Category Archives: insomnia

Product review- Ultracur

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Ultracur reached out to me on Instagram. I know it’s hard to believe I was on Instagram! NOT! I am addicted to Instagram.

 I emailed Casey and she sent me some samples. It was as simple as that.  I literally opened the package in my car. I had hit a wall and was trying to figure out how I was going to function for three more hours. I mean, everything hurt, I did not want to do anything at all. I took two capsules. I was pleasantly surprised that within thirty minutes I was feeling better.  It most definitely gave me the extra time I needed to finish the most basic things left in my day. I had to pick up the kid, pick up the husband, and we had to go to the store. That night I took my normal dose of Turmeric before bed. I have to say, I noticed it wasn’t as effective. Curious, I started looking into this Ultracur thing. I emailed Casey and told her how impressed I was. I told her I was impressed enough with it to do a full blog review of the product.

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Curcumin is the magic part of the Turmeric that makes you feel better. It helps relieve inflammation. It is not just joint inflammation that it helps. It will also work for gastrointestinal inflammation. It is like a soothing balm for your colon. The joints, the muscles they really like this stuff. There can be some difference of opinion on wether to take just Turmeric or Curcumin. I would suggest you try both and see which works best for you. Now the other thing, most likely you won’t notice an immediate difference.  It can take a few weeks for you to notice the difference. I did not have that experience with it but, I also have been taking it for months and originally started taking it via juicing fresh root. The supplements that I had been taking did not seem to work as well. I have to say Ultracur is probably the closest I have gotten to the feeling the freshly juiced root gave me.  Ultracur says you can take up to two capsules four times a day. What I have been doing is setting aside six capsules in the morning. Some days I get by with just two in the morning and two at night. I did use it with quite impressive results during a flare. It was a lot like taking advil. It didn’t just help one area it was an all over improvement.  In fact, there is research that suggest that Turmeric is just as powerful as many pain killers. Check it out.   Also here as well.

As always please, discuss this with your Primary Care Provider prior to taking this supplement.  There can be some interactions with medications and Turmeric. Ask for the samples and bring them with you to the Doctors office. Do your own research!  This is what Dr. Weil says about Turmeric.  This is the website for Ultracur and what they have to say.

I know a lot of you, are like me, on a fixed or very inflexible income. It is hard to just go out and spend money on something that might not work for you. So here is what I have for you. Email Casey Centola for a free sample, let her know you saw it on my blog!  ccentola@hausbio.com

Meme 30 things about my invisible Illness

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http://invisibleillnessweek.com

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is:

Myofascial Pain Syndrome, Fibromyalgia , Degenerative Disc Disease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome,  Supra-ventricular Tachycardia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Vitamin D and Potassium deficiency

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year:

2007

3. But I had symptoms since:

2005

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is:

Pacing myself to make my energy levels last throughout the day.

5. Most people assume:

I am lazy and don’t want to work.

6. The hardest part about mornings are:

The first fifteen minutes , getting out of bed, and moving around.

7. My favorite medical TV show is:

Rush! lol. Right next to House

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is:

My phone alarm, I set it often to remember medication times.

9. The hardest part about nights are:

Getting actual sleep. Restorative sleep is fleeting. I can fall asleep but staying asleep and then getting back to sleep in the early hours of the morning. that’s rough.

10. Each day I take _23_ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please)

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: 

Have done many of them, it becomes what can and can not afford. Chronic means I will always need them.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose:

Visible.

13. Regarding working and career:

I really wish I could work even part time and be the fully involved parent my daughter deserves. 

14. People would be surprised to know:

I get really annoyed at my body when all I can do is lay down.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:

I am not sure I have just one thing. It is a daily job to find acceptance. Some days I am better at it than others.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:

Resume going on long walks and hikes regularly.

17. The commercials about my illness:

Are absolutely ridiculous. Even with medication there is pain, and then there are flares. It isn’t a magic pill. What works for one person won’t always work for another.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is:

Having a career of some sort outside of the home.

19. It was really hard to have to give up:

My wish for a second child.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is:

I really haven’t started any new hobbies. I have pursued some of my interest a bit more.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would:

I would probably want to get the house completely clean all at once and still have the energy and ability to take my daughter to go play somewhere. 

22. My illness has taught me:

Patience and to slow down.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is:

Say feel better. I know you mean well. I really do. It is just not a reality. It just really annoys me.

24. But I love it when people: 

When I am having a really good day. Low pain and really upbeat!

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is:

Never give up.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them:

It really is not the end of the world. There are lessons to be learned.  

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is:

How much my perspective has changed on so many different areas. The health care system, other peoples struggles, so many things.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was:

They didn’t give  me a choice. I was told to rest and my daughter was taken care of. 

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:

We need more awareness. 

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel:

Amazing!

What actually happened week one (May31-June7)

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We can plan only so much. We can do only so much. This is what life with a child is all about. It is also what life with a chronic illness is all about. Combined the two and things don’t always go as planned. This is a peak into our summer break, what is planned and followed by what actually happens.

 

Saturday:

Well of course she was up at six am. I let her watch Tv for an hour and realized at seven am it was pointless to stay in bed. We were out the door for a walk by seven thirty. Flipped her scooter up on the bike rack and we we were off. We started the trail at seven fifty. About every mile on this walk is a bench. We sat just about every time for a good ten minutes. I think this is why I did not swell as much. At the two mile mark I started stretching then sitting then stretching some more at our breaks. We stopped under the roadway bridge to listen to the bats and contemplate why we could hear them but not see them. OH but we could SMELL them. We found flowers. We saw a frog. We saw some poop, also known as scat

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Then we were off to meet my in laws for a belated birthday get together. On the twenty minute drive or so I had the kid read from her chapter book, squeezing it in where we can.We went to Myakka State Park which has both a boat tour and a tram tour. On the boat tour we learned mostly about alligators, the fish that live in the river and some of the bird life. We saw around twenty alligators. We then got on the tram after a short bathroom break. It is funny I have ridden that tram ride many times. It has new perspective for me as an adult as it did as a kid. I was more interested in the pioneers of Florida. It was fascinating the types of jobs that people had, ranging from Spanish moss gathering to Cattle hunters and even alligator hunters. Learned about a tree I never knew about, a water locust, and its big honking thorns. Pioneers used them for a multitude of things after they boiled them in water to get the toxin from them.  It was very interesting. On the way home I also had the kid read some more.

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We were outside from almost eight am to three pm. When we got home I immediately laid down and medicated.  The kid obviously was still at full steam and went out back to play.

 

Sunday:

We had our normal church morning and then after church a quick grocery shopping run. She also had her last harp concert of the season. All done until next school year.

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Monday:

It was the very last day of school. I originally thought to let her skip. She will have to go with me enough during the summer.

We did not go to the beach.. It was grey and over cast and forecast to rain. We did go for a short walk with a friend. Where we ran into …

 

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MANATEES. This was an unexpected surprise and a very pleasant one. Other mundane things happened, dinner and showers and such.

 

Tuesday oh Tuesday. I could not have predicted this and its just one of those things. I had severe fatigue. I had a severe headache. Even my own movement made me nauseous. It was completely a Pj and tv day. I did manage to get my daughter to read for an hour. That was about as productive as I got.

 

Wednesday we were not really sure what we wanted to do. Low and behold a message asking us to watch snickerdoodle. Of course we jumped at it! I made my daughter bring her book and a notebook.  While snickerdoodle napped she did her hour of reading. The writing prompt for Wednesday was to write using very descriptive words , seeing the manatees at the park.  There was lots of outside time. We even got a two mile walk in. I forgot how much harder a walk is when you are pushing a stroller. It is such a delight to see life through the eyes of  an almost two year old. Little things are big things. Excitement over trucks and squirrels and flowers and most importantly BUBBLES!

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Thursday started our first math tutor lesson. I did not stay for it as I wanted to get a walk in. I had realized I had not taken a walk by myself for a while and it is a good time for me to get some me time in. When I picked her up she was raving about the math lesson. Math is not as complicated as I think mommy! We got most of our hour reading session done and then had lunch with a friend.  The rest of the day was spent cleaning the house.

 

Friday came way to fast and after a rough night of very high anxiety dreams and then lack of sleep. I was looking forward to taking her to the library for a movie. I needed the calm comfort of the quiet sounds of the library to surround me. I stopped at the quarter book spot because who can pass up books for a quarter? NOT ME!!!  When my daughter found me. She didn’t want to watch the movie alone. Sigh.  We ran into Publix afterwards for lunchables and headed to the next library. This one has a nice pond in front and we say on a blanket and had lunch before going inside to get our hour of reading in.

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Then my favorite part. I had been looking forward to this part for at least two weeks. A class on archaeology with a real archaeologist!! It promised lots of hands on fun and it did not disappoint.  On the way home she wrote in her journal about what she learned. The coolest thing she liked? A six thousand year old clam shell.

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These pictures suck because most of the day I felt off just a bit and had the shakes. Could not seem to get a clear picture for anything.

 

Saturday. Oh thank god we made it to saturday. Oh but wait we have a nature hike planed. I know its a short trail. I know its gonna be hot. I also know the kid needs to get out of the house and expel some energy. She didn’t get up til six forty five this morning. That is almost like sleeping in for her. I woke up and thought, ” she isn’t awake yet….is she sick? I gave her the right amount of benedryl last night right? She was congested. Okay well if she is not awake by seven I will go check on her because if I check on her now , and she is asleep, she will wake up. Seven seems much saner to be up than six thirty.” but I didn’t go back to sleep. Just when I thought I couldn’t stand it any longer… She wakes up and comes to our room. Sigh okay.

Next task: Medicate and caffeinate. (spell check you are wrong Caffeinate is too a word.)

Then scroll the internet while waiting for it to kick in. Hoping it kicks in because man, the ache is bad today. The pain is already high.

I had grabbed some snack packs at Publix last night for today’s lunch so it will be hummus and carrots plus cheese and celery ,apples and grapes. Since we will be outside it is water to drink.

 

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I can honestly say it was completely worth it. We learned about Dragonflies, and Damsel flies. The difference between the two. We saw the shells from dragonflies at the larval stage.  We learned that dragonflies are deaf.  It was hot. It was sweaty. There was actually less walking than I had thought there would be so that was an added plus for me today.

We came home and the kid is now doing her writing prompt for the day, What did you learn on today’s walk. She has math home work from her math tutor and she will finish her book today and complete the assignment in the back about persuasive writing. I feel we are balancing the educational with the fun fairly well so far.

 

While it was exhausting it was also a great start to the summer break. It didn’t all go as planned, nothing ever does.

If you read to the end of this….THANKS YOU ROCK!!!

 

 

 

 

Joint Juice

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This is just what has worked for me. It actually started as a craving. I was on a walk. I suddenly wanted cucumber lemon and celery juice. I had not been juicing or even getting juice at this point. I added an apple to kinda balance the taste out.

It was exactly the flavor/taste I was looking for.  It helped my joints recover from the walk as well.

After several weeks of this every Monday. I then added Ginger.It was even better. I started with just a small amount of ginger as it can be a bit spicy.

I have only been adding Tumeric for two weeks. It has been very helpful and I do notice I need less aspirin or advil throughout the day.

I stumbled onto this not realizing the health benefits in these specific products.

After months of stalking GoodWill. I finally found a juicer in my price range.

So here is what I have been doing for my joint juice.

Half a large cucumber

One Large Red apple.

Four stalks of Celery

Half a lemon

1/4 inch of Ginger root

approximately one inch of tumeric root.

It wasn’t until I realized it was helping me so much that I looked into the benefits of these specific choices.

Apples have heart and lung health properties. Which is great news since I have a heart condition and allergic asthma.

Tumeric is antimicrobial, potent natural anti inflammatory,a natural painkiller,skin health, liver health and it is a natural anti-histimine.. This is like the best thing for me ever.. It covers just about everything I have going on.

Lemon is a great for the immune system, high in vitamin c, aids digestion and even has heart health properties.

Ginger is for anti-inflammatory, aids digestion, immune health and aids in circulation.

Cucumbers are also great anti-inflamtories, restores hydration, has potassium and magnesium for muscle health,  as well as can help lower blood pressure.

Last but not least is Celery. Celery for me was a very unassuming addition. I mean I didn’t really think it had a flavor or much nutritional value. I could not have been more wrong. Celery is anti-cancer, lowers blood pressure, can help lower bad cholesterol, helps lower inflamation , it also has a calming effect so is helpful for insomnia.

It is important to remember that this is not an instantaneous effect. It is a slow but steady help. It builds up.

Do your research on vegetables and fruits to see which will give you the most impact.

All I want to do is see the river……

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I did not want to go for a walk. I knew I needed to go for a walk, after all it is friday, Frozen yogurt day. I had also had Panera for lunch. I needed to burn some calories. I needed to move for my joints. I needed to walk to help promote better sleep tonight.  I decided I was going to go the the preserve but walk the trail on the other side. I had never walked this trail. Now this might not seem like a big deal. However I normally go with someone when I am doing a new trail. Someone who knows how to read trail maps better than me. I don’t think I read them too good.

This particular trail you park on one side of the road, cross the road and start the trail. However, it is right where the incline of a bridge starts. It’s just a short incline, then the trail. The key is….I would have to cross this again to get back to the car. So I cross the road. Get through the incline, and start on the trail. I am only a few minutes down the trail when a red shoulder hawk flies right in front of me. It then lands close by and starts to call very loudly. So I go check it out. There is a fence between me and him and I stop at the fence. He starts to fly off. I think.. it figures. But no….he could care less about me… There is a female hawk in a nearby tree.

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Hey baby wanna make a nest with me?

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So…do you come to this branch often?

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The whole walk has been made. It was worth it just to see those two. I continue on the trail a bit. I come to a sign. Service entrance only. um… WHAT? So I go back to where I started. I found where the actual trail begins. It was actually a lot less obvious than what turned out to be the service trail. Like I said I don’t feel a whole lot of confidence on reading the trail map, so I am really aware of the markers. I orient myself to where the marker is and where it is indicated on the map. I figured out what my path would be and how i would loop it back around to the beginning. Okay maybe I got this. Off we go.

Its been a bit and here we are at the first marker we come to. The marker 23. Okay. So I am on the right path. I decide I have plenty of time so I want to walk down to the  river and loop back. We come to the next marker, 22. So far so good. Markers 21, comes and goes. In much of Florida our woods and preserves have been invaded by invasive wild boar. They tear up the ground. I guess the trails are very convenient for them as they had torn up quite a bit of this one.

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For extra fun there is a fresh layer of um dead oak leaves on the ground. This hides some of the little holes. This was turning out to be more of a hike than a walk. Well I will sure enjoy extra hot fudge on my Frozen yogurt. That is how this exercise thing works right?

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Then there is a little path that veers off….do I follow that? I decide to just stay on the larger path and keep going. Now we come up to marker 18. I am starting to see that these markers are fairly accurate on where I think they should be as to where they appear on the map. This has not always been the case on trail maps.  We come up to a marker…… it says eleven. How the hell did I get to eleven? I just want to get a look at the river and maybe sit a few minutes. I look at the map.  I look back at the marker. Ooooohh not eleven.. That is a seventeen. The top of the seven was just hard to see. Ooooookkkaayy We are good. I follow the map and trail fairly well and even get down to the river. I wasn’t impressed with the view at first.

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Then I am retracing my steps a bit which is also what the map indicates you have to do. I find a little beaten down path. It leads right out to the water. There is a slight incline but I really want a good view of the river so I am good for it.

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Besides there is a tree right in the middle…I could always just use that to stop my fall right? I could get a little muddy but the water is right there so we are good right?

Lets just say it was worth that little incline.

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I get back up the incline to the path and my knees and ankles are like…yeah don’t try that again okay? I start off taking the path that loops back.  Marker nine. Check. Marker ten check. Marker eleven. Check. I keep on going. There are some birds calling that I don’t quite recognize and I file it away to go to the Audubon site to see if I can match them up. I came to the next Marker…..or so I thought. Turns out I went the wrong way and ended back at 15. I could have just followed that back. I was determined now though to finish the walk. So I turned around and back tracked and took the right path. Shortly there after I come to marker seven. Between Marker six and five there is a bench indicated and it looks like it looks at the river. So I am going to check it out.

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Really was worth the little detour. I climbed over those logs a bit and there across the river, was an alligator. The alligator is in the second picture above on the shore. Really he looks like a log. The only difference is this particular log moves, and has teeth.

He really was a tiny alligator. I would have to say maybe four years old or so. When they are younger than four they have stripes. Anyway, it made the little detour worth while. So next marker was five and then four. At three there is another indication of a detour to see the river. So I took it.

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So now I am confident on where I am at I explore some little off shoots. Then the worse part.

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The incline back to the car. I get to the top of this and I really want to go down the little bit and see the river from the bridge.

It did not disappoint.

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Hey maybe I can read a trail map pretty good. I do think there would be some market value in an app that tracks your gps on trail maps. Of course then the trail maps would have to be online as well. It would be something I would be interested in, for when I walk the trails by myself.

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I like more landmarks than most trail maps put on there. Like you will pass a pile of old cement pilings…..or you will pass an abandoned tank of some sort here. Although how they would depict that on a map, I have no idea. They would probably label it what it was and I would be like well we passed a tank looking thing back there, I guess that’s what they mean.  Maybe on the app that someone could create they could also let others add landmarks. Maybe they would use terms others would understand.  These are the kinds of things I find myself thinking about on my walks by myself.  Birds, trail map apps, pigs, and wanting to just see the river.

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All pictures were taken by me with my Android Phone.  The river is the Myakka River. This preserve is Sleeping Turtles North.

The quiet grief

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It is so subtle.

It is just a little niggle in the back of your heart.

People talk about a ticking biological clock but, who thinks it is still ticking after you have had a baby? It didn’t even occur to me that is what I was feeling.

After all the years of infertility, after the miscarriages you would think I would recognize it.

People talk about aching ovaries, but they don’t tell you it is your heart that aches.

My biological clock is screaming tick tick tick tick. It has me thinking about what a second child would look like. Would this baby be such a complete blend of both my husband and I as our daughter is? Would this baby have blue eyes I could get lost in like my husband and daughter do? What kind of bond would my daughter have with her newest sibling?

My brain tells me that it is not responsible to get pregnant any time soon. Financially or even medically,probably both,  it would be a disaster.

I have said I am done having kids for awhile. I mean it. I know in my brain that we are done.

Then a friend is pregnant, or someone has a baby.

I thought I had worked through this and was on my way to I don’t know….. worrying or grieving about something else. When all of a sudden my biological clock says HELLO, I want a baby!  It just adds a little melancholy to otherwise sweet moments snuggling others babies.

It is only made worse when people ask when are you having another one. When someone complains about how chaotic it is having more than one kid. When someone asks how many kids I wanted. Just a little nudge, just a small twist. Its like a barb that is lodged in your heart and words can just nudge it just a bit, make you wince.

It is not something I bring up often because I am truly and completely happy for my friends with new babies. I am completely thrilled with hearing all the details of pregnancy and breastfeeding and all the cute little newborn things. I don’t want anyone to think they can’t tell me that stuff. I was at that place once, when we were dealing with infertility. I don’t want that strain on my friendships.

It really is this quiet grief, a grief of what can not be.

It seems in my blog reading I keep clicking on others, others about rainbow babies, and infertility and new babies. Not to say I am not happy for them, Not to say I don’t get the warm fuzzy feelings that are meant to be conveyed. Its like that small smile of happiness that doesn’t quite chase the sadness from your eyes.

I debated even publishing this. I thought well I wrote it, I got it out, so maybe now it won’t be so heavy on me. Then I thought about my readers, others who struggle with multiple chronic illnesses at a young age that know they can’t or shouldn’t have more babies.  It is a personal look deep down but so much of what we deal with is super personal. So here it is.

I want my dreams back

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I know, I know, I know you are probably tired of hearing about medication changes.  It’s like top on my mind right now though.

I know I have mentioned it before but a good gage for me on my mental health is when my dreams are very science fiction. The stranger more alien the better. It is how I have always been. It took about three years in therapy before I discovered the link. A lot can be said for Cognitive Behavior Therapy in that respect.

Coming off cymbalta ,I knew my dreams would get weird and a lot of my anxiety would creep in. Knowing that on an intellectual level is completely different than knowing that on an emotional level. Completely and totally different. For some reason it’s something I still struggle with, remembering the difference.  Things I thought I had completely worked through pop back up in my dreams, making it even harder than normal to get out of bed. In the clear light of day when I am fully awake, I am okay with the choices I have made. Would someone please convey that to my dreams? Please!

The first hurdle seems to be conquered. My dreams are starting to get a little more science fiction a little more frequently. You see when you only sleep two to three hours at a time , at night you tend to have a lot of dreams. A lot. Less and less I am waking up in full anxiety attack. I even got a little paranoia creeping in. I always love when I get paranoid like that. NOT! I try to soothe myself with at least I recognize it. Sometimes it helps.

I can only hope that when I start the prozac next week that my dreams will continue to become more and  more normal, for me. I am really ready for some wormhole travel and meeting some new aliens, maybe even some time travel in the T.A.R.D.I.S. I would also take some supernatural dreams, you know some vampires and werewolves, maybe a few zombies.

Shoving off the negativity

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This last week of 2013 I have dedicated to sloughing off stuff that I have stubbornly held on to. A good portion of that stuff is negative.

One of my favorite guided meditations says let go of the things that do not help me. Let go. Sometimes I just repeat that over and over in my head. Sometimes I visualize letting go of the word negativity. Sometimes I think of specific things that have been bothering me. It is either a feeling of too much negativity, or it is something specific that I need to analyze and let go.It could be a feeling or a way I react to a situation.

I like visualizing golden light or white healing light the best though. I visualize it burning out the negativity and replacing it with warm happy thoughts. This one is normally the most effective for me. If I am really struggling I go outside earbuds in, and sit on the ground. Rest my hands on the ground.Even in the dark. Often these are just five minutes or so. It is truthfully the longest I can sit on the ground like that without hurting. Plus the longer I sit there, the harder it is to get back up.

I found meditation to be the best way for me to leave negativity behind. It helps me in so many ways. I found the more I practice the more I can take advantage of little snippets during the day.

It took me many attempts to get into meditation. It took many times of starting one and trying it out, only to be frustrated and give up. It took reading about meditation. It took analyzing exactly what I was looking for in meditation. Still even after that it took more trying out different meditations. Finding what voice , what music worked for me. It was a process.

Still sometimes the best meditations are ones I do without even trying, like when I am out taking a walk.Not focusing on anything in particular. Taking every second as it comes. Enjoying the beauty around me. Getting lost in the wonder of the Forrest.

My natural first reaction to anything is to complain. I hate that. I really do. However I have learned that if I try to squash it I feel worse. Instead I embrace it and then say okay now lets find something good in this. I have also started changing the wording I use when I am complaining. You would think that would not be a big thing but it is. It not only makes a difference to me but , also the people around me who hear it. Instead of grumpily saying ” I wanted it to be like this this and this.”  I can say ” It would be nice if it had this but, this is a different approach and maybe I will like it better.”

As it is at least twice a month minimum my meditations are on cleansing the negativity from me.  I don’t plan them out. I go with how I am feeling. When I need to clean the negativity I know. I know without a doubt.  Make it part of your bedtime routine. Whether you are asleep at the end of it or not doesn’t matter. However you would be surprised how many times you will fall asleep during it.

The world likes to shove negative things at us. Over and over and over. Shoving it off of you is therefore something you have to also do over and over.  Taking small steps each day towards the goal of wrapping positive things around you. It is not easy. It is however yet another thing that is deemed worth it.

Here are some of my favorite meditations remember, they may not work for you. They may all work for you, or only some. Find what resonates with you. If you find yourself getting frustrated with this process, try chants.

This site gave me some of the best meditation advice, When I am struggling to find the right one I go back here… :    http://www.fragrantheart.com/cms/free-audio-meditations

1.  Mind Silence-remove negative blocks –http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1RdEVXWXbU

2.  All chakras- meditation balancing and tuning http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4GtPb3Y3vQ

3. Vital Energy: Meditation Music for Depression, Anxiety and Chakra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POR-U76g7Lg

 

4. Full Chakra Healing Meditation ★ Binaural Beats

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DsjaXRbrMc

 

5. Extremely Powerful Pure Clean Positive Energy – Raise Vibration – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l1Oy9T7-S8

Rest when you need rest

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Rest! I can’t rest I have a house to run! I have stuff to do! I have cleaning to get done! Oh and I got to get time in for me and get everyone where they gotta go and think about dinner and I CAN’T POSSIBLY REST!

This is the one area that I am constantly struggling with when it comes to managing chronic pain and illness. I am absolutely horrible at it. Then when I do rest, I feel guilty about resting!

I know I have been doing too much. I know it. I have felt it. I did it anyway. I had a lot to get through. December always brings so much running and doing. I can’t tell you how many times already that we have been double triple or quadruple booked this month.  Of course on some of them we made decisions not to go or not to do it.

I get caught up in wanting to see my daughters reaction to things. To seeing Santa to seeing the Christmas lights. To experiencing it all through her again.

So when I crash. I really really crash. I rarely sleep during the day as I already have soooo much trouble sleeping at night. Today though it wasn’t a choice. It was a demand. My body demanded I nap.  For once when I woke up I felt better. That doesn’t always happen. It tends to happen more when I crash though. This is the second time in five days I have crashed like this. I need to get better at truly resting. Laying down in bed watching tv. Sitting down to write is not resting. I need to just lay down and read or lay down and watch tv. Not try to always engage my brain.  If I need to grab a cat and snuggle and just pay attention to petting the cat, then that is what I need to do.

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It doesn’t do any good to beat myself up more for resting. It doesn’t I know that. This morning though I was feeling guilty about not getting any cleaning done. Not moving the laundry along, not finishing the few dishes , not getting the floors done.  Then I realized I was not getting anything done until I at least attempted to sleep. Sleep I did. I now feel that maybe when I come back home I can get some cleaning done at least do the few dishes and make dinner.

So today I have a renewed motivation to be better at resting. To pace myself better. So that I can better enjoy the season. That even when I make sure to schedule in self care in a walk for myself I need to also schedule in time to rest. To actually rest and to not feel guilty about resting. It is a form of self care and my body needs it more than most. To rest and say, its okay to rest.

The insomniac waltz

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Fibromyalgia brings many joys. Like learning how to do the insomniac waltz. A mixture of sleep deprivation and pain.

 

Get comfy in bed. Got to go pee. Get up to pee. Get comfy in bed.

Five minutes later flip to your left side. Close your eyes again. Deep breathes.

Sleep for maybe thirty minutes. Wake up.

flip to your right side.

Sleep for maybe an hour. Wake up

lay on your back.

Nope lay on your stomach.

Nope lay on your back. Listen to deep sleep meditation. Listen to another one.

Get up have a bowl of cereal.

Count how long its been since last medications. Take some more.

Lay back down. Play Facebook games until can’t keep eyes open.

Go through relaxation techniques. Fall asleep somewhere in the midst.

Sleep for two hours. Not a second more!

Wake up stiff and sore.

Change positions. Scroll Facebook.

Fall asleep.

Thirty minutes later……

alarm goes off for the day.