Tag Archives: grateful

Looking with perspective TTOT 76

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Ten things of thankful Friday.

Which was delayed due to a transformer blowing up and we were without power. So starting my saturday extremely thankful for power which means, lights and coffee and heaters and flushing toilets. Did I mention coffee? It was in the forties last night so we slept in layers under layers of blankets to get warm enough to fall asleep. Space heater you are my best friend ever!

Back on task though…..

The one that is overwhelmed with pictures because it is allllllllll the things! I mean seriously be prepared to be overwhelmed with pictures. I got a little nostalgic and went on a picture tangent.

I forgot to write again. So I decided to count down the things I am thankful for since it is Thanksgiving. I put on my perspecticales and looked around for an over-all thankful look.  Here is what I saw.

10. Our landlord working with us on rent so we can stay where we are. I am really thankful for this. It is a huge relief to know we have a home for a price we can afford. It is in the perfect location for us , close to school work and church!  Also feeling better about the neighborhood after a drop off with a friend who was also donating things. My neighborhood looked upper class comparatively. There is that perspective again.

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9.  A husband who works so very hard to provide for us in so many ways. What he does for this family is nothing short of amazing. Proof determination does pay off. Thankful that when he does have time off he wants quality family time.

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8. A kid who has such  a beautiful heart. She was so upset that there was land being cleared to build houses because the animals didn’t have a home now. Then she asked if it was houses for the homeless because that might be okay then. She amazes me with the things she picks up on. It took a minimal amount of convincing but we have enough and are able to donate what is extra to others in need. Toys,clothes, books and other things we have outgrown being given away.

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7. Farmers market that is round the whole year. Oh my brussel sprouts!

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Cooked these brussel sprouts the day I got them. They made me drool and I was craving them by the time I had to start cooking dinner.

Even if I do find dicktators…..I wasn’t really paying attention to the potatoes I was cutting. I was helping the kid with homework. I look down and see a penis.

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Seriously though I never thought about that others didn’t have access to a farmers market year round.

6. Branching out and perusing more and more alternative medicines and finding relief in them! Check out this post!   I am amazed how close the result is to juicing fresh Turmeric root.

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5. Friends that don’t judge, who just support and love. Acceptance is a huge thing. Support in just being there, helping us with whatever we need. Can’t say enough about this! We truly have some of the best friends around. Sometimes the size of our support net astounds me.

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4. Baby donkeys .This is in the same pasture as the goats.  The mama has been gone for a bit and I just assumed she was in a different pasture.

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3. Fall is officially here. Changing leaves and leaf joy included!

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2. Friends who share their kids!  Loving on them just as much as my kid gives me so much joy.

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1. Sunsets. Falling in love with Florida. Appreciating the beauty around me. Had you asked me several years ago I would have said I wanted out of Florida. Changing my perspective.

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okay I don’t know what this picture’s problem is. It kept going here instead of in line with the others. If you really look under the tree. that thing that looks like a log. It is not a log. Its an alligator. I noticed him after I took the picture of the tree and its reflection.
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If you got this far and put up with alllllllllllll my pictures. Bless you.

What are some things you are thankful for?

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Happiness/contentment/rage/thankful/happiness :TTOT 71

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”Ten

Saturday

1. Pridefest, we helped our church run the booth there. It was so rewarding and my daughter had a great time. We had a great discussion on the way to the festival. Although the whole conversation about people should be able to marry who they love, regardless of gender, went a way I didn’t expect.
“So I can marry Joey Kenzie and Hayden?”

“What about a parent marrying their kid.”

Yeah wasn’t really ready to talk about THAT!

However, we did have a good talk and she really enjoyed herself as well.

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Sunday

2. We had a great time at my friends birthday party. Even though we were the only ones able to make it. The kid had fun playing with Princess P. We roasted Marshmellows over the fire and had pizza. It was simple and very enjoyable.

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Monday

3. New feast place, vegetarian organic and reasonably priced for a friend of mine and I to go to on our weekly lunch date. It will do much to keep us on track eating healthy.

Plus I just have to add: I bought the rainbow t the farmers market. This lasted us four days. Well , we do still have a few eggs left.  And I think a kiwi.  Oh wait. I forgot about the broccoli but that is for lunch today so gone in Five days.

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Tuesday

4. Rainbow juice in the morning and saved the pulp for a delicious dinner as well. If that is not multipurpose I don’t know what is.  The rainbow juice did not layer like the website said.. Spinach kale cucumber celery Apple pineapple carrots beets purple sweet potato  ginger and lemon. It was however very delicious!  Then for dinner I took the kale and spinach pulp that I had put aside and mixed it in with brown rice and Pearl Barley. Then took the beet and sweet potato pulp added olive oil and salt.  Baked chicken in lemon juice.

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5. I could say a comment by a family member rubbed me wrong. I could focus on that. That however would not be productive. Instead I am focusing on the fact that I banged out a new blog post and it was very very very well received.  I know a lot of people follow my blog and facebook page. Internet friends are real and some of the comments were just the balm my soul needed.  Read my rant here. 

Wednesday

What happened Wednesday? I am actually not sure. It is totally besides the point that I am writing this on Thursday and I am honestly having trouble recalling the past twenty four hours. Lets look at the pictures in my phone…….

6.  Ah yes. I took a walk babywearing my friends eight week old and managed to do three miles and only a few minutes behind what I normally do. Carrying  twelve to fourteen pound baby easily ups those calories by 100.

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Thursday
7. Grateful for a friend who pulled me out of my funk after my four mile walk. I was ready for it. The rest of my day I had planned out, didn’t go that way. Sometimes my ocd/anxiety really gets the best of me.

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This was me right before we went for my walk. I had to drop off my daughter at school first. Rocking the eighties workout look. Just needed leg warmers and a headband. I also weighed in on Thursday and lost another pound. Was finishing my juice on the way to meet my walking partner.

8. Grateful for friends who understand my need to help whenever I can, and take care of my kid. Went with  my other friend to Tampa to take her Eight week old to the doctor for a follow up from lip and tongue tie. I have lived in Florida all my life but these scenes never get old.

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Friday.

9. A beautifully perfect morning not even seventy degrees with a nice breeze for a walk with friends.

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Although my pedometer did not work due to lack of signal, I am sure this counts as todays exercise. Yes we climbed the stairs to the top. 76.1 feet.

10. We got an unexpected payment from Workmen’s comp from hubby’s thumb injury in July.

okay well.. Before I got the mail and saw the check I was going to list my corn intolerant problem as a thankful for weird reasons people with gastrointestinal issues will really understand. I couldn’t bring myself to delete it. So think of it as a bonus.

 We ran to the store this morning. I got some juice. The brand I normally get was not on sale. I grabbed the one for sale. Luckily I had only drank two oz or there abouts before realizing it had 91 kernels of corn in it. Corn intolerant.  It might be an odd thing to be thankful for. However, it has cleaned out my intestinal tract.  You never realize how much those suckers can hold until they are letting loose. HOWEVER, I don’t feel nearly as bloated anymore. Also grateful I can just rest and relax and recover from that.

Ten Things of Thankful #67 (but really week four)

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It doesn’t seem like this should be week four. I am very proud of myself for keeping up with it. It is also getting easier and easier to find something to be thankful about in every situation. This is not to say I have left all the complaining and grumbling behind. I don’t think I ever truly will. However I do know that it is helping my mental health greatly, this looking for the positive and being grateful.

Saturday

1. As odd as it seems , because we need the money, I am thankful my husband had Saturday off from both jobs. It allowed him and our daughter some bonding time and it allowed me to deal with another flare of myofascial pain syndrome and Fibromyalgia. Along with the storms that were moving in and out and throwing my arthritis in all kinds of fits. I was able to focus on resting and replenishing my body without worrying about my daughter.

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Sunday

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2.We had a service at the beach and a potluck for our autumn equinox service.  It was stormy at first but the sun did make an appearance. Good food and a good service.  Here is to cooler weather. Even if it is because of the tilt of the Earth.

3. For a friend who gave me the left over Seitan Stew from the potluck. It made it an easy dinner since tonight was just me and the kid.

Monday

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Not only was it too thick of rain to drive, my arthritis was just not going to be calmed down by anything. It was ticked off and was making it well known how much it didn’t like the barometric fluxes we had all day. They were individual storms roughly an hour apart.

4. Despite my schedule being changed all around, I still got off two submissions to other Magazines.

5. PLUS I got an email from Mamalode saying I will be published this FRIDAY! WOOT WOOT!

Tuesday

6. I had the most amazing autumn equinox walk. It was so amazing I wrote about it, here  .

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7. I tenaciously guard my alone time. A cola and my book fifteen to twenty minutes before the school dismissal. It is simple yet gives so much happiness.

Wednesday

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8. More newborn snuggles. I just love it. I love that I can help my friend out a bit with some relief and I love the snuggles. I also kinda like that he doesn’t talk back….yet. It actually does make me thankful that we are past that stage. You tend to gloss over how much work it is with a newborn when you reflect back.

Thursday

9. I am thankful for friends who can communicate with no words at all

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This was  vastly more stress relieving than any words could have achieved.

Friday

10. A second published essay. It really has helped renew my passion for writing. Check it out. If you like it please share it!

We have enough;Teaching Gratitude 

Also I am really happy to say I have figured how to attach links to words. It was something that I could do with help but when I tried on my own… it didn’t happen.

So that’s a bonus thing.

Not always the happy sunny Gratitude you think of.

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Sometimes Gratitude is not being so happy and cheerful and saying all the positive things in the world.

At least for me it isn’t.

I am thankful for what I have. I am. Really.

But I also have a little bit of Eeyore in me.

A little sarcasm , a little cynicism.

I have to reach for gratitude. I have to search for it. I don’t naturally think of the good.

Gratitude requires us to not think about just ourselves. Which is really really hard to do.

BECAUSE IT IS ALL ABOUT ME!

Wait…it’s not? Well crap.

 So Its not til I look at things without me as the center focus that I can be grateful.

Grateful that  even though our government is far from perfect, we are free in ways others are not.

Grateful that even though I have pain, I have good days too. Others have worse pain.

Grateful that even though I have depression, I have help. Others are lost in the grip of Depression.

Grateful that even though we don’t have all that we want, we have enough. Others have nothing.

Grateful that even though food is not in surplus, we have food. Others do not.

Grateful that even though I only have one kid, I HAVE ONE FANTASTIC KID, others want and have none.

Grateful is not something that you can think about and not feel just a tad bit better.

When I am in a real funk, I sometimes challenge myself to think of one thing every HOUR to be grateful for. BECAUSE seriously sometimes it is that much of a struggle.

Deep down in my dark little hole, I don’t want any sunshine in here.

But maybe I need some sunshine in here.

Maybe just a tiny little ray here and there.

Sometimes I want ALL THE RAYS OF SUN in here.  Sometimes I am so full of gratitude that  my happiness exudes onto everyone else.

Sometimes I am not.

Sometimes on really special days you get both sides.

So excuse me if I like my hole, it doesn’t mean I am not grateful, not thankful for what I have.

Its just who I am.

I am not Pollyanna after all.

I am however grateful.

Aside

It is much easier for me to be grateful in November. I love November weather. I love the change in light, the change in temps, the changes all around.

The only thing is when it rains. Its so much harder to be grateful when it rains. I like the sound of rain . I like the way the atmosphere snaps and crackles and shakes in a thunderstorm. My joints however do not.

How to remain grateful when standing exerts so much pressure on your joints that even walking hurts?  I am thankful that I have an awesome Brother in law who loves my daughter and easily entertains her. I am thankful I have a bed to lay in to give my joints the rest they need. I am thankful that I have at least one cat that knows when I feel horrid and cuddles with me. I am thankful I have a laptop to connect to others who have chronic illnesses. I am thankful I have cable and can watch tv. I am thankful I have a good book to read. I am thankful I have a phone and can play around on Instagram with it.

Several years ago though I probably would have been singing a different tune.

It would have been full of self pity. Full of grumbling. Full of complaining. I could tell you every detail about why I am miserable.

Gratitude is a choice.

It has been a long slow road to living a grateful life.

Very slow.

I still don’t feel that I am there yet. I have lots of room for improvement.

I have been slowly weeding out the people that are constantly gloomy, complainers and grumblers.  Some days that is all we can do. That’s okay. However we need to balance it out as well. Even those who say through laughter and comedy that they only grumble. If you can laugh you can’t be that grumbley.  If you can appreciate comedy and even sarcasm you are not going to always be Eeyore.

It is easier now to be grateful because I also have wrapped people who encourage and support me tight around me. When I am being encouraged and supported I can reach out and do the same to others.

It is not a decision anyone else can make. It is your choice. Its your decision to say I am not going to wallow. Well at least not for very long. I am going to LIVE.

Searching for gratitude

Honestly checking in with myself

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So recently I have been thinking……about a lot of things. This is kind of a hodgepodge of that thinking.

I need to get actual employment. Of some sort. Somehow I would manage this. Even though I know physically, mentally I am not up to even part time working, being a mother , a wife and still being me. Is this really a need or a want? Hmm. hard to tell.

I really started to think about this. I starting thinking what works in my life right now.  When I realized….everything. Sure there are issues. Sure there are bumpy areas. However, It works. For the most part I am content. I am enjoying being able to help my friends and also lavish attention and love and care on Snickerdoodle and Princess P. That as much as I may complain about the kid. She is a good kid. I enjoy being able to be fully involved in school and home life.  Don’t ask me about that in the middle of the summer though, or two weeks before school starts. I do however realize now how much I do love the fifteen minutes waiting in carline…Listening to NPR or spent reading.  Even though the time may have flown by to pick her up. The energy she brings into the car is amazing. She truly is my sunshine.

I feel my marriage is pretty strong and that we are pretty good in that area. Even though yes….I complain sometimes there too.  He is a good guy.  One of the few good catches.. Sorry girls…he is mine..He is very much taken.   He is taking care of us, he is the rock of our family.  I still am not quite sure how he has put up with me for almost fifteen years now. IT boggles my mind. All that aside we are a good team. We made a beautiful daughter. We may not always see eye to eye but we make it work.

Then I look at what I am not doing, I am not falling into an exhausted pile of goo at seven pm. Not even able to put my daughter to bed. I can’t say there aren’t days. there are. Its just not happening every single night.  I am not using medications to get me through the day. I do still take medication just not nearly the amount I used to. Going off some of those medications made me realize how much they were actually allowing me to function. I don’t want to function only by medication alone. I didn’t have time for friends, or a social life if I wanted one outside the scope of work and the kid’s school. I didn’t have time to help friends and I was constantly torn by working or helping my family when they need it.

I have never been good at waiting and I always wanted to jump ahead. I didn’t want to start at the bottom and work my way up. I wanted what I wanted right this minute. I felt like I had to be the important person to feel accomplished and worthwhile. Now that is not so important. I feel fulfilled in what I am doing now. I finally feel like I am doing what is right for me. The thing that surprises me the most is the people who have supported me in the past two years and kept reminding me that self contentment was important too.

We don’t have a lot of money. Getting a job would help that. My question keeps coming back to is it worth it. Is it worth it to get a job, any job, and loose what I have now. What i have worked for two years to get to. Two years with minimal therapy I might add.  So we don’t have a lot of money. We have enough most of the time. We have other things that money can’t buy.

Writing is helping in many ways. Not just me, others have emailed me. Its been incredible the people that it has touched. I don’t think I am the best writer. There are other blogs that I follow that I think say things so much more eloquently than I. I am grateful that some of them actually talk with me, guide me and  help me. A few of them have even reminded me that it doesn’t matter about the quality of the writing skills if it helps someone else..That’s what matters. Grateful.

Some people run from self analysis……I apparently adore it. I can’t stop doing it.Sometimes I drive myself nuts with it, I drive my friends nuts with it. The good ones know its just how I am. The one thing that therapy taught me was I have to be honest with myself. I have to put myself on trial so to speak. Swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So maybe I don’t over analyze myself too much. Maybe because there are things I want to change that all this self-analysis is keeping me honest with myself. I went through years of therapy without doing this. I didn’t change any of the things I wanted to change.  I made progress but it was painfully slow. I was constantly frustrated that things were not changing, remember that whole lack of patience thing.  Strangely enough it wasn’t til after I stopped therapy, my therapist retired, that the changing started to happen. No longer was I pouring my frustrations out to someone else. Now I was alone with my thoughts. That was kinda scary at first.  I am good at being in denial…..but not the denial that can’t see whats wrong…..the kind that sees the problem and whispers not now and tip toes around it. Then one day I am ready and it goes down. Sometimes its because the issue had a deadline. Sometimes its just because I have talked myself in circles enough that I just want to deal with it and get it gone.

The more I have thought about this, that I constantly look at what I am doing what I am feeling, you know what it does make me? Grateful.  Grateful that I have the friends that I do, the family that I have, the life that I have.  Incredibly grateful.

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