Day by Day, step by step (part 1)

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These last six months , seven months, they have been tough. I am still not feeling settled and I know it is going to take several months for that to happen. I want it to happen now. Right now. I guesss I should have the patience to trust the universe by now.

I haven’t known how to start. Where to start. A friend was able to give me some prompting questions. I have been sitting with them and trying to answer them. Perhaps I could sit with them some more. However I think they are as complete as they can be right now. Perhaps in six months I can come back to them and sit with them for a while longer.

I am going to post them all at once but answer them one at a time. Not sure what my time table is for it but I will try to keep it to at least one a week. I think I need this for my own steps in healing.

 

What  are the Qualities that you, your husband and your daughter are manifesting to stay optimistic, maintain Harmony in your Family?
I don’t know that they are qualities so much as a belief. A belief that as long as we are together, we can do it. My husband sent me on Facebook Bon Jovi Living on a prayer. I can not tell you how many times I listened to that song. It helped when I was feeling depressed. It helped when I was feeling the rage of how unfair this all was. Very few times did I get through that song without crying. I fell asleep whispering ” we have each other and that’s a lot.”  One thing we did not do was blame each other.It happened and it sucks but we will figure it out.
  Affirmations and guided mediatation and self hynosis helped both myself and my daughter get to sleep each night. The subconscience was still hearing these things and I really think they helped us remain hopeful and optomistic.
If anything I beileve this has only brought us closer together as a family as we did not blame each other. We didn’t blame so we didn’t have any resentment building up. We tried to remember that it could be worse and remained grateful and thankful for what we did have.
I have always been accused of being overly optomistic and scrupuloulsy honest. Actually there is one person who would not say that and it’s my inner struggle to continually prove that person wrong. I really feel those two things helped the most. I trusted my gut and told our story as it was, all the details up front. I don’t want to waste my time or there time.
It was a constant reminder that I was doing this my way. My gut, my intution both were telling me this is how it needed to be done. I adore that people tried to help and suggested I not reveal as much as I did. However I felt that would compromise my integrity and it woud compromise my optomistic faith in humanity as well. Both of which are values I hold dear.
I won’t lie there were times that my optomism ran low. Sometimes it was critically low. I learned just how fantastic of a support network I have. Rarely was it the same friend but they all seemed to take their turn swooping in and keeping me from loosing all hope. Sometimes with day drinking and shenannigans. Sometimes just a text. Sometimes lunch. Sometimes they just took my daughter for the weekend so I could just let loose and not worry about what my daughter saw.  So I could just relax and break loose and be myself without worrying about how it looked to my daughter. She knew how serious a situation we were in.  She saw me plenty of times break down. She didn’t need to see me loose it completely. I am not a moper so break down, loose it.Pick myself back up. My illnesses do a good enough job kicking me down. I won’t let them keep me down and I won’t let myself keep me down.
When we were living in tiny living arangements we were all squished together, that did not stop us from having quality family time activities. We made every effort to maintain our hikes, until the heat invaded, and after that the beach. Free quality family time is more precious then anything else having money to do would be required.
Here is the thing, my husband and I rarely have serious arguements. I have seen him on life support. I have watched machines breathe for him, tell his heart when to beat.We compromise, we don’t blame each other when things go wrong and most importantly we cling to each other and our love. A love that has survived so many many many things and continues to be strong. A love that when I did see him on life support smacked me in the gut and forced a seventeen year old me to know things way way ahead of time. To know that we had the kind of love that would survive if he would. We have survived pregnancy loss, we have survived a high risk pregnancy. We have survived unexpected family deaths. Its safe to say, surviving is what we do.
                         What’s it like every morning when you wake up?  What do you say to yourself to keep going on a positive Path?
                         How do you combine the Presence of your Mind and your Heart to get thru the Day and take necessary Steps?
                         What are the Resources in the Community that are available for other good folks who struggling in todays Society?
                         What are the Counseling and Spiritual Resources that have been most helpful?
                         What Resources are still missing that could be of major assistance in the Community?
                         What have been the Benefits of this Journey for you and your Family?  What strengths have you developed because
                         of  this situation?
Please also feel free to ask questions or things you were wondering.
also on instagram I have been doing a gratitude journal so check that out too.
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6 responses »

  1. I have been following you on IG for a couple of years now and read your blog from time to time. The other day, I showed my son a picture of your dog, who is adorable by the way and said shame these people are homeless and their dog is at kennels etc. He said no way are these people homeless. Admittedly, in our country, homelesss means living under a cardboard box on a sidewalk or under a bridge, but that wasn’t what made him think that.
    You, your daughter and husband are always laughing and smiling and your life from the “outside” looks enviable. You look content, loving and happy. A real happiness and love, not filtered for Social Media. Few have what you have. Really great that things are looking so much better for you and your family. ☺

    Like

    • Thank you so much for this. I do plan on writing about the face of homelessness and how it differs from society expectations. It is true often we only associate homeless with people on the street or living under the bridge.
      I try very hard to show our true authentic lives. Unfiltered and real.
      Your comments really made my day.

      Like

  2. Pingback: Day by Day, Step by Step Part two | chronicallysickmanicmother

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