Tag Archives: sex

Glitterbombs and birthdays and sleep oh my! Ten Things of Thankful

Standard

Ten Things. Ten things of Thankful. Ten big things. Ten little things. Ten big and little things. Ten things that are big to me but little to you. Ten things that are little to me but big to you. Can you find ten things to be thankful for in the past seven days? Can you do it and not change your attitude? I dare you to try it.

1ed57-tenthingsbanner

How has it been a whole week already? Forget that how has it been a whole school year already? Summer is indeed here. School is out. However, that does not mean the thankfuls stop. It might even increase the thankfuls, come August. Oh okay probably it will just increase the thankfuls. So lets get right down to it.  If you know me….you know its also going to be picture heavy. Pictures take the place of my short term memory sometimes or something like that. They help me remember. So I take A LOT of pictures.

1. BIRDS!

The Black Skimmer nesting area

The Black Skimmer nesting area

Black Skimmers cooling off in the water. Its not injured. Their top beak is actually that short. They literally skim the water for food, eating fish up to five inches long.

Black Skimmers cooling off in the water. Its not injured. Their top beak is actually that short. They literally skim the water for food, eating fish up to five inches long.

This still amazes me. Some of these clouds only showed up once I took the picture. It was so weird to look at the spot I took the picture of and look at the picture and see two different things. I am sure its because of Science.

This still amazes me. Some of these clouds only showed up once I took the picture. It was so weird to look at the spot I took the picture of and look at the picture and see two different things. I am sure its because of Science.

2. being able to reach out and help members of our church in return.

Our church has been so amazingly supportive. It was a great feeling helping not one but two church members this week.

3. Sleep. I hesitate to say this but I think the thyroid meds might have fully kicked in. I have been getting some down right decent sleep in the wee hours of the morning and that is normally my hardest time to sleep. Whatever it is, I will take it and just in time for summer vacation. Don’t bother Mommy until at least eight am okay. Okay. yeah. That will happen.

4. Continuing birthday celebrations

Somewhat sad it is not alcoholic but it was good for me!. It is water kefir. This one flavored like a mojito!!

Somewhat sad it is not alcoholic but it was good for me!. It is water kefir. This one flavored like a mojito!!

The famous dark chocolate flourless cake. This time we didn't split a slice. We each had a slice. That was one heck of a sugar rush!

The famous dark chocolate flourless cake. This time we didn’t split a slice. We each had a slice. That was one heck of a sugar rush!

More birthday presents!!! Two down comforters I am now wedged between them at night. AHHHHHHH!!!!

More birthday presents!!! Two down comforters I am now wedged between them at night. AHHHHHHH!!!!

Ignore the mess of the car, its been cleaned since then. A new Whovian Shirt and a new Sherlock cup!!!

Ignore the mess of the car, its been cleaned since then. A new Whovian Shirt and a new Sherlock cup!!!

5. Unexpected glitter bombs

IMG_20150526_153241

A very special and sweet lady sent me this. Can you guess who? Glitter, a ladybug!! and glitter tattoo! and a medal for winning at life!!!  This time I opened it on my bed and not in my car. Much easier to clean up.

6. NEW PLANTS. I can’t promise I won’t kill them in the end but remember a while back we got anti-mosquito plants for around the hammock.. well all but one of them are still alive. Plus I have kept a small herb garden going for six months now. So I inherited a cucumber plant and everglades tomato plant. Maybe my black thumb is starting to turn somewhat brownish green.

These I don’t have pictures of yet. Everglade tomatoes are a native to Florida Tamatoe! (I spelled it both ways so however you say it, one is right!)

7 networking in unexpected places.

Someone I met online, who lives local. Like minds and so much we can do together to help the community and each other in so many ways.

8 Princess P!!! We got to spend some time together on Wednesday. Hopefully with Summer coming there will be more playdates!

The face. Omg she kills me with cuteness!

The face. Omg she kills me with cuteness!

All the selfies. ALLLLLL THE SELFIES!

All the selfies. ALLLLLL THE SELFIES!

Might just be my new favorite picture of her.

Might just be my new favorite picture of her.

9. These lizards

Yes. Yes they are. Not only were they, they froze and just looked at me. I left them be but it cracked me up they just froze like they got caught.

Yes. Yes they are. Not only were they, they froze and just looked at me. I left them be but it cracked me up they just froze like they got caught.

10. Juicing!

I have gotten back in the swing of it and I have to say; I am not sure I would have survived this week without juicing each morning. Cucumbers, ginger, turmeric, beets, and sometimes greens and garlic. Oh and lemons.

Then I had the great idea to add some juice to some recently ready Kombucha and let it ferment a bit longer.

BY far the best batch I have made. I drank the whole liter in one day. There was no self control.

And fizz. Yes I had alll the fizz. I have never had it punch a hole in the ziplock bag. Despite precautions I got coated in Kombucha. Definitely doing this again.

And fizz. Yes I had alll the fizz. I have never had it punch a hole in the ziplock bag. Despite precautions I got coated in Kombucha. Definitely doing this again.

There they are, My ten Things. Now, How about you? Join the blog hop or just come and read and get all the warm fuzzies.

 

”Ten

Married,Kids, Sex and Chronic Illness

Standard

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a couple brats in the baby carriage.  No one invited chronic illness. It ends up being like the elephant in the room. Only the room it is in most often is the bedroom. Because after even the mildest of days, it is the last thing on our mind. Most days I am done by six pm, it is shear stubbornness that allows for dinner to be done, showers taken and finally tuck the kid into bed. There are some days that even with my stubbornness it is my husband who finishes up the day.

Please don’t tell me that sex produces endorphins and it will make you feel good. I am sure it does. The point is more , I am fighting back pain and fatigue and that is not even a basic priority.  There has to be some kind of desire and as much as I love my husband I just don’t have the energy to invest in that most nights.

I used to feel bad that I would often have to take pain medications in order to make it happen. It just went against every romantic notion I have ever had. I have come to a level of acceptance on this. I am not medicating because it is a pain to do. I am medicating to return myself to some semblance of human. I am taking measures to make sure I can enjoy it as well. So if that means I need to medicate thirty minutes before …then that is what I have to do.

We seem to have fallen into a rhythm that works for us. Most of the time we plan what day it will happen. Its just something that works for us. I did balk at scheduling sex at first. I know it is highly recommended by therapist. In fact my therapist suggested it when we were struggling with the whole we have a kid now how do we still have sex thing. It seems unrealistic, but really the books and tv shows where it just happens is the more unrealistic view. The important things get scheduled. If that means you schedule a date night knowing what comes after date night, then that is what happens. If it means you schedule sex, then you schedule sex. It can seem like it would take the fun of it out of the equation. It just means you have to work a little harder to make it fun. Daydreaming about it helps.

Chronic illness has taken our marriage and sex life through more trials and tribulations than the whole we have a kid and are so severely sleep deprived ever did. While a kid may take a nap and you can sneak off to the bedroom. Chronic illness has taken away morning time. Morning time I wake up feeling more like a flattened pancake than anything else and romantic that is not.  With having a kid there are very few and far between chances for a little something something in the middle of the day. So most of the time it is going to be right before bedtime. Chronic illness has now dictated that the most activity that can happen after sex is maybe a bath. Maybe. Piled with epsom salt or after wards rubbing down with arnica gel or biofreeze or whatever pain go away cream you use.  Then collapsing and hoping for oblivion of sleep to kick in. At least for a little bit. Chronic illness is a greedy little bitch.

Chronic illness has taken away the options of  Kama Sutra. Now its what position causes the least amount of discomfort and also the least amount of pain afterwards.  Never had to even consider that  after having the kid, well after the initial healing process after spitting a watermelon through a cherry sized hole. Enough said.

I have found it helps to start first thing in the morning, reminding yourself that it will be happening tonight.  That might mean making time to read a short  but sexy story. It might mean taking five or ten minutes while the kids are outside to watch something that turns you on. It does not necessarily have to be porn, plenty of hot moviestars that can flip a switch for you!  It takes some planning sometimes to make sure you are preparing your body and mind. It helps though I promise, like I said: daydreaming.

I really don’t have any words of wisdom on how to explain why to your significant other. I have been extremely lucky and my husband is extremely understanding in this area.  This is not saying he doesn’t get frustrated, he does. It is understandable.  It is frustrating. Just like in a lot of things, your significant other has got to want to understand. Truly want to understand. The best tool you can use is constant communication. Sit down and discuss what each other’s expectations are and what is realistic. You both have to go into these conversations expecting to compromise.  Chronic Illness makes compromise even more important than it normally is.

It is not perfect. It will be something you have to come back to time and time again. There will be times when someone has to accept that it may have been planned but it is just not going to happen. Really all I have to say is IBS flare and its a non issue. I mean really…think about that for a second. Sometimes there is also going to have to be cancelled plans the next day because Chronic illness doesn’t play nice. It happens. Sometimes you can predict what is going to cause a flare, sometimes you can’t.

On the positive side though, I think it has made the times we can come together more special. We take more time to show we care about each other, in other ways than just sex.  When you really stop and think about it, sex was probably not the main reason you are with your significant other. Sure it has something to do with it but its not everything. It maybe because I am in my thirties now that I can say that, the nineteen year old I was on my wedding day may have disagreed with that just a bit. Look up ways to remain abstinent…..not so you can avoid it but to strengthen your marriage. Those corny little things really do help.

Dear Significant Others

Standard

Many people have contacted me asking for advice about relationships and chronic illness. I have discussed this subject with a lot of you. This is what I heard. This is what I know. I am not an expert. What works for me may not work for you. What works for others may not work for me. What we can do is spread information. We can share ideas. This is the start of it. I hope to have more blog posts about this as we continue to get feedback.

Dear Significant others

We know you work hard. We know you are trying. We know. We see it, even if we can’t always manage to acknowledge it.

We understand that most of  you came into these relationship with the expectation that things would be at the very least split fifty fifty.

We get that. We understand that our illness is robbing you as well as us. We know it scares you as much as it does us.

We still need and want to be loved, to be shown that you love us still.  We understand that you may be struggling to find ways to do this that also works with our chronic illness as well.  There is a learning curve for you just as there is for us. It’s okay to tell us that. It’s okay to say , “I don’t know what to do but I am trying.” We really don’t expect you to be perfect. Really.

Sometimes we are not ready to answer questions about what a new diagnosis or symptom means. Please know that it doesn’t mean we aren’t touched you asked. We are just as frustrated that there is something new or different to adjust to again. It means a lot when you take some initiative and look up information. Don’t stop if at first our response is to snap or brush it off. Sometimes we can only absorb so much. Just like you.  Don’t stop!

If we were good at telling you what we needed you to do to help us before and now we are not…..we need you to be extra observant. We need you to see what we can’t say. We know that its not fair. We know that it is frustrating. If last time we needed you to do the dishes look and see do they need done now? We know this is a learning process. We really do deep down. It is not always so easy to express this.

Ask us if there is a good time to discuss what is going on, discuss how we can help, discuss how you can help us. In truth we need to sit down and discuss it. We need to mutually agree to leave feelings at the door. This discussion needs to be about what we can’t do and you can do. This discussion needs to be about what you can’t do and we can do. This discussion needs to be about compromise.

I am not going to tell you what to do to show love and support to your significant other. This is something that is truly unique to each couple.

I can tell you what won’t help. I can tell you what doesn’t help.

What doesn’t help is every time we say we can’t…we receive an attitude. Or worse no response. We can’t communicate if we are always rebuffed. We aren’t saying you can’t have an attitude here and there. If it does happen, if there is an issue, come back later and try and communicate. The fact that you had an attitude is not the issue for us. We get that. Come back! Talk to us! We all have our moments, we get that.

There is a time and a place for sarcasm. However if all we are getting back is snarky comments, degrading comments, negative comments. We are pretty good at doing this to ourselves. Again I am not saying this can’t ever happen ever. It is going to happen here and there. A balance is what we are looking for. Remember communication is key. If it is all negative……

What doesn’t work is telling us all the time that we are over reacting. How would you feel if you were experiencing these symptoms? How would you feel if someone told you , you were over reacting? On the same note, please do remind us to put ourselves in your shoes as well.

The more you communicate and ask for communication in return the better it is.

So….you thought that was all it was didn’t you… Communication. Hmm.. yeah there is also this other thing called sex. Generally people with Chronic pain and or illness or both are not interested in it. Generally. There just isn’t much we can do about that. There isn’t much you can do about that. It happens.  So…you know in high school when they talked about how to practice abstinence…..yeah…this time its just a tad different. The more you work as a partnership,especially those of you with kids in the mix too, the more likely it is to happen. Not always but its a great start. It really really really truly is not personal. It does not mean we love you less. Sometimes its hard to talk about because we are selves are frustrated by it as well. We want to want it but its not always possible. It means when it does happen, be gentle be understanding and cherish it for the gift that it is. Because remember  it is a gift. It is not a right of a relationship.

It is not all about either of us. Its a team thing. A partner thing.