Ten Things of Thankful #I lost count

Standard

”Ten

Everyone assumes that depression is straight up straight down. You are depressed or you are not. It would be fantastic if it was that clear defined.  Depression is a balance it is not just going up stairs. You find yourself looking up and you think you are doing well and you look down to see somewhere along the way you started going down again. It is very confusing and you really have no idea when you went back down. It’s a balancing act of watching where your feet are going and looking up. Sometimes those stairs turn into a tight rope. Sometimes they are large wide spaced far apart stairs. This depression path is a tough one to figure out and it is constantly changing.
 I hate getting up in the early morning but really having no reason to get up multiple days in a row has not been good for me. I am more apt to wallow. It doesn’t feel like wallowing. I can tell myself I am just resting. I have been so busy. There has been so much going on. Let’s watch some netflix. Let’s play a few games. Oh look its dinner time. The whole freaking day is gone and I am not really sure how.
By now you are probably wondering how in the world does this tie into a Ten Things of Thankful post? I promise you it does.
You see I thought I was on my way up and I look down at my feet to see I am descending. Oh. Well how did that happen? So I am thankful that I am able to see clearly I was going down. I am thankful that I was able to turn to some Buddhist readings and find comfort. Suffering just is. It isn’t personal. Once we understand that we can mover foward.
I am thankful for youtube meditations. I have a few I love and it makes my day when they upload new videos. I swear this was just the notification I needed that day to turn myself back around.
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I am thankful that we live in such a gorgeous place that we can escape at the end of the day. A few minutes of family time just strolling the beach was near Nirvanna.
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I am thankful through a lot of hard work my daughter is reading more and more. I am anxious to see where her reading level is after all that we read this Summer.  The library has had a great deal of influence on her and she is excited that she is now old enough to join a book club.
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So There it is a Ten Things of Thankful post and if that isn’t ten things I am sure the pictures make up for any slack.
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10 responses »

  1. Your photos lift my spirits. I think I might try a guided meditation. Yoga helps put my mind and body into perspective. The teachings of Buddha are universally applicable to all of us. Your description of what depression feels like is enlightening. Have a good week

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    • Aw I am glad. I love Jody’s work. A lot of hers are also hypnosis so if you fall asleep its not a problem. She literally can make me sleep in under five minute she is so soothing. I spend way too much time trying to find the right words to describe depression.

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  2. Your daughter is so darling! I love seeing pictures of her, especially the beach ones (lucky ducks). I enjoyed your definition of depression; it was helpful to me, as I don’t have any experience with it otherwise.

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  3. There is no rhyme or reason to depression — it just is. Kind of like diabetes and insulin levels. Up and down. This way and that way. You can help it with diet and exercise and medication and mediation but sometimes it isn’t enough because of all the science and chemistry and all that other jazz we can’t see that works against us.
    But we. work. so. damn. hard…don’t we? We work hard to be well and we seek out all the good that makes our life worth it.
    I’m thankful that you keep fighting for you and for your sweet babe and family.
    You’re worth it xxoxo.
    I hope that this week is much better for you. Stay strong xoxo

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