Monthly Archives: July 2016

Quiet and Unassuming ( #1000speak )

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This is one of my favorite quotes. I think it is also an excellent example of being compassionate as well. We often feel we have to be all in on something. This says different. This says it is okay not to be perfect. It is okay to not hit the mark. This says that we can try again tomorrow and that is still courage to reach our ideals. I used to feel beaten down and defeated at the end of the day because people were so mean, and all I wanted to do was be nice. I felt bad about being cynical and jaded about people. Even still though, there was always a small part of me that continued to try. I didn’t really understand it. How can I keep doing this to myself. Why did I keep doing this to myself. Why couldn’t I make the switch from Optimistic to Pessimistic. It seemed to be pessimistic was a lot less hurtful. I wouldn’t expect people to be kind, empathetic or compassionate.

At my lowest, I loathed the fact that I still had that seed of optimism in people; in humanity.  Why could I not just let it go. I had been hurt badly by someone I had tried to believe only the best about. I tried over and over, day after day to deal with this person. In the end always feeling trampled down, insignificant and worthless. I have a tendency when hurt to do a lot of self-analysis. Sometimes that includes reading books. I can’t tell you what book I was reading at the time. Sometimes I think we are drawn to a book for just one sentence we need in our life at that exact moment. In this book I had stumbled upon a Nelson Mandela quote that just seemed to breathe optimism right back in me. It was renewed with a strong steady flame.

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I wasn’t excusing this persons behavior but I was no longer taking on the hurt they caused either.  I could change. I could embrace who I felt I really wanted to be a kind, compassionate caring person. I would not live up to this others idea of who I was, manipulative controlling and cruel. I would prove them wrong day by day by having the courage to practice being compassionate anew each day. It wasn’t until I realized being compassionate was a practice, not just who you are, that I seemed to get anywhere. It first had to start with being compassionate to me. WHAT? I had to be gentle with myself? I had to forgive myself for not always having compassionate thoughts and behavior?  I didn’t know how to do that. This was when I really put that first quote into daily practice. I would tell myself, ” So I didn’t roar today, tomorrow I will try again. I am doing the best I can. Tomorrow is another day.” I didn’t realize what I was doing was basically positive affirmations. I just knew it was working. Slowly but surely the hurt from people being mean stung less and less.

 

My appetite drenched for more, I read more and more books about compassion, love and kindness. I read Buddha. I read Nawang Khechog. I delved more into Tibetan Buddhism and reached deep into Native American culture. Sitting Bull, Black Elk, Chief Seattle and ate up ideas from the Dakota and Lakota nations. I was slowly learning that I could piece together what and how I wanted to believe and thus behave.  These books, these words, these people fed and fanned the flame inside me. The flame that wanted and needed to believe in compassion, empathy, love and kindness.

I am not saying the hate and the heartache that is going on in the world today is not affecting me. It is. In fact, I am fairly sure it has been hindering my writing as I can not wrap my head around this kind of hate. Where as the me of several years ago would have hardly been surprised by the hate of today. The only difference from the several years ago me and now is, I will try again tomorrow. I will try again the tomorrow after that and continue on trying again. Because I know, the courage to be compassionate does not always have to be loud and flashy. I will continue to hunt the news and media for kindness, compassion and empathy. I will continue to share that! If it has rekindled the flame in one person to be more compassionate, it has been worth it.  I myself may not be able to make humanity turn back to being compassionate but I can cast the first stone of kindness. I can toss compassion to those around me. I can disperse empathy as the medication it truly is.

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It is an excruciatingly slow process. I can wish it is not such a slow process. I can. However, I can’t let that hold me back. I can’t let that keep me from showing love and compassion. If you look back over the past several years you can see it. Love has made some huge wins.  Hate tries to fire back. It is up to us if we want to feed that hate or refuse it. I am not saying let people off the hook for their actions. No, I am saying though meet their actions with love. Take the time to see why and how they got to this point. LISTEN to them. Have empathy for their position but rebuke the hate and smother it in love and caring. As a Mother, I do this. I listen to my daughter when she is so angry and upset. When she feels a deep injustice has been dealt to her. It won’t get her out of trouble for her actions but it lets her know I care. I hear her and that is all any one ever wants, to be heard. To be seen.  It is past time we start doing this with our neighbors, our friends, and yes even strangers.

 

Join us. Read, Share, Write. 1000 Voices of Compassion Speak is just that. Voices crying out for compassion to be heard. To be practiced.  We are just one big village asking other villages to listen.  To not drowned in the hate and intolerance and injustice of this world but to see the positive.

 

Day by Day, step by step (part 1)

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These last six months , seven months, they have been tough. I am still not feeling settled and I know it is going to take several months for that to happen. I want it to happen now. Right now. I guesss I should have the patience to trust the universe by now.

I haven’t known how to start. Where to start. A friend was able to give me some prompting questions. I have been sitting with them and trying to answer them. Perhaps I could sit with them some more. However I think they are as complete as they can be right now. Perhaps in six months I can come back to them and sit with them for a while longer.

I am going to post them all at once but answer them one at a time. Not sure what my time table is for it but I will try to keep it to at least one a week. I think I need this for my own steps in healing.

 

What  are the Qualities that you, your husband and your daughter are manifesting to stay optimistic, maintain Harmony in your Family?
I don’t know that they are qualities so much as a belief. A belief that as long as we are together, we can do it. My husband sent me on Facebook Bon Jovi Living on a prayer. I can not tell you how many times I listened to that song. It helped when I was feeling depressed. It helped when I was feeling the rage of how unfair this all was. Very few times did I get through that song without crying. I fell asleep whispering ” we have each other and that’s a lot.”  One thing we did not do was blame each other.It happened and it sucks but we will figure it out.
  Affirmations and guided mediatation and self hynosis helped both myself and my daughter get to sleep each night. The subconscience was still hearing these things and I really think they helped us remain hopeful and optomistic.
If anything I beileve this has only brought us closer together as a family as we did not blame each other. We didn’t blame so we didn’t have any resentment building up. We tried to remember that it could be worse and remained grateful and thankful for what we did have.
I have always been accused of being overly optomistic and scrupuloulsy honest. Actually there is one person who would not say that and it’s my inner struggle to continually prove that person wrong. I really feel those two things helped the most. I trusted my gut and told our story as it was, all the details up front. I don’t want to waste my time or there time.
It was a constant reminder that I was doing this my way. My gut, my intution both were telling me this is how it needed to be done. I adore that people tried to help and suggested I not reveal as much as I did. However I felt that would compromise my integrity and it woud compromise my optomistic faith in humanity as well. Both of which are values I hold dear.
I won’t lie there were times that my optomism ran low. Sometimes it was critically low. I learned just how fantastic of a support network I have. Rarely was it the same friend but they all seemed to take their turn swooping in and keeping me from loosing all hope. Sometimes with day drinking and shenannigans. Sometimes just a text. Sometimes lunch. Sometimes they just took my daughter for the weekend so I could just let loose and not worry about what my daughter saw.  So I could just relax and break loose and be myself without worrying about how it looked to my daughter. She knew how serious a situation we were in.  She saw me plenty of times break down. She didn’t need to see me loose it completely. I am not a moper so break down, loose it.Pick myself back up. My illnesses do a good enough job kicking me down. I won’t let them keep me down and I won’t let myself keep me down.
When we were living in tiny living arangements we were all squished together, that did not stop us from having quality family time activities. We made every effort to maintain our hikes, until the heat invaded, and after that the beach. Free quality family time is more precious then anything else having money to do would be required.
Here is the thing, my husband and I rarely have serious arguements. I have seen him on life support. I have watched machines breathe for him, tell his heart when to beat.We compromise, we don’t blame each other when things go wrong and most importantly we cling to each other and our love. A love that has survived so many many many things and continues to be strong. A love that when I did see him on life support smacked me in the gut and forced a seventeen year old me to know things way way ahead of time. To know that we had the kind of love that would survive if he would. We have survived pregnancy loss, we have survived a high risk pregnancy. We have survived unexpected family deaths. Its safe to say, surviving is what we do.
                         What’s it like every morning when you wake up?  What do you say to yourself to keep going on a positive Path?
                         How do you combine the Presence of your Mind and your Heart to get thru the Day and take necessary Steps?
                         What are the Resources in the Community that are available for other good folks who struggling in todays Society?
                         What are the Counseling and Spiritual Resources that have been most helpful?
                         What Resources are still missing that could be of major assistance in the Community?
                         What have been the Benefits of this Journey for you and your Family?  What strengths have you developed because
                         of  this situation?
Please also feel free to ask questions or things you were wondering.
also on instagram I have been doing a gratitude journal so check that out too.