Monthly Archives: May 2015

Glitterbombs and birthdays and sleep oh my! Ten Things of Thankful

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Ten Things. Ten things of Thankful. Ten big things. Ten little things. Ten big and little things. Ten things that are big to me but little to you. Ten things that are little to me but big to you. Can you find ten things to be thankful for in the past seven days? Can you do it and not change your attitude? I dare you to try it.

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How has it been a whole week already? Forget that how has it been a whole school year already? Summer is indeed here. School is out. However, that does not mean the thankfuls stop. It might even increase the thankfuls, come August. Oh okay probably it will just increase the thankfuls. So lets get right down to it.  If you know me….you know its also going to be picture heavy. Pictures take the place of my short term memory sometimes or something like that. They help me remember. So I take A LOT of pictures.

1. BIRDS!

The Black Skimmer nesting area

The Black Skimmer nesting area

Black Skimmers cooling off in the water. Its not injured. Their top beak is actually that short. They literally skim the water for food, eating fish up to five inches long.

Black Skimmers cooling off in the water. Its not injured. Their top beak is actually that short. They literally skim the water for food, eating fish up to five inches long.

This still amazes me. Some of these clouds only showed up once I took the picture. It was so weird to look at the spot I took the picture of and look at the picture and see two different things. I am sure its because of Science.

This still amazes me. Some of these clouds only showed up once I took the picture. It was so weird to look at the spot I took the picture of and look at the picture and see two different things. I am sure its because of Science.

2. being able to reach out and help members of our church in return.

Our church has been so amazingly supportive. It was a great feeling helping not one but two church members this week.

3. Sleep. I hesitate to say this but I think the thyroid meds might have fully kicked in. I have been getting some down right decent sleep in the wee hours of the morning and that is normally my hardest time to sleep. Whatever it is, I will take it and just in time for summer vacation. Don’t bother Mommy until at least eight am okay. Okay. yeah. That will happen.

4. Continuing birthday celebrations

Somewhat sad it is not alcoholic but it was good for me!. It is water kefir. This one flavored like a mojito!!

Somewhat sad it is not alcoholic but it was good for me!. It is water kefir. This one flavored like a mojito!!

The famous dark chocolate flourless cake. This time we didn't split a slice. We each had a slice. That was one heck of a sugar rush!

The famous dark chocolate flourless cake. This time we didn’t split a slice. We each had a slice. That was one heck of a sugar rush!

More birthday presents!!! Two down comforters I am now wedged between them at night. AHHHHHHH!!!!

More birthday presents!!! Two down comforters I am now wedged between them at night. AHHHHHHH!!!!

Ignore the mess of the car, its been cleaned since then. A new Whovian Shirt and a new Sherlock cup!!!

Ignore the mess of the car, its been cleaned since then. A new Whovian Shirt and a new Sherlock cup!!!

5. Unexpected glitter bombs

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A very special and sweet lady sent me this. Can you guess who? Glitter, a ladybug!! and glitter tattoo! and a medal for winning at life!!!  This time I opened it on my bed and not in my car. Much easier to clean up.

6. NEW PLANTS. I can’t promise I won’t kill them in the end but remember a while back we got anti-mosquito plants for around the hammock.. well all but one of them are still alive. Plus I have kept a small herb garden going for six months now. So I inherited a cucumber plant and everglades tomato plant. Maybe my black thumb is starting to turn somewhat brownish green.

These I don’t have pictures of yet. Everglade tomatoes are a native to Florida Tamatoe! (I spelled it both ways so however you say it, one is right!)

7 networking in unexpected places.

Someone I met online, who lives local. Like minds and so much we can do together to help the community and each other in so many ways.

8 Princess P!!! We got to spend some time together on Wednesday. Hopefully with Summer coming there will be more playdates!

The face. Omg she kills me with cuteness!

The face. Omg she kills me with cuteness!

All the selfies. ALLLLLL THE SELFIES!

All the selfies. ALLLLLL THE SELFIES!

Might just be my new favorite picture of her.

Might just be my new favorite picture of her.

9. These lizards

Yes. Yes they are. Not only were they, they froze and just looked at me. I left them be but it cracked me up they just froze like they got caught.

Yes. Yes they are. Not only were they, they froze and just looked at me. I left them be but it cracked me up they just froze like they got caught.

10. Juicing!

I have gotten back in the swing of it and I have to say; I am not sure I would have survived this week without juicing each morning. Cucumbers, ginger, turmeric, beets, and sometimes greens and garlic. Oh and lemons.

Then I had the great idea to add some juice to some recently ready Kombucha and let it ferment a bit longer.

BY far the best batch I have made. I drank the whole liter in one day. There was no self control.

And fizz. Yes I had alll the fizz. I have never had it punch a hole in the ziplock bag. Despite precautions I got coated in Kombucha. Definitely doing this again.

And fizz. Yes I had alll the fizz. I have never had it punch a hole in the ziplock bag. Despite precautions I got coated in Kombucha. Definitely doing this again.

There they are, My ten Things. Now, How about you? Join the blog hop or just come and read and get all the warm fuzzies.

 

”Ten

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Starting a food prep/cook day with a chronic illness

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Recently I was in a discussion about how I handle food prep and cook day to ensure I continue to eat healthy. It is so hard to function by the end of the day that it is easy to just order take out night after night or to skip eating all together. When my pain level rises I rarely am hungry. Having this day is not easy and it is an all day thing. Don’t expect to function much afterwards. Do expect a rise in your pain levels the first couple times you do it. I promise the more you do it, the more you put good healthy REAL food in you the better you will feel.
I think the best way to start is to go super easy. Lets start with Overnight oats for breakfast , egg and veggie muffins for snacking, Mason Jar salads, and what I call freezer meals. You are going to need a lot of mason jars for this but its the easiest thing to use and for some reason, the salads stay good for over five days in them. Not sure why. Probably some weird science thing.

Breakfast food grocery list

 

14 Mason jars with lids  1 large tub of Greek yogurt( ideally this would be plain but you can get away with vanilla) 1 pint blueberries and I think Blackberries are in season so 1 container of those 2 slightly under-ripe bananas Sliced almonds chia seeds Ground flaxseed Fat free milk(you can use any kind of milk , so almond milk coconut milk those are fine too) Old fashion oats Set out seven mason jars. In each mason jar pour 1/2 cup milk first, then add 1/3 cup greek yogurt, 1/3 cup oats, 2 tablespoons chia, 2 tablespoons flaxseed 1/2 cup fruit( you can mix or just do one fruit in each jar) I like blueberry banana . Bananas need to be sliced. 1/4 cup sliced almonds. Shake and put in fridge.

Snack Grocery list

1 dozen eggs

1 bag chopped kale

1 bag sliced mushrooms

Ground turmeric

ground ginger are a great boosting option to this, add to your taste.

Mix all in a bowl. Grease a muffin tin and pour mix in. Bake at 350 for twenty minutes. When done set aside let cool.  Two “muffins” can go in each zip-lock bag. A really smart friend then put her individual snack bags into a large zip-lock bag so they don’t all get lost and spread over the refrigerator

Lunch Grocery list

1 can chickpeas

1 can salmon or tuna

1 package Deli chicken strips

1 head of romaine

1 bag spinach

2 containers feta

sliced carrot sticks( like the little matchstick ones)

4 cucumbers diced bell peppers ( our store has them diced but sometimes i have to slice and dice them too)

Salad dressings of choice

Line up seven mason jars. In the bottom you are going to put your salad dressing. It is recommended to keep this to no more than two tablespoons Then comes your hard veggies, Carrot sticks, peppers, diced cucumbers(each salad should get roughly half a cucumber) Then comes the chickpeas, This is also where you add a meat choice here to mix it up or even some can tuna or salmon. I personally like the salmon. Then you can rotate Romaine and spinach add the feta last.

The snack eggs should be done by this time. Just set aside to cool.

Dinner freezer meals;If you prefer to use a toaster oven and avoid the microwave you are going to need small glass entree size containers. Otherwise glad or zip-lock entree containers are fine.

Dinner Shopping list

2 pounds chicken

1 pound fish

1 bag quinoa

1 container chicken broth(the less sodium more organic ones are the best option)

1 bag parsnips

about a pound of green beans

Sugar snap peas

1 head broccoli

1 bunch beets.

The easiest way I have found to cook this is on a cookie sheet wrap it in tin foil. Then wrap chicken with whatever seasonings you want in tinfoil. I set the chicken in the middle of a square of tinfoil then fold up and close it up. I typically just use garlic rosemary and lemon zest. Sometimes adding Turmeric as well. You can season each chicken breast seperately if you so choose. They will be cooking in tinfoil in their own juices. Repeat with fish of choice, my family will eat tilapia the easiest so that is what we use but you can use any white fish. Typically I just cook it with lemon and we top with parmesean . Slice the cauliflower and our favorite is to coat in coconut oil add some sea salt and some dill seed and thyme. Wrap it in tinfoil same as chicken folding it up. Slice the beets and add a tablespoon of oil of your choice really Wrap those in tinfoil the same way. Parsnips you can peel if you so desire we don’t normally. Same thing with tinfoil normally i just roll them in about two teaspoons of oil and sprinke sea salt on top. All this goes on baking sheet that was wrapped in tinfoil. Goes in the oven for an hour at 350. The tinfoil helps it all cook evenly and makes it so much easier to clean up after. Set four pots on the stove. Cook enough quinoa in the chicken broth for seven servings in pot one. In pot two go the green beans , pot three sugar snap peas and pot four broccoli. The veggies in the pot you are going to slightly undercook. When the meat and veggies are done in the oven take out and put on table. Well I put it on the table. Then put the pots next to it. Line up your seven entree dishes(gladware or glass) and put about 1/4 cup quinoa two veggie choices and a meat. Put top on and toss in freezer.

 

I only know how long it takes to thaw and heat in the microwave. If you can remember to take one out of the freezer in the morning and put it in the refrigerator that makes heat up time about five minutes. If you have it in the freezers no worries its about eight minutes. Of course this all depends on your microwave.

The first two times you may want to ask a friend to help you. Then you kinda find your rythm or groove or whatever and it goes faster; None of this is set in stone. Change up veggies for dinners as seasons change, same for fruits in overnight oats. There are tons and tons and tons of overnight oats and mason jar salads on Pinterest. The freezer meals I came up with several months back for my husband so he could have real food when he worked nights. Like I said with the salads they last up to ten days so you can easily do this for two weeks if that makes it easier.

DO plan for this to be a full days project.

It typically takes me from eight thirty am to about two thirty pm to complete and I normally am only capable of resting after that. I am pretty much spent for the day.

Then you can start exploring make ahead crock pot meals that you can freeze. So easy.with the same premise only these everything goes in prepped but not cooked in zip-lock freezer bags freeze it and then the same though of defrosting in fridge then dump the bag in crock pot. This would make it more family friendly. There are so many crock pot recipes on Pinterest I find it hard to believe you can’t make two weeks worth of food without someone getting bored of crock pot.

I did this entire thing for a friend of mine who also has fibro and she noticed a dramatic difference in less than a week.

Research the recipes you want to use and plan it out. I would recommend planning it on a different day than actually doing it. My brain can’t handle that much with chronic pain also going on.

Seeing the light through Ten Things of Thankful

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Friday was a whirlwind of productivity and yet fun and enjoyable at the same time. I didn’t realize I needed to write my post until like six pm and decided my brain would do better if I waited until Saturday morning.

So let’s review what happened this week.

Monday

Wow Monday was a really long time ago. What in the heck did I do? Oh, I remember now. I tried to do my cleaning job but that was not going very well for multiple reasons. It wasn’t just me. I came home and actually got some rest and then got some cleaning done. The babysitting job I had lined up cancelled but actually that is okay because I really needed to concentrate on me and the house.  We ended up having to ask for help for groceries and it was responded to with so much love and caring.

Thankful that my friends know when I am not really up to a task and let me bow out gracefully.

Thankful we have such a wonderful church family at the Unitarian Universalist church.

Tuesday

I went back and finished my cleaning job. I came home and finished some of the cleaning and got some writing done. The husband and the kid have suspected we had rodents in our walls in this one area. I decided to sit near it while I wrote, what we have is a cat. A cat who likes to sit on the curio cabinet and scratch her claws on the wall and the  top of the light fixture that is in the curio cabinet. As I was cleaning a friend texted saying she made way too much curry lentil soup and would we please take some. We accepted but only if she joined us to enjoy it.

Thankful for friends who seem to have the most perfect timing and delicious food.

Thankful we don’t have rodents in our walls

Wednesday

On Wednesday I escaped. A friend and I were up to shenanigans and we went to the beach for a couple hours. We had great conversations and enjoyed some frozen blackberries and watermelon after swimming. It also seemed like all the beach wildlife was out in full force just for me. My birthday is just a day away now(on Sunday). We saw so many different fish and some crabs too.

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Thankful for friends who are up for early morning shenanigans.

Thursday

Oh Thursday! I chaperoned a field trip to the Florida Aquarium.Such a long day and so many many many stairs. My knees, hips and ankles were not so happy about that. HOWEVER, we had a great time.

There is a video of an octopus not sure if this link will work but I hope so. 

Thankful that I have made so much progress physically that I was able to enjoy the day with the kids.

Friday

Friday was allllllllllllll the grocery shopping, food prepping and cooking and freezing too. Not only did I help a friend with this. I did some for myself as well. I also ended up grocery shopping for me later that day too. I am fairly certain my chai and kombucha lied to me about how productive I could be and then conspired with a cola and a mountain dew to get me through the rest of the day. We had a lovely dinner out with just my husband and the kid as well.

Thankful for friends who let me help them get back on the healthy tract eating.

Thankful for a great dinner with the family.

Thankful for caffeine even if it does lie.

I think that is ten things. If I miscounted, I am sure there is enough in here to qualify for ten things. Oh WAIT.

I DO HAVE ANOTHER THANKFUL!

Friday while out and about, I got an email saying that a nonprofit blog would like me to tweak my Classism post and send it to them and they would pay for it as well!!!!! I can’t believe I forgot to put that as Number one because really it quite blew me away.

Connecting with Compassion to who I am #1000speak

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Everybody dreams what their life will be like when they are older. Especially when you are a teenager and life is so hard and no one even remotely understands you. Life will be so much better when you are an adult and in charge.I would get married. We would have at least two kids but probably more and of course we would have a boy first and then a girl. We would have this nice house which I would always be able to keep clean. We would have success after success at our careers. We would have money for vacations and would be well-traveled. This picture of how it will be drives you on and on and on. Until it doesn’t. Until that is not how your life is going at all, not even remotely. Your daydreams didn’t account for reality. They didn’t account for infertility, job loss, deaths of loved ones, and on and on the list could go. That’s the problem I struggled with for a while, the picture of my life in my head and how it really has gone.

Many days and nights spent berating myself for messing it up so badly. I obviously wasn’t trying hard enough, doing enough, being enough. I had to get my act together. It was past time to grow up and be the adult I dreamed I would be. In time, I added to that. It was time to be the wife I dreamed I would be. It was time to be the mother I dreamed I would be. It was time I had the career I wanted. I was so good at criticizing myself. Really , I still am.

Every month for a week at a time I would beat myself up. It was so easy to get pregnant we had been told. It only takes one time. Every month I struggled with the feelings of not being enough. Not being woman enough to do a simple thing like get pregnant. Made worse only by doctors who said “ah your young it will happen. There is nothing wrong.” Nothing wrong at all with a nineteen year old, a twenty year old, a twenty-one year old trying month after month to get pregnant and failing. Month after month of seeing my dreams flushed down the toilet, literally. Finally when a doctor did believe, I wasn’t relieved. I didn’t feel vindicated. I felt broken. The day came and the test was positive, for a short while everything was back in place. Then it was gone. I was back to flushing my dreams down the toilet. That picture in my head said I should be pregnant with baby number two by now. That picture in my head was starting to shake and tremble. If I was really honest that picture had broken years ago but I refused to see it.

The test was positive. I took a million more. I didn’t really believe it. I was sure something was going to happen. Even as I was in labor, something would happen. My dreams can’t be coming true. I will mess this up some how. We were leaving the hospital with a baby. WITH. A. BABY. For a few days I believed and then, you have eighteen years to mess this up every day. For eighteen months I worried about every single detail. No, I didn’t worry, I obsessed. I question every decision at least ten times. My house could never be clean enough, I could never be doing enough for this precious life. Obviously the only answer was to try for another baby. You know so I could mess it up twice. I mean so I could get at least one right. Maybe. Two months and nothing. So much for the second time being so much easier. Then the phone call. My husband lost his job. Laid off. Back to the doctor I went, for birth control.

At this point you maybe wondering if I had the same issues around getting married. The simple answer is no. The process was not simple at all. Three weeks after we met my husband was in a car accident. He had been taken by Helicopter out to a trauma hospital. Scary words were said, like life support, coma, brain injury. To see someone like that is not easy. To see someone like that and suddenly know they can’t die your suppose to marry this person.The only second guessing I have is , if he hadn’t been in that accident would I have ever known? Would I have messed that up and walked away. For a long time that answer was probably. Probably I would have walked away from the greatest thing in my life. I am sure I would have messed it up.

One day it was clear. I needed help. Therapy started quickly, before I changed my mind. Medication happened. Medication changes and more therapy. It took me years to be comfortable with self-analysis. This was just simply not done. You simply didn’t do self- analysis with someone else. This is what you did in bed late at night when no one was around. Most certainly you never told anyone, let alone discussed it. Slowly progress was made. Until it all fell apart. It like literally fell apart, got laid off then my car blew up and then I wrecked my “new” car. I tried to pick it back up and worked at a new job for three months and then I realized. No my family is more important to me then this. This work and have nothing left, using medications that allowed me to work but ultimately would shorten my life considerably. My family deserved more than this.

It really wasn’t though, it just seemed like it. Instead it was all falling into place. All that therapy was not for nothing. I have been slowly coming to accept where I am. The first thing I had to do was tear up and burn that picture in my head of how life was supposed to be. Chronic illness had dictated long ago just how clean I could get and keep my house. It dictated a lot of things for a while. Second thing was to tell this chronic illness crap it wasn’t the boss of me, well not all the time. I started writing as a form of self-analysis and as something that maybe eventually one day it would help someone else. Even if it only helped me it was worth it.

Four years later, trying to look back to what really ultimately helped me make the change. The change that took me from a person who had to please everyone else even if it didn’t please her to the one who likes to please others but knows she has to please herself as well. I can’t tell you how much watching tv show after tv show actually helped because I stayed true to what truly interested me. How many Doctor Who episodes I watched at just the right time. The universe was getting its message to me.

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I can’t tell you how much these words stuck with me long after the episode was over. I can’t tell you how much I really just sat and thought about how I feel about these words. There were quite a few others I am sure that I heard but didn’t really hear. I know now that it wasn’t the right time for me to hear them. Somewhere along the way I found myself back to being an avid reader. Somehow I was finding myself. Four years of this, so don’t think it was just one day. I can’t tell you where I was in the journey when I saw this next quote. I just know it stuck with me.

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Huh, yeah. THAT. For a while I just related to this post. I would see it and it would always get a “like”. Then maybe I shared it. The more it sat in my brain just percolating the more I thought about it. Then came the final point, the epiphany if you will. What if I just let go of that picture? What if instead of burning it or ripping it in anger of how it was “suppose” to be. I just let it go. Slowly, I began to actually enjoy my life. I began to start analyzing what I do have about a year ago.

I can’t tell you that voice that always says I am not enough, not doing enough is gone. It is not. It is not always easily squelched under foot either. This is where Buddhism has really come into play for me. Reading some of the Buddhist texts and books available through the Unitarian Universalist Library in our Church I found this quote.  This quote quite often becomes my mantra during meditation.

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I can’t tell you how many times that voice tries to rise and I can only answer Self compassion repeated over and over. I am not quite there yet. I am not quite to who I am yet. I am getting closer and stronger in it every day though.I am trying every day to connect with who I am instead of who I thought I would be.  I hope you are too. I hope you are showing yourself compassion because that voice is wrong. It is dead wrong. You are enough.

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Please do CONNECT with Compassion and Link up to 1000 Voices of Compassion Speak

Karma will win in the end

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I have talked about the whole scam thing vaguely. I had to wait until I was at a point I could really just tell it all. If all this does is spread awareness, it is enough.

I knew Squish would be going to daycare once he started walking. I decided to be proactive and registered on Care.com. I was not looking for any jobs just put my resume up. Let it hang out there and just be ready. Then maybe two weeks later I got a text from a woman who called herself Kristi.

” I found your resume on Care.com. My friend Samantha is looking for a nanny for her son. Please email her. ” She listed an email.

My immediate thought was no. I am not looking I am not ready and I am not responding. Well maybe that was not the right way to handle it. Maybe I need to respond and at least see what she is looking for. Maybe this will give me an idea of what people are looking for. So I emailed my resume to the email listed. The next day I got an email from “Samantha”. It was a long email basically stating she needed help four hours a day three days a week with her three year old son. She had been offered a private research contract and was transferring from Australia to Florida. There was some discussion about skyping but mostly it was left by the wayside when the time difference was apparent.  This emailing went back and forth for several days. By the time she had said she would hire me we had exchanged over ten emails.

Then she said there had been a miscommunication between her husband and her and I would not need to get housestuff and probably not food either. The check had already been issued though. It would instead be helpful if I met the landlord at the house and give him the cash for a deposit.  I was starting to get concerned.

The next day first thing in the morning I started receiving text from a new number stating it was “Samantha”. Suddenly now there was going to be two checks. All the texts seemed fairly normal other than there was now two checks. She said to cash the one but to hold the other until they got there Monday they would fix it then. Mostly she just wanted to know when I had the checks so she didn’t have to worry.  I asked for more details about her job and what her husband does and by the way isn’t it like the middle of the night in Australia.  No response to that one.  The checks come and I suspect issue with them. So we walked the one for Suntrust into the bank. The bank manager took one look at it and said it was counterfeit.  More scurrying of texts. Samantha could not believe this. I will have to contact my bank. Just cash the other one. UM. NO. So I tell her if she is real and not a scam have her landlord call and meet me somewhere. I needed to talk to a real live person before I would put my name out there. The phone rings. The number is from Texas. A guy claiming to be her landlord said yes I am her landlord just go to check cashing place and cash check.  Um. NO. Several times he told me to go to check cashing place and cash the check. NOPE. Texts start from “Samantha”  Did he call? Is everything ok? Just cash the other check. I got it he called and Nope I won’t be cashing the check.

 

I would like to say that people have said to me that when it seems too good to be true……

No. That is not the right way to think. I have struggled against that kind of thinking all my life and I have slowly been turning it around. I am confident this happened for a reason. Lesson learned move on. It hurts my heart that there are people out there like this because  as THE DOCTOR (Doctor Who) says: We are so much better then this. Humanity is so much better than this. I know I am still processing quite a bit of this. I am still working my way through it all.  I got mad. I cried. I laughed. I was sarcastic. Now its just heal and move on and tuck this lesson firmly in my belt. I think the bottom line lesson here is trust my gut. I was so anxious about this and was reasoning it out that it was such a big move and meant so much to us.

Classism amongst kids

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Most nights my daughter and I have a bedtime routine that she crawls into my bed at seven pm. We discuss whatever is on her mind while snuggling and most often watching Chopped on the Food Network.
Last week what was on her mind broke my heart. What she told me shocked me and then had my heart breaking. Two girls in her class were picking on her about living in a trailer. That she was poor and where did she get her clothes anyway. I tried to think and recover at the same time. I told her there are people that are much poorer than we are. I told her we have a house and food and clothes which is more than some people. She said yeah like those homeless people in the parking lots. Then I told her there are some people who live in big houses and more food then they know what to do with. They drive big fancy cars and wear fancy clothes but they are poor. I told her poor doesn’t always just mean money. We have had many discussions that money is not everything and happiness is much more important than money. We discussed that she doesn’t get her clothes anywhere different than most of the other kids in her class. I know for a fact many get their clothes from Target,we do to. We also like to go to Goodwill. I told her going to Goodwill doesn’t mean you are poor. It means you are smart. You know that clothes get outgrown and instead of spending lots of money on clothes you won’t wear long you go to Goodwill. She immediately said her favorite dress comes from Goodwill. Yes, yes it does.
The next morning I still could not get it out of my head. My heart broke for her that she was having to experience this. My husband and I both come from similar backgrounds and this was a huge issue for us growing up. I emailed her teacher. I didn’t tell her I was going to and I was kind of nervous about what her reaction was going to be. He assured me he would address it immediately.
When she got in the car we talked about it and she said she was glad he talked about it. She was happy I emailed him. I didn’t necessarily agree with what was said but I also am taking into consideration that it was filtered down through the mind of a nine and a half year old.
It kills me that this is even still an issue amongst our kids today. Why? WHY can’t we get it through our heads that this kind of thing gets us nowhere. All it does is hurt.

100 times Ten things of Thankful

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I knew it was Friday. I thought about writing this yesterday but never got back around to it. It has been a long day and my brain just wants to say. “eh it was a week lets not look too closely at it shall we.” Once upon a time I would have let it get away with that. Its been a year of Ten Things of THankful for me now. I finally tracked down that first post.

All that to say I still need to review my week:

Stand-by please : (starts talking out loud but really its just talking to myself)

Monday what did I do Monday oh yes cleaning job then helping a friend with looking at some selections for a house. Then we went to harp concert. Tuesday um Tuesday what did I do? Oh yes Saw Princess P and had a church meeting came home and went thrift store hoping with a friend who also tried my arthritis tonic.Wednesday that I remember was starbucks and writing and helping some elderly people and lunch with a friend and a tiny bit of cleaning our house and another church meeting. Thursday was What DID I do thursday? Ah yes did some cleaning, did some more writing, Treated myself , had yet another meeting, then we went out to dinner as a family. u, then what then what did I do? What does that bring us to? Oh wait, yes Friday . Well thats today. Helping Squish’s mom who had a procedure done and I entertained Squish and we had lunch and then lots of laughing on the way to pick up maggie and then grocery shopping then picking up Snickerdoodle and then came home and attempted to cook dinner. okay I guess I have a review. Now to pick ten things out of that. This is normally where Sarcasm would rise and I would make some people laugh but it really wouldn’t help me see the silver lining.

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I love Ultracur so much when others talk about Turmeric I always recommend it.

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1. I do have a little income coming in via me cleaning job. It is appreciated.

2. Princess P is getting so big and sassy too. She makes me happy no matter whatelse is going on in my life. Tuesday was no different. She informed the ants it is not okay to bite her. NOT OKAY.

3. Thrift store sifting.  Finally found a blender.

4. The kid continues to amaze me on her talents on playing the harp.

5.. Friends who have sent just the right text or shared just the right facebook post or just had an extra hug for me this week. A few went above and beyond and helped more with groceries and gas.  Much appreciated.

6. OH yeah this too. Thursday my walking partner and I went on our old walking path and still had great pacing even having been a bit bad about keeping up on it.

7.Dinner with family. It may be considered a splurge to some people. We however value family time and at home we rarely sit at the table all together. In fact we rarely use the table except to collect things. So taking the money to sit down at the table and have a meal is pretty close to priceless for me.

8. The seven virgin guards said something goes here

9. Thankful for the seven virgin guards.

10.  I got to play with Squish most of the day today and THEN I got to see Snickerdoodle too!

Tell me your ten!!

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One week til compassion floods the internet

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This month well it has been kind of a whirlwind.

1000 Voices of Compassion goes live again on May 20th. That is exactly one week from today.

This month the highlighted topic is Connection. How can you connect to compassion? There are some writing prompts here if you need so inspiration. As for what my topic will be, I will give you two hints.

Hint one:

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Good guy Socrates. Really knew what he was talking about.

Hint two:

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What the hell is wrong with people……a Ten Things of Thankful version?

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This title is drastically different from Wednesday’s post now isn’t it. That is because later that day I discovered, yet again, there are seriously messed up people in this world. Seriously. Messed. Up. I thought we had hit the break we needed. I thought we  the light at the end of the tunnel was suddenly shining brighter. Instead I am dealing with police investigation and a lack of a job. Scam scam scam and you can bet there will be a whole blog post telling others about this so no one else falls for this because there was no mention of wiring or sending money anywhere. Deep breathes, but I am determined to learn and move on. I am determined to not let these people completely destroy what hope in humanity I had built up. I am not going to let them pull me into negativity.

That being said, I am spent the day thinking about how I can be thankful about all this. It helped I also had a puking and too sick to play little girl laying half on top of me most of the day. That too has a spot in my thankful believe it or not.

1. Thankful that I was smart enough and consciences enough to go into the bank to deposit check. Apparently what she meant by overnight deposit was to put it in the ATM. The bank took one look and said it was counterfeit.

2. Thankful that I asked for further verification and thus they added to the evidence by actually calling me.

3. Thankful that I don’t now have a criminal record for check fraud.

4. Thankful that I don’t now owe the bank money for a fraudulent check.

5. Thankful for great friends who helped pick me up, get my head thinking clearly and back on tract.

6. Thankful that even though the kid puked in my bed at three am. I am thankful that it is so much different than when she puked as a toddler or young child. There was no hysterical crying after each puking session that inevitably only made things worse. She was able to communicate effectively what part of her body was bothering her and how it hurt. So much easier to deal with than a hysterical three year old who if asked will say her eyelashes hurt.

And no I didn’t take any pictures of these events.

7. Thankful that I could spend the day in bed with her and that she even exploded my heart into a million pieces telling me she didn’t want me to puke from snuggling with her.

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8. Thankful that on Tuesday even though I didn’t really want to I forced myself on a walk and got to see two otters playing and eating in the canal I was walking along.

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9. Thankful for friends who knew how much I needed a short walk on the beach before I knew how much I needed a short walk on the beach.

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10. Thankful for more friends who rescued me on sick day with Gatorade, chicken noodle soup, yogurt and my favorites coke and benedryl.

Then I stumbled onto these on The Master Shift Facebook page and they have really stuck with me.

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A scary kind of wonderful

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If you read my Friday blog post for Ten Things of Thankful you know that big changes are coming. It has me scared and excited at the same time. Feeling all the feelings and thinking of all the worries at the same time. Change is never easy. Big change seems even harder. It seems like the world should just stop its spinning and let you catch up a bit. It doesn’t. It never does. Instead it seems like suddenly the world is spinning faster and faster and you barely have time to catch your breath. It leaves you slightly exhilarated and also feeling like you might vomit at any second. Positive affirmations and many guided meditation sessions have done much to help the process along. It helps quiet the voice of all the things that could go wrong.

It is slowly working and the funny thing is I know this because at times that pessimistic voice that tries to tell me I don’t deserve nice things, good things don’t happen to me, it will never work out; gets louder. It may get louder but it is not sticking around very long. That is quite different from even just last year. It has been slow and steady progress and intentionally paying attention to each and every day. Still even with all of that; the argument rages in my head. You made the wrong decision. You just screwed yourself, your family, your daughter.No, I will think positive. This will happen. This is exactly what we need. This is what we have been working towards. It is putting my foot on that side that is mostly unknown. So many unknowns where if I just stay here. I know what to expect. I won’t grow, we won’t continue to change and grow but its safe here. So I take that step with the determination to keep up the meditation and positive affirmations and reaching out to my support net.

All this to say that I know I have made huge progress in the last four years , So I am confident I can continue to thrive. I can look back and see what I have gone through. I can see how dark it was and how deep the depression was. I can see how tight things were. How close to loosing everything I was.When I look back it scares me a bit , but it also gives me the strength to keep pushing forward.  I have better coping skills and such a tight and wonderful supportive net of people around me.

Even with this job change I do plan to continue publishing on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays will of course continue to be Ten Things of Thankful. I really don’t want to think of where I would be without Ten Things of Thankful.

I refuse to stop making progress. I refuse to hapazardly feed depression and anxiety. They will feed I know but, I control how much they eat. I control how much they take from me. Not controlled no but caged for the time being.