Tag Archives: gratitude

Compassionate acceptance of love (#1000speak post)

Compassionate acceptance of love (#1000speak post)

Growing up I was told boys loving boys was wrong. Girls loving girls was wrong. Thinking you were a boy when you had girl parts was wrong and vis versa. I was told you don’t question God.God didn’t make mistakes. I never really gave it much thought until a friend came out as a lesbian. Now what do I do? I like her as a person. She is a great friend. According to the religion I was part of at the time, I was not to associate with her anymore. She was openly admitting to a “sin” and not trying to change. When I turned to the church for guidance , I came away feeling like I had done something wrong. I had such immense guilt for wanting to keep the friendship I had. To turn someone away for being who they were was just not part of me.

It took me a long time to work out how I felt about love being love. I had to work past these stumbling blocks I didn’t even know I had. It was not to be talked about so I found myself stumbling. I was lucky to have a friend who was willing and open to let me stutter it out and really dissect how I ,personally felt. I felt a openess and acceptance that I had not felt when I turned to the church. There was a lot of back and forth. Was she born this way? Was it a choice? I saw her dating guys was she faking it? How did she see me? Was she attracted to me? What was her type? Did she have a type? Is this something she was trying out? Didn’t she want babies? She not only explained most of it calmly and openly but she also questioned me back.   Are you sure it’s what you believe or is that just what you have been led to believe? It wasn’t easy and there was definitely squirming in our seats on both sides. We were both works in progress, still are.

It made our friendship stronger. I like to think it made us stronger as individuals as well. However, that was not the end of it. Later I found out that she was holding things back. She told me, Saying that I don’t approve of your choices but it’s your life isn’t acceptance. It is not compassionate. In fact it made her feel guilty, like she couldn’t share everything with me. She wanted to have girl talk and relationship discussions but  when she did she felt very judged. Here I thought I was being so helpful. I was making it worse, which was the opposite of what I wanted to do.  The opposite of what I thought I was doing. I had put conditions on my acceptance and thus our relationship.It wasn’t all one-sided. We had an open and honest enough relationship that she told me about some choices I had made that she didn’t agree with.  It was shocking to me that she actually didn’t approve of some of my decisions. I had not felt any disapproval from her.I never felt judged. She always seemed genuinely happy with whatever decision I made. That was when I realized she was mixing compassion with her acceptance. I am glad she was openly honest with me about her sexual preference. I am glad she was unapologetic about it. It really made me think.  It was easy to say no it is a sin and not acceptable when it wasn’t personal. I didn’t have to think much about it. I realize now how unusual that was for someone to be able to openly and unapologetically say this is who I am take it or leave it. It wasn’t easy for her but she had gone through her own storms to come to the point she was at. We are no longer such close friends. It had nothing to do with her sexual preference. Sometimes you just drift apart. I am forever thankful for the friendship we did have. The learning and growing I went through. Perhaps those lessons were the whole reason she was in my life to begin with.

It wasn’t until I started trying to think compassionately about others decisions that I realized how wrong I had been. Acceptance needs compassion to take the sting out of differences of opinion. Without it acceptance doesn’t mean nearly as much.  As much as we say we do not care what others think, we do. On some level we do. We may not even be conscience of it. The point is, I realized that in order to be accepting of others, compassion is integral. Compassion for myself as I explored what I really truly believed. Compassion for what she was going through and her feelings. True acceptance of someone for who they are is wrapped and entwined with compassion.  As you go through the journey you realize sometimes acceptance is leading and sometimes compassion is leading. At some point you realize they are no longer entwined, they have become one. In the end though there is just love. Love for a friend. Love for another human being. In order to accept that love is love no matter what circumstance requires acceptance at every turn and a blanket of compassion.


Join us as we spread warm fuzzy feelings across the interwebs every twentieth to drowned out the sad and horror and bad stuff that bombards us every day. Write and link up, read, comment, share, it all matters. We are not looking to make big huge ripples. Little ripples are much more effective and they can amaze us with their power.


A right proper pity party or Ten Things of Thankful?


I could sit here and think of all the things that should have happened this past week, but didn’t. I could throw myself a downright proper pity party.I probably could even make it coincide with the regular Florida summer afternoon storms. After all what pity party is complete without dark clouds and rain?  I could do that or I could change my thoughts. I could focus on what DID happen. I could just let go of those things that didn’t happen. I could let the negative things slip through my fingers like sand and hold on tight to the positive nuggets that dotted my week. I could reach up and bat away those dark clouds and find the light. I think I will do that instead, that sounds so much more lovelier. So off I go to sift through my week:

1. Raise

Hubby got a raise again. This was his yearly review raise. Still it helps!

2 Hair to locks of love

I have decided to grow my hair until December and then donate to locks for love. This made me very happy with what I am currently doing with my hair. I have been debating getting it cut.

3 Successful hair cut

I think it was two years ago now , my daughter had a full out panic attack when she was getting her hair cut. Ever since then she is a mess whenever I brought up the subject. I finally reached my limit and was like no its time. I am fairly certain it has been over a year. No panic attack today!!!!



4 Awesome nature trail discovered

On Monday we went north a bit to discover this sustainable village. The website and the presentation I watched made it seem like it was a good idea. Instead it was such a disappointment.  HOWEVER, I had also discovered a short nature trail so we decided to do that as well. I am glad we did. It was such a neat little place!


5 Amazing art work completed by the kid Henri Matisse

I am truly impressed by her artwork. It was a free class hosted by the Library through a teaching artist association.


6 Groceries!!!

Okay seems silly but still. Some we were given and even though it wasn’t stuff I normally would buy it also wasn’t wasted. I mean what a shame to have to use the bacon right away. Oh darn.

7 Extra cleaning job

I unexpectedly got an extra cleaning job. This past week was super tight because it was a rent week so it was extra helpful.

8 Big changes at Church. Silver lining

Ah this is one of those things. You know change has to happen. You know it does happen. However I don’t always like when it happens. Still this is probably the most active I have ever been in a church. It is also the one I have felt most free to be me in. Unitarian Universalists, I wish I had found it when I was in my teens and twenties. However silver linings are important to find in the middle of huge changes. I won’t say there are not any, because I know there are. I am just having a hard time right now finding them. In theory the changes sounded good, in reality they kind of suck. I am however determined to stay the course and investigate what new things are in store for our church.

9 Synched calendars!! Finally


Okay so this is actually quite a big deal. I didn’t do it earlier and it recently bit me in the bum. I realized I was double booked for things. One fun and learning and one a responsibility and one I can’t shirk. I sat down last night and synched my home calendar with my phone calendar all the way until the end of July. Now here is hoping our fun classes and my meetings won’t clash again. Oh and I double checked the locations so hopefully we won’t be showing up at the wrong library to any of these classes either!

10  at least one job applied to every day

I am not happy that I haven’t found a job. I am happy though that I have found a minimum of one job every single day this week to apply to. A few of the days I applied to three or four jobs.


HA! I found ten things I am thankful for this week. Can you? I bet you can if you really look with a different perspective from what you have now!

Finding Ten Things of Thankful (#90)-oy vey!


I could sit here and tell you all things this week that went horribly wrong. I could tell you all the things that completely stressed me out. I could sit here and tell you what a crappy crappy crappy week this was. However, THAT is not what Ten Things of Thankful is about. 

Let’s see if I can turn this week around day by day:


What happened Monday. Well I really can’t remember Monday very well. I had my Cleaning Job so I had income to go to the Farmers Market to get fresh fruit and produce. I got my kitchen cleaned up and even baking soda and vinegar bombed the oven. So that is three things right there.


Tuesday I got my four and half mile walk in. It was very much needed and I really felt the week off that I took to get over that sinus/allergy flare that seems to be pretty much done.


Oh Wednesday why must you attack me so? The day before the school had testing. Whatever happened, the kid did not get a decent lunch. When you have a protein deficiency this then makes a phone call to mom to bring protein the next day. She gets very similar to hypoglycemic symptoms. LUCKILY, I was able to leave my Nanny Job for a  bit and take her some magnesium to calm the shakes and some protein. I don’t blame anyone, she is old enough to advocate for herself, she made the choice not to say anything. I am sure she was told at least four times to bring her lunch box with her and didn’t. It was just frustrating because she is normally pretty aware of her protein need. She had a breakfast of 20grams of protein only an hour before she called just to give you an idea of what I am talking about.


Thursday we will just call the day of so many mix-ups. Everything that needed to get done got done. Well except for gas in the car. I just didn’t have it in me after a quick grocery store stop.  However the baking soda and vinegar bomb from Monday made my oven so clean I hardly recognized it when I went to put dinner in after it was pre-heated.Sparkly clean ovens make me happy and I am sure the neighbors as the fire alarm did not go off just from pre-heating the oven.


You were such a tease Friday;Over-sleeping, car seats forgotten, wrong shoes worn to school and all. Hey remember I didn’t have it in me Thursday to stop for gas…….yeah I completely forgot. LUCKILY enough I made it to my Nanny job by shear stubborn Irish will and possibly some anger of wrong shoes worn to school. Mommy does not like getting phone calls from school, especially not when it’s the second one this week. In all my rush I forgot to bring the greek yogurt to mix my left over pulp from juicing the day before. LUCKY for me, I have awesome friends who take time out of their lunch break to bring me some! Plus I got a second four and half mile walk in and it was much easier this time!

Pretty sure there is more than ten things in all of that. Pretty sure I turned my week around however, I am really really really glad it is over and we can just focus on moving forwards.

Oh and some obligatory pictures from the week……

Squish is really digging this solid food stuff. I have been fired from feeding him for not shoveling it in fast enough

Squish is really digging this solid food stuff. I have been fired from feeding him for not shoveling it in fast enough

Fish make nests? I don't think I knew that before.

Fish make nests? I don’t think I knew that before.

Very well Pheasant I suppose this meal is good....enough..

Very well Pheasant I suppose this meal is good….enough..

The Kid and Snickerdoodle in a tree

The Kid and Snickerdoodle in a tree

Me and squish

Me and squish



We have Wednesday morning Youth Religious education garden watering . I supervised and drank my greens smoothie

We have Wednesday morning Youth Religious education garden watering . I supervised and drank my greens smoothie

All the things TTOT 85


This week went by so fast. It was so incredibly busy but it was apparently one of those good busy.It was like I kept waiting for everything to fall apart. I felt it was just around the corner. Everything would come crashing down. It never did.At the end of the day, everything that absolutely needed to be done was done. Homework was done. Lunches had been packed and shockingly eaten. Freezer dinners got done. Well the house is mess but really is that such an important thing?  So what am I thankful for this week? I don’t think I could pick one thing to be the one thing I am most thankful for. So think of it as I have ten things I am the most thankful for.

I think number one has to be #1000speak for compassion. There have been daily inspiring quotes and blog posts. I have turned to them many times when I was just sure I was moments away from falling apart. We have surpassed the 1000 bloggers goal and we are still going strong. It was incredibly exciting to reach the 1000 bloggers that was our goal. It has been more and more exciting,mind blowing, amazingly awesome to see it keep growing. I have read so many inspiring posts, seen so many inspiring and not to mention well timed quotes.

Number two is going to fall into that I am thankful we have such a great church community.They work so hard to encourage the kids to ask questions, explore and really embrace our seven principles. Recently we had a celebration of our newly chosen  settled Ministers. One of the dignitaries said she had never seen a group of youth religious education kids who knew the principles as well as ours do. Simplified in kid version they are: 1. Each person is important. 2. Be kind in all you do. 3. We are free to learn together 4. And search for what is true 5. All people need a voice 6. Build a fair and peaceful world. 7. Take care of the Earth.  They are definitely inspiring my daughter to keep an open mind and an open heart.

I struggle this week to find things that I have not mentioned yet. I don’t want to say the same things over and over again.However it seems like each week I have new reasons to be grateful and thankful and all that jazz to the same old things.

Number three is for the farmers market.  I was able to get such a good variety of fresh fruit and produce. We truly were able to eat the rainbow! Even gorge myself on clementines which I still have no idea how I ate so many and yet did not get a stomach ache.

Number four is my husband.Seriously not a day goes by that I don’t think about how hard he works for us. How much time and effort he puts into everything. To keeping our family afloat, to fostering a good relationship with our daughter, to making sure we have quality family time,to making sure he still takes times for his friends and to take care of him.It is not an easy thing to balance but he seems to do it with such finesse.

Number five is a work in progress for me. This week I should have gone home and done dishes, and laundry. The house is an absolute mess. Instead I drove to the river.The whole way arguing with myself.

“The dishes are getting ridiculous.  If we go home now , we have an hour to work on them and laundry. Does anyone have clean clothes for tomorrow? I am not sure.”

” I just need to take some time for myself.”

“what was sitting at Starbucks? That was time for yourself.”

“no that was writing,It was work. it does benefit me to get the words out of my head but that is not why I do it.”

” This is so irresponsible, you have responsibilities.GO HOME.. You are going to the river on Saturday anyway.”

” I have a responsibility to center myself too. I am going to the river on Saturday.A different part of the river,with others -not by myself. “

To which point the whole argument devolved into …shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up.

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It was exactly what I needed. I followed my gut and not my brain.It was the right decision.

Number six is that: my size eight jeans I got almost two months ago,fit this morning. I definitely have a muffin top with them.However they buttoned and zipped. MADE MY DAY TODAY. This means in the last six months since I have started serious walking and dedication to walking and eating healthy I have dropped from a size fourteen to a size eight.!!!!!!

The rest of my thankfuls can be summed up in these two quotes I ran across today:

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I am sure somewhere in the rule book this is allowed.

Ten Things of Thankful the non-jumbled version #84


I was so busy with Squish and #1000speak and collapsing into an exhausted pile of goo at the end of the day I have not had time to even think about writing my thankful’s daily.In it’s own special way that is also a thankful.  I have thought about them through the week. Must remember to include this.Must include that…But never got around to actually doing it.  So this week they are NOT in date order I know that will throws some of you for a loop.

Number one on my list this week. I mean it is right up there as the most thankful thing.

The science fair project is completely done and turned in!


Number two is the ability to see the beauty around me even when I don’t feel all that great. The first one I saw while on my walk with Squish. The second I saw out of the corner of my eye and had time to turn around and get a picture. Yes, I am that lady on the side of the road taking pictures with my phone.

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Number three is very special. The first time I took this path for a walk I saw manatees in the Intercoastal.  They have been hit or miss but it has been weeks and I was just thinking that maybe they had moved on when these two popped up. See those two little smooshes in the water- those are Manatee noses. It was like they heard my wondering about where in the heck they had gotten to. Number four is I am so thankful that we live in an area where wildlife is so abundant.

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Number five is playground time with Snickerdoodle. Seeing how kind and compassionate my daughter is with snickerdoodle just satisfies me in so many ways. Not to mention it is fun sometimes to go back to dealing with a two year old over a nine year old!


Number six is new things. This was squish with first experience being put in the grass. Bare toes and all. While at nine my daughter still has some firsts, they are not nearly as fun as those in the first year.

Number seven and number eight are math workbooks. First off that my stop at Goodwill paid off and they had not one but TWO math work books for fourth grade. We held her back in second but she should be in fourth grade this year and she is a bit below level in Math so I am hoping the extra work will help give her a boost. Number eight is that even though she eye rolled. She dug right into them right away.

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Number nine-seeing a fellow friends studio and planning Imbolic. We also splurged and went next door and had the most enchanting Malacala Chai tea complete with tea bread to nibble on.

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Number ten. It has been a few weeks I think since I mentioned it, how Thankful I am for my husband and all the long hard hours working two jobs that he puts in. I really don’t know how he has continued to work seventy hour weeks for longer than a month now.

And as a bonus the book Eat Pray Love. I recently started reading it and I just love it and am so entralled in it. It has been a while since I was truly thirsty to devour a book.

Sparkly happy on a cloudy day TTOT #83


Ten Things of Thankful

Well it is Wednesday before I have even started this post.
In my defense I have been really busy. There was playing with baby goats, and working, and walking and more working. Some house cleaning, some waiting on repair man. Oh and a parent teacher conference and that was just Sunday to Wednesday.

Honestly Monday was a crap day. Outside it was grey and dreary and foggy. In my head it was black and thundering and foggy too.

It is however my first item on my list of thankful’s. Being that it is now Wednesday and I can look back. I am thankful for the bad days because I can see how far I have come. They are just days now. Not weeks. Not months. Days. Sometimes there is no plural to that word, as in day!

Let’s back track a bit though. Sunday the besties were coming over and the house was a mess. Fast thinking as I am. Lets take some carrots and whatnot down and feed the goats. Easily we can spend enough time there and then walk to church. Oh had I only known how fantastic this would be. I would have brought instant hand sanitizer. We got to the goat pasture and they were penned up inside the pasture. However when we had walked by the barn we heard people talking. Let me just go and see if they will let the goats out. Farmer Brian did one better. He let the girls come back and go into the pen. He showed them how to pick them up after you pinned one down. Goat kids are pretty darn fast. The giggling, the petting, the naming of the babies. Oh so much fun was had. Farmer Brian even had a bit of an ulterior motive. He let the girls catch the ones he wanted to inspect. OOOOOOHHH the squeals! To be helpful and have fun. Well nothing beats that.  However it was a good ten minute walk and I felt like I must have said 100 times.Don’t touch your face. Keep your hands where I can see them. AS soon as we got to church they were marched into the bathroom for a good handwashing.  Despite our best efforts. We still brought goat poop to church on the bottom of our shoes.

Of course there are pictures. I will only share a collage instead of the 35 I took in twenty minutes! (thankful ten,I was still able to enjoy the girls joy and still feel I had adequately documented it for treasured memories later)


Thankful two is this awesome project that has brought me so so so much happiness and mood boosts and joy already.


Compassion has been something that I have been dwelling on more and more. When Lizzi tagged me in this project. I just can’t even describe how fast my brain said. THIS! Compassion for others and what they are going through.Compassion for myself. Giving myself just as much compassion as I would another. Just stopping and instead of instantly judging and being sassy and sarcastic to look at (fill in blank) with love and kindness. (Thankful nine is for perfect timing, a lesson I am still learning)

Thankful Three is a fantastic Parent teacher conference. I didn’t feel pressured to get my daughters learning disabilities diagnosed or to have her medicated.(thankful eight)  There was a free flow of communication and I really felt empowered leaving that conference.

Thankful four is a working dryer. Oh my gosh how much this makes me happy is ridiculous.

 This brings us to Thursday.

Oh look I forgot to fill this in,  but am too lazy to go back through and change the post.  Thursday I got to see two hawks rather close. They are so regal and gorgeous. They have a quiet look of arrogance that only a bird-of-prey can have.

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(Thankful Seven)


The day I decided not to function to loose myself in the vampire diaries and go to my reading spot extra early.

I had clawed my way out of the dark stormy turmoil of Mondays brain and the weather seemed to mock Me. Here I was happy and content. It was grey overcast and foggy. I could sit in my parking spot look at the three trees feel the cool breeze and the baking feeling of the sun. As I sit crossed legged in my car with the windows down because fuck you hips and knees and ankles. Until it brings tears to my eyes to do it -I will sit how ever I want not how arthritis tells me to sit, even if I have to hand maneuver my limbs into place. I could appreciate the beauty. I could say, yes I know I am teetering on that edge. Several years earlier I would not have even realized I had wandered off the path let alone was lost. (thankful six)It doesn’t make the depression feel any less imposing. The problem with depression is it always wears you down…I know I will always have a day where I just can’t function. I don’t want to function so I have nothing to fight it with. I often know it is coming and fight to get it to a day where just maybe my world won’t fall apart if I don’t participate for a day. I can do all the deep breathing and meditation I want it just makes me sleepy but yet I won’t sleep. In the days before that no functioning day I feel myself grasping desperately at my self help tools. Sometimes I even feel them slip between my fingers despite my tight grip.they ooze through my fingers incredibly slick and slimey and smooth all at the same time.  That day of not functioning I read a lot of blogs. I read books I watch mindless TV. My thoughts don’t often bring me to tears. I have found I have to watch super sappy TV shows to cry to.There fore I am not crying for myself but for the TV show. Yes I am crying for those TV characters not myself. Perhaps if I could here and there cry I could avoid a no function day. That however did not happen so as odd as it may sound. I am thankful my nonfuctioning day came on a day I was able to be nonfunctioning. That is thankful five.

So now that I am only at five. Time to go through my week again,thus numbers that seem out of order-but are not.

Gratitude vs Depression vs Anxiety


I have participated in Ten Things of Thankful for a few months now. Sometimes when I realize it is time to write the post I am at a loss. The things that stood out the most were the things that went so very wrong.  Things that annoyed me, frustrated me. Things to be thankful for or grateful for, not so obvious. I started just writing down something every day. It wasn’t immediate but it slowly has turned me around. I still have my days that my first response is to be grumpy and grouchy and anti-social.  It is especially easy when it is grey and overcast and nasty out. Sometimes I can in the midst of things going wrong, find the good.  I might not be happy about it but I can admit that there is something good in it. Some times I am not feeling thankful for it or even grateful for it. Just acknowledging it is the first step.

The really magical part is, reading the other blog posts. People with harder struggles then me are finding good. It really does help my depression. It’s like it forces me to think and depression doesn’t really like it when you think. Depression just wants you to listen and believe. Anxiety likes to be irrational so it too doesn’t like you to think. When you start thinking, even if it is just acknowledging what you do have, depression and anxiety have less power.

Remember that game at the arcade. Whack-a-mole. That is what it is like fighting depression and anxiety.  Sad thoughts whack. feeling helpless whack. lack of motivation-whack. whack. whack. Oh no one is  poking up. Sigh of relief. This is it. I get to rest now. I beat it. Then suddenly five moles pop up.  Sometimes I find myself angrily whacking it thinking. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. It works sometimes but what works best. A deep breath and then calmly thinking of good things.  It is really hard to do that second part though. I still get anxiety that spikes my heart rate and causes chest tightness and can’t breathe and omg all the things. It is really really hard to force myself to breath. To speak over the irrationality of the anxiety.

The key for me is to write a thankful each day. Even if it is at the end of the day right before I go to sleep. I did it. I found one. I am victorious over depression and anxiety just in that one thought. That is how I have clawed my way out. One thought at a time. Repeating things over and over to myself until I am so sick of it that anxiety has no power over me on that subject. Sometimes it is watching my daughter on the playground. She will not fall she will not fall she will not fall(anxiety flash) no she will  not fall. But that didn’t happen. She did not fall she did not fall. Constantly telling my anxiety it is wrong.  When things do happen that I actually worried about, I have to remind myself I did what I could. I will learn and move on. I will not dwell. No I will not dwell. WHACK WHACK WHACK stop it. I will not dwell.  The more I do this the more I have been able to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety. When my anxiety is high, I have a hard time with intuition. I can’t think with my gut at all when anxiety is around.

It also helps to write what went wrong and then write but this happened because of that so this is good. Writing what went wrong and finding the silver lining is another whack.

One positive thought at a time, I am winning. One positive thought at a time, I am thriving.

In another step out , I will be participating in BE THE VILLAGE 1000 voices of compassion #1000speak

 1000 voices from all  over the world, on the same day flooding the internet with good, positive posts. Posts about Compassion, Posts about kindness, Posts about self-compassion. Posts about caring for others, caring for the environment. Posts about Non-judgement. Spreading love all over the world. This will happen on February 20th 2015.

You can participate even if you are not a blogger! Follow the hashtag #1000speak  comment, share, like, favorite. The main point being to interact!

If you are a blogger and would like to be part of the 1000 you can request to join here.

In just one thought alone- short and sweet…… TTOT #80


Snipping green beans and quietly thinking

Remember not everyone is home enjoying family and friends..

Firefighters and policewomen and policemen Doctors and Nurses Paramedics. And many in the Armed Services are working today.

Some people don’t have a home….some people don’t have family ….or friends…for some this is the loneliest day of the year.

Keep them and gratitude in your hearts today.


Ten Things of Thankful Blog Hop Link up

I have ten things of thankful right there in that thought I had. I could sit there and think how boring and painful snipping green beans is, or I can be thankful we have green beans to eat.(1) I could be irritated that I felt compelled to clean the whole house before anyone came over, or I could be thankful I have a house to clean.(2) I could be thankful I had people who cared about us who were coming over.(3) I could be thankful my husband was home and enjoying the day,if not the cleaning, with us. (4)I could be sad that my daughter only had a few presents to open from us or I could be thankful we had the money at all to get her something. (5)She had a few presents but they were bigger on the inside. I could instead be thankful she doesn’t really need anything or really want for anything either. (6) I could be thankful we live in a country where we had such dedicated people who fight for our freedom.(7) I could be thankful for those dedicated to helping others were working and helping those who needed help. (8)It could be us one day. Have you seen the way I cook? Fires, food poisoning…it could happen. Speaking of which I am thankful that neither of those DID happen this time.(9) This may seem a bit redundant but I am also thankful I have so much to be thankful for, when I really stop and think about it. (10)

And not to be forgotten……PICTURES

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TTOT 79 The Real Deal



I kinda feel like I have been glossing over things on this list……so I am going to try and make it a bit more real. I know part of the thing is to focus on the good but I think I forgot to mention the downs too. That balance thing. Of course there will still be pictures but I want it to be a bit more of um…both, also known as real.


Wow was Monday a roller coaster of emotions. I did not want to get up. I did not want any responsibility to get a another human being somewhere. Coffee helped.  I got my cleaning job done. I got to talk to my sister who lives in California. I didn’t even know I had anxieties about her and her situation until after we talked and they were gone. Huh. Then I made a glitter bomb for a certain someone in England. I found something that just screamed her name this weekend. Making the glitter bomb in my car, perhaps not the best idea. Perhaps though it was because everytime I saw the glitter I giggled. Computer tutoring done and on to the post box and the grocery store. My energy plummeted dramatically after getting home from picking up the kid. So much to do, was feeling rather overwhelmed and truthfully a bit depressed about the limits of my body. Wow was that a run on sentence. I took some Ultracur and hoped it kicked in enough to get dinner done. It did. I am not however catching up on any cleaning whatsoever. Really I feel like I walked around with my emotions hanging out all over the place today.

However, Thankful I survived the day relatively in tact with food for my belly and a warm home.  That is three for anyone counting.


I got my walk in. It was odd. I was looking forward to it despite my body saying no. Despite the muscle spasms around my hips.  Despite not liking my new shoes and not enough support in them.  I didn’t feel stiff or sore until we stopped. Getting in the car-not pretty. Head home to try and clean up the house. Open the door to find the dog got in the trash.  Because I was not overwhelmed by the amount of house work I had to do already.

However I had a great lunch date with a friend to break up the overwhelming amount of cleaning to do.

Grateful for friends who provide an escape.

Grateful I was able to make a balanced dinner.

Grateful I realized I was having mostly first world problems and after a bit more pouting, moved on.

We did have an impromptu time with with Princess P. We fed the cows!



Grateful I finally remembered to get my bloodwork done. It was only three vials and a urine sample this time. AW CRAP. I was suppose to walk around to the actual doctors office and make my “womanly” appointment. Sigh. Well one thing at a time.

Insanely grateful to Starbucks because COFFEE!! However it has also been a great place for me to get a crap load of writing done. I have kept content on my blog and gotten essays out to other outlets for publishing.

I think that brings us to eight.

SURPRISE I got to see my sister who lives in California and her boys.

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Wow, Thursday it was like I got my groove back a bit. A great day of escape with my friend and christmas shopping. I got a laundry organizer and like a bakers hutch type thing for the front entry. Ridiculously excited about the laundry organizer.  It also turned out to be a highly productive day!

Grateful for friends is number nine.

Grateful for a chance to catch up on housework and feel productive.


Hey guess what I didn’t realize I was missing? Skin to skin time with squish! I don’t think I realized how strongly we are bonded.


Then the solstice celebration and so many things just feel into place in my spirit that when we came home. I fell asleep and actually slept really really good. First time all week.

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Wait,What week are we on? TTOT 77


Um. It some how got to be Wednesday before I even thought of starting this post. Oh well.

I didn’t even publish anything Wednesday either. Maybe Friday I will get my Starbucks time and really crank some stuff out. I do have a few people waiting on stuff.

This was the first week of working part time as Squish’s Nanny. For such a little guy and for as much as I came over to adjust. He is kicking my butt. Its a good thing he is so gosh darn cute.

Monday was not quite as chaotic as I expected.  Weekly lunch date with friend was super timely. We also splurged and had chocolate cake. Sometimes Mondays need a little pick me up. This thing is super decadent and we split it!


Tuesday brought the first day of working. I am super thankful to have a job to go to, even a part time job, even if it is for a friend. We got a great walk in. We kept our pace pretty close to what it is when I am not carrying a baby. We even went .7 miles further than we normally do. It really was a fantastic walk. I managed to have enough energy to make dinner and get the kid to bed. Of course doing so much more my pain levels were much higher. It made it both harder and better for sleep. When I did finally get to sleep, I slept good.



Wednesday as much as I really did not want to, I got up and got going. We even went on a walk. I was more interested in just moving and not pace. Never know what you will see on the inter-coastal. It was so interesting to see a coast guard boat. I looked it up and learned this is a bouy tender.  I watched them repairing one of the buoys but didn’t know there was a specific boat for it or that it was also a specific job. Grateful that I can learn something new everyday.

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The good news is we both survived the walk. I hate how walking both helps and doesn’t. Once I was warmed up the walk was fine. Afterwards the recovery was a bit rough. Squish actually cooperated and took a two hour nap. I took some ultracur and relaxed. Definitely pushing my limits but you know, I am not giving up.


Then there was this sunset Thursday night.

Friday I took an impromptu hike because I saw the bald eagles that are nesting flying over, so I parked.  Even though the walks I take are outside, there is just something restoring about hiking in the woods.  I can’t even tell you how renewed I felt after. It is like a part of me is off and I didn’t even know it until it was back. Taking time to notice the small things, the way the light falls in the woods. It is just magical. I can not wait until the winter solstice ritual celebration!

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Trust me that middle picture is a bald eagle.  I must have been wearing Eagle Repellent because as soon as I parked they disappeared. Anyways afterwards I had a second shot of ginger. The first one happened before leaving the house Friday morning because muscles refused to work.  Ginger and Ultracur are the only reasons I survived this week.

There must be Ten things in there. I didn’t count. I don’t feel like going back and counting. It was a good week even if it was busy and my body told me how much it hates me. There must be something in the BoSR/SBOR (secret book of rules)about this. I am sure I read it. I am thinking I am probably the only one who has read to rule 729, that was where it was.  Rule 729 subsection b2 line three.