Resuming motherhood……….

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This really amazing thing happened. I got a night off from everything. It was just me and the house. I realized it around two or three pm, so decided dinner would include wine.  I could put being a wife and a mother on a shelf for the night and just focus on me. That totally happened. 

First I had to drop off her overnight bag and when I went to leave, she didn’t want a hug and a kiss. Her friend gave me a hug. Hey sometimes beggars can’t be choosers, I will take it.

I knew my Driver licenses was in the trunk. I was hoping it was still tucked into the book like I had left it. It wasn’t. It was down in the spare tire wheel well covered in grease and spilt laundry soap. It was readable, good enough for me.

I got to stroll through the grocery store. I wavered between white or red wine. I really prefer my red wine chilled and they didn’t have any chilled. I went with the white because I didn’t want to wait for the red to chill. Greek Tzatziki pizza and white whine. Get to the check out line and am telling the cashier how I dug out my ID.She says she appreciates it, says sometimes it is a compliment to be asked for your ID

.. Looks at my ID…

Well I wouldn’t have guessed that…

Wait….What?

I get home and go through her Friday folder of all her work she completed the last week. Where I discovered all the blood sweat and tears I put into her science project with her paid off. We got straight A’s! Everything was graded as above average. Well that deserves another glass of wine right there. I was totally only crying because I was overtired. Not that the work for my project my daughters project paid off.

I caught up on some blogs I read. Realized it was now eight pm and no one had bothered me at all. No interruptions. This required more celebration. I will take a bath and read;with another glass of wine of course.

I get ready for bed. Lock all the doors turn everything off and lay down.

It’s too quiet.

Which strikes me as funny because I like it quiet to fall asleep. So I turn on some meditation music. I am sure I will fall asleep to that.

An hour later, I get up and make sure everything is locked again and kind of walk through the house longing for the normal sounds of my family. Even when they are quiet or asleep there are little noises.  Wondering what my husband is doing, at least I know he got to his game safe.

More meditation music and I finally fall asleep.

I get up, of course, three hours later and go to check on the kid. I get halfway to her bedroom before I remember, she is not there. So then I find myself wondering if she remembered to wake up and go to the bathroom and how was she sleeping and a million other little things.

Finally fall back to sleep. It did not escape my notice that several times when I woke up I reached out to the other side of the bed and it took me a moment to realize why it was empty.

I slept until eight am. GLORIOUS! Wait. When did eight am become sleeping in. So I think, “I will just stay in bed til ten or maybe eleven. “

Guess who was not okay with that? The dog. The cats. They were ready to go potty and to be fed. This is something my daughter does. Well forget staying in bed.If I have to take the dog out, I am up.

In my normal routine of medicating and getting my chai and getting dressed , I find myself wondering how my daughter is.Did she take her supplements? What did she eat for breakfast? Did she sleep well?

So much for putting motherhood and being a wife on a shelf for the night.

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The next night I let my daughter fall asleep in our bed. How comforting just laying in bed watching her sleep. My  hand resting on her back feeling the steady rhythmic breathing, thinking funny this is just as comforting  now as it was when she was a baby. It is just as much a relief to that constant angst that she is in fact okay.

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6 responses »

  1. It’s funny how much I want a night to myself, but know that I will be missing and worrying about my daughter the whole time probably. Sounds like, overall, you had a great night though! 🙂

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  2. I’m glad you got a bit of a break. That’s important. I was a single mom so I got a break, whether I wanted it or not, every Wednesday when the kids were at their dad’s. Unless one of the three decided to stay home with mom, which was usually the case.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Spot on – even a night off, isn’t ever really a night off for us. I also don’t sleep well when my family are away, keep waking up and the house feels ’empty’.
    And that leisurely walk through the grocery store – ah how lovely!
    Nice you got to do what you wanted and lie in the next morn.
    🙂

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