Tag Archives: self reflection

Brain don’t listen to the body.


If I had listened to my body. I would not have gotten out of bed this morning.  If it had been just my dogs needing to walk..I may have put off getting up a few more hours.

My body begged for mercy.  I left my boys to my brother in law and my husband.  If I get up and going and don’t think too much I can get my motivation before my brain figures it out. Its mostly a daily battle like this between brain and body. Most of the time there is a kid fueling this battle a bit more.   A few slurps of coffee. get clothes on. Medicate. Top of coffee and out the door.



Neeka needed to run.

She needed her time at the paw park.

Today I planned on exploring this new trail I found behind the paw park. My body was less than thrilled with this idea.  So I sat on the bench and tossed balls for Neeka and hoped the medications kicked in. or the coffee.  Even still forty five minutes later Neeka is making it obvious she is done sniffing butts and chasing tennis balls. Ugh.  This is where I like walking dogs.  She just pulls me along for the first few minutes.

We stop for her to romp in the little stream first.



There is just something about watching her that makes it hard to stay in my grumpy in pain mood.   So off we go. I have a small water bottle…alot less than what I would prefer to have. It was enough though.

The first bit I know I trudged. I kept looking around desperately for something to catch my interest. A few minutes later I check my pedometer. I know in my head what I want to hit for my goal. I just don’t know if I had it in me today. Then I made myself promise not to check the pedometer again til I got in the car. Just breathe. Just be. I wasn’t going to listen to my muscles protesting. I wasn’t listening to my joints creek.

The majority of this trail was in the blazing sun. Probably not the best time of day to be taking this walk along this particular path.

We come to a bench and Neeka catches a grasshoper and her frolicking was just so cute. So we start off again with a renewed determination to enjoy this. This is the last day I am kid free. This time is for me.

I start looking around with renewed interest and determination. I see this dock across from us. I can see it with some warm tone embellished by instagram.



The forgotten dock. There were vines crawling all over it and it just looked so serene. This…This is what I need.


Now my drive is in full gear. We follow a side trail off a little ways. Its shady and we definitely needed the break from the beating sun. Neeka found some grass that looked yummy. I realized from our previous trips to the paw park she likes to eat this tall willowy grass. After the first day and no vomit or bathroom problems I let it go.

We rounded a corner and it was like we found a place that time had forgotten.



I was struck by the beauty. A little piece I hadn’t realized I had been holding on to just released. I wasn’t listening anymore to my body, I wasn’t listening anymore to how hot it was. I was there.



It didn’t seem like I had to look very far to find something interesting.  A large butterfly flittered by.  An owl took off from a branch right next to me. Its wings so quiet for such a large bird. That quiet space in my brain was where I was. It was where I had wanted to be. Where I had needed to be more than I realized.

We wondered around in the back shady trails. Not really with any intent. Just enjoying the trail. When it forked we went the way that looked the most interesting.

Dogs are great companions like that. They don’t need to talk, or bark, but when you do they are attentive. Sometimes we chased a smell down a little side trail. Sometimes we followed my curiosity. It didn’t matter.

I let Neeka off her lead for a bit. Trusting her to come back. I have been on other hikes with her owners and her. I knew she did this with them.



I tossed sticks out into the tiny little rivulet of a stream. She happily chased after them..pounced on them…and brought them back. Where she promptly dropped it and then rolled all over it. It was her stick. It made her happy.



How can you not laugh at her antics? She takes so much joy from such a small thing.

I was running out of water so it was time to head back.

We came to the end of the trail and up the few steps to the water fountain. Refilled my water bottle and gulped it down. Promising myself to take it slower with the next one.  I refilled it again and dumped that one all over Neeka. Cooling her off a bit.  Refilled again and walked to the car.

Finally checked the pedometer. I knew by how my body was starting to scream it was at least a mile and half. It was 1.87 miles.

Hot and sweaty we rolled the windows down and Neeka prompty put her head out the window.

Once we got home we did a short walk around the block. Goal achieved. 2.0 miles. You may think wow thats alot. You may think thats barely a walk. Keep in mind it took me an hour and half on the trail to achieve that plus the fifteen minutes to walk the block.

I jumped in the pool shortly after that. Just floated around. Letting my muscles enjoy that weightless feeling. A few dips under the water. Some more floating.

Took a shower to finish it off. Plus the amount that I sweated on that trail was ridiculous.

I left Neeka curled up on the futon sound asleep.

Driving home I feel renewed. Refreshed. Centered and connected.

I may have Fibromyalgia but I don’t have to listen to it all the time. I have gotten pretty good at knowing when its just normal groaning and when it is flare groaning. As much as I don’t want to move. I know my body needs it. Much more than it will admit.  So most days I tell my brain not to listen to what my body is saying. To just push through it. To just do what needs to be done. Sometimes that means I am gritting my teeth literally. My TMJ doesn’t like it and yes in the long run it raises my pain level. Sometimes I have no choice but to get what needs to be done. Then sometimes I push myself because I know I need it. Even if my body won’t admit it.