT. I wasn’t always aware of why I needed to shop or why I was doing it even knowing I didn’t really have the money to do it.  It took time in therapy before I realized it.

So with my therapist I tried to focus some of my mania. I am not bipolar. I don’t get caught in the grip like someone with bipolar does. I have Attention Deficit Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder with a mix of Anxiety and depression. I still have to balance what is a healthy amount to do all of these. Sometimes I get so focused on them.

I write lists…….I write detailed and long lists that detail each thing I need to do each day. I write out days worth of lists at one sitting sometimes. Its my way of regaining some control. I don’t do good with long term lists. I need to check off each thing. Waiting weeks or months to check it off. Drives. Me. NUTS. I have notebooks that I use and I throw them away when I am done. This is an on and off again thing. I start and stop and a lot of it depends on how out of control I feel, or my life feels.

I clean. I don’t think, I clean. Wash the dishes. Clear the counters, wipe down the counters. Wipe down the appliances. Is that dirt on that wall? Better spray it down. Sweep the floors. Vacuum the floors. Mop the floors. Move the laundry along. Scrub the tub. Sometimes, rarely but sometimes, I even go systematically through each room. Most of the time it’s clear the counters, take something to put it away. Straighten the bathroom counter, move laundry along, go back to the kitchen counter. Do the dishes. I use enough spray cleaner that there is no doubt in anyone’s minds that I cleaned. My hands are dry and wrinkly and probably slightly chemical burned. I don’t pay attention to any of that. I attack the dirt.

I write…. I can’t tell you how many posts I never publish. I type it all out or talk to text it all out. Then erase it. Sometimes it stays in my draft folder for weeks or months, but mostly I delete it. I just needed to get it out. I wouldn’t want to hurt others with thoughts I have so it’s not published. Sometimes I just need to see how I am feeling in black and white. Okay and most of the time with little judgey red squiggly lines that I spelled it wrong, too.

I disregard what I should not eat and eat whatever I want. Normally candy, chocolate pastries. It’s a bit different than when I am pms-ing because I am not always aware I am eating too much until I have a stomach ache. There is something that takes over and whatever it is . It’s all I want. Every day at lunch. Every night after dinner. Whatever it is. This actually I have gotten better at controlling myself over. Mainly from weight gain and how I don’t like what I see anymore. Sometimes that is all it takes. Sometimes it takes more control for this exact reason too.

I go for walks . Long walks by myself. I don’t really think out what is bothering me. Instead I focus on nature. I absorb the peace that nature offers. I walk until I start to think again. Until I start wondering what time it is. How far have I walked? What I am going to eat for lunch. I sit when I need to. I walk. sometimes I stand still. I don’t pay attention to the pain. I don’t give it attention. When I have my camera in my hand nothing else matters. The wonder of nature takes a hold of me too. When I get back to my car its like coming out of a fog but something has settled in my mind and I feel renewed. The angst I am the more I walk. The more the NEED to walk drives my thoughts. I have even been driving somewhere saw a park. Felt the need.  Sent a text…Going to be late and walked til I was satisfied.

I used to be able to do the same thing with reading. To the point that my husband would tell me I loved my books more than him. I would spend days in bed reading if I didn’t have to work. When I was working I wanted to be reading. I can still do this but most of the time I am entirely too tired to do this. I read and fall asleep. I have always had this routine so add Chronic Fatigue from the chronic pain. I fall asleep way to easily reading.

Honestly checking in with myself

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So recently I have been thinking……about a lot of things. This is kind of a hodgepodge of that thinking.

I need to get actual employment. Of some sort. Somehow I would manage this. Even though I know physically, mentally I am not up to even part time working, being a mother , a wife and still being me. Is this really a need or a want? Hmm. hard to tell.

I really started to think about this. I starting thinking what works in my life right now.  When I realized….everything. Sure there are issues. Sure there are bumpy areas. However, It works. For the most part I am content. I am enjoying being able to help my friends and also lavish attention and love and care on Snickerdoodle and Princess P. That as much as I may complain about the kid. She is a good kid. I enjoy being able to be fully involved in school and home life.  Don’t ask me about that in the middle of the summer though, or two weeks before school starts. I do however realize now how much I do love the fifteen minutes waiting in carline…Listening to NPR or spent reading.  Even though the time may have flown by to pick her up. The energy she brings into the car is amazing. She truly is my sunshine.

I feel my marriage is pretty strong and that we are pretty good in that area. Even though yes….I complain sometimes there too.  He is a good guy.  One of the few good catches.. Sorry girls…he is mine..He is very much taken.   He is taking care of us, he is the rock of our family.  I still am not quite sure how he has put up with me for almost fifteen years now. IT boggles my mind. All that aside we are a good team. We made a beautiful daughter. We may not always see eye to eye but we make it work.

Then I look at what I am not doing, I am not falling into an exhausted pile of goo at seven pm. Not even able to put my daughter to bed. I can’t say there aren’t days. there are. Its just not happening every single night.  I am not using medications to get me through the day. I do still take medication just not nearly the amount I used to. Going off some of those medications made me realize how much they were actually allowing me to function. I don’t want to function only by medication alone. I didn’t have time for friends, or a social life if I wanted one outside the scope of work and the kid’s school. I didn’t have time to help friends and I was constantly torn by working or helping my family when they need it.

I have never been good at waiting and I always wanted to jump ahead. I didn’t want to start at the bottom and work my way up. I wanted what I wanted right this minute. I felt like I had to be the important person to feel accomplished and worthwhile. Now that is not so important. I feel fulfilled in what I am doing now. I finally feel like I am doing what is right for me. The thing that surprises me the most is the people who have supported me in the past two years and kept reminding me that self contentment was important too.

We don’t have a lot of money. Getting a job would help that. My question keeps coming back to is it worth it. Is it worth it to get a job, any job, and loose what I have now. What i have worked for two years to get to. Two years with minimal therapy I might add.  So we don’t have a lot of money. We have enough most of the time. We have other things that money can’t buy.

Writing is helping in many ways. Not just me, others have emailed me. Its been incredible the people that it has touched. I don’t think I am the best writer. There are other blogs that I follow that I think say things so much more eloquently than I. I am grateful that some of them actually talk with me, guide me and  help me. A few of them have even reminded me that it doesn’t matter about the quality of the writing skills if it helps someone else..That’s what matters. Grateful.

Some people run from self analysis……I apparently adore it. I can’t stop doing it.Sometimes I drive myself nuts with it, I drive my friends nuts with it. The good ones know its just how I am. The one thing that therapy taught me was I have to be honest with myself. I have to put myself on trial so to speak. Swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So maybe I don’t over analyze myself too much. Maybe because there are things I want to change that all this self-analysis is keeping me honest with myself. I went through years of therapy without doing this. I didn’t change any of the things I wanted to change.  I made progress but it was painfully slow. I was constantly frustrated that things were not changing, remember that whole lack of patience thing.  Strangely enough it wasn’t til after I stopped therapy, my therapist retired, that the changing started to happen. No longer was I pouring my frustrations out to someone else. Now I was alone with my thoughts. That was kinda scary at first.  I am good at being in denial…..but not the denial that can’t see whats wrong…..the kind that sees the problem and whispers not now and tip toes around it. Then one day I am ready and it goes down. Sometimes its because the issue had a deadline. Sometimes its just because I have talked myself in circles enough that I just want to deal with it and get it gone.

The more I have thought about this, that I constantly look at what I am doing what I am feeling, you know what it does make me? Grateful.  Grateful that I have the friends that I do, the family that I have, the life that I have.  Incredibly grateful.

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Why I write

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Some people have asked why I write? Why not?  Why do I write? What do I write about. I will attempt to answer this without going off on a  tangent. 

I am not saying that I think I am this super great writer. I am not.  I am sure no one will read my posts every single time I post. 

I am saying if you have a desire to write, write. Try not to worry about who will read it. For years Talk Therapy worked really well for my anxiety and to help give me the ability to discern what was important. I floundered for a year without therapy. Then I started reading more and more blogs. I started to see this maybe an outlet for me. A from of therapy.  It didn’t matter what others thought if it was helping me then great. 

Slowly ever so slowly it has become more and more about helping other people. Helping other see they are not alone. 

I started the page first.  I was encouraged by a great friend who really believes in me to write. I wasn’t sure I was ready to do that so I felt starting a page would be a good first step. I asked my friend Jenn to join me so again it took some pressure off. It was not about the numbers. How many likes I could get. It was about seeing if there were people out there who would listen. It turned to be how we can help each other. I still have no idea how I have over three thousand followers. That just amazes me on a daily basis.  I have tried not to take the numbers dropping as a personal insult. Try to keep that therapy speak going in my brain. Its not about me. Its not about me. To just keep going with the people who are staying. That are finding the help. 

More and more I want to write things that help others.  It’s a different kind of therapy.  Its working for me though. Getting things off my chest that are bothering me or holding me back.  

Except when it doesn’t. When I want to write. When I feel the need to write. The things I am thinking are not for sharing though. They are mine. They are not ready to be shared. SO I look for ways to write and satisfy that need and still help others too.  

I don’t write in a convenient little niche. I am not just a parent. I am not just a chronic illness patient. I am not just a wife. I am not just a photographer, a nature enthusiast or a book lover. I am all the above. I am a mix of it all.  I don’t relate only to one subject so why should i only write about one thing. I take pictures….obsessively. I don’t consider myself a great photographer. But the very fact that I love taking them makes me relate to what others say about photography.  I don’t consider myself an expert about hiking or enjoying nature. We do however follow up on our curiosity. Why are there no daddies in with the mommy and baby goats. Why do mullets jump? Why do Ospreys make so much noise when they have a fish? Just how long do bee’s live anyway?  I like reading reviews of books, I like writing them as well. I don’t think I am a budding book reviewer either. Its just something I can relate to. I am no marriage counselor but I can give advice, I can also take it. I think chronic illness and parenting speak for themselves. 

If you want to write…..write….If you want to take pictures…take them. Don’t wait. Don’t wonder who will care. YOU CARE. Maybe after a few times you realize no ….not something I want to pursue. The mistake we have been told is that its something you only do when you are trying to find your place in this world. The truth is….we are always trying to find our place in this world. We are always learning what we do like and don’t like. When we stop doing that. We stop living.