Monthly Archives: February 2015

The week of no brain at all but yet Ten Things of Thankful Still


Last night as I was driving home it really hit me that it was Friday and I had yet to do a single thing for Ten Things of Thankful. When I got home that thought to write it was gone. It came back briefly but I realized I was done for the day. You see, Monday I felt like being extra productive. I was spraying the kid’s room with mold and mildew remover due to our dryer currently throwing most of the heat into her room. Since we are both really allergic to Mold I thought I would be proactive.  The only problem, the spray triggers my allergic Asthma. The next morning I was pretty sure I had also gotten some mold somewhere along the cleaning lines. Sore swollen throat no voice and so much post nasal drip, so so so much. I have had that allergy stuffy head congested brain all week long. Apparently its not even gone because this morning I went to link up and couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t find my post. It helps to write it first.

First thing of thankful is the farmers market for fresh foods. Mainly, fresh basil this week. Basil when juiced or eaten is a great antibacterial,antiinflamatory, and antioxidant properties. I juiced it with Ginger and Turmeric and a bit of cucumber. Not the best tasting stuff but the swollen throat was gone in four hours. SO thankful I have spent so much time researching holistic means of healing AND that I had the things I needed available to me.

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Next up was an early birthday/Christmas present from a good close friend. A counter top dishwasher. We don’t need a full one and we don’t really have the space for it. If we run this one every night I should be able to keep up on dishes FINALLY! It’s a convenience we have done without for two years and there have just been too many days lately where I can walk but standing still in front of the sink is too much on my hips and knees.So very thankful for this.

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Third on the list is 1000 voices of compassion. This has been such food for thought for my brain. I am still working my way through the posts but so many of them have just blown my mind and really made me think.

I am thankful for friends who invite me out for lunch. It is a much needed just adult girl time. Also to friends who invite me over for coffee. Especially fresh hand ground slow drip coffee!! That is almost as much of a treat as bouncing ideas off each other!

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I had gotten into the practice of carving out fifteen to thirty minutes a day to read prior to picking up the kid. Since starting nannying Squish I have not been as faithful to that. I have dived back into a book about mindfulness and taking some time to meditate and it is so very helpful. I didn’t realize how much I had missed it until about two weeks ago.

I can’t say it enough, every time I scroll through my Facebook feed , I am reminded how thankful I am for my husband and all he does for us.There is so much frustration about husbands and Dads not being responsible between Facebook and the news. I am thankful I have one of the good ones.

Thursday was a really rough morning for parenting. I tried not to let it ruin my whole day but it really was a grey cloud over it all. I am thankful for friends who let me vent and support me. I felt better about my parenting choices by the end of the day. Even enough to look through baby pictures of the kid. To think how much easier sleepless nights, boobie feedings, diaper changes were compared to this pre-preteen stuff we are dealing with. Hormones really are assholes.

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I am really thankful that I take so many pictures. Not only does it make looking back so much nicer but its a great distraction as well. I got some really good shots this week.

As annoying as they can be I am thankful for the cats. They provide so much comic relief and seem to know just when I need it. Even though they like to dart out the door and leave my stomach in knots because they were out of the house all day. They seem to balance the helpfulness and being an asshole pretty well.

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I am thankful that I have friends that even though I was up and functioning, I had no brain. I am thankful I have friends who help me laugh at myself instead of focusing on the fact that I was having serious cognitive issues yesterday. I tried to shake out a pill out of an empty pill bottle. Well it had the right name, it was just empty. A gentleman said excuse me to walk between us and I responded Thank You. I just could not brain at all yesterday.

And a bonus

The gold and white/blue and black dress…. I heard that groan. But seriously these kinds of optical illusions with science backing it up, always capture the true joy and wonder of learning in my brain. I don’t think it needed to go viral or be the only thing that anyone was talking about however, I choose to see the good in the situation. It gave me intellectual joy to think about who the brain/eye works and how individual everyone is.

Ten things of everyday thankful things


Ten things of thankful. Ten things I am thankful for this week. How in the world will I choose? It has been a spectacular week. How about some of the more everyday things that I am thankful for.Reading all these posts on #1000speak I just keep coming back to how blessed I am.

Thankful for: a bit of free time which I was able to get some guilt free cleaning done while the kid was entertained.

I got off work Monday earlier than expected. While I still had some energy I went home to restore some order to my house. It felt really good to see my floors again.

Thankful for:  A husband that works so hard for us and still manages to surprise me with flowers and chocolate!

I mean really does that need any explanation.

Thankful for : Booking and paying for our vacation.

This year we were able to get even more of a package that means even less planning and worrying for us.We are, of course, going to Disney World. We will be camping as we have the past two years. The thing is, this year I think I can make it on just Ultracur and over the counter tylenol. No scripts at all. No Lortab. No Soma.

Thankful for : 1000 voices of compassion

There have been so many wonderful post.Ones that have really made me think. I am determined to get through all of them.

Thankful for : Reuniting with a friend I had lost touch with.

Well we are facebook friends but it was nice to get a nice in person visit. We worked together way back before I got diagnosed with anything. It was so good to see her and catch up.

Thankful for : the trust some friends have in me.

This week I have just really been humbled with what my friends trust me with.  Probably all that reading of 1000 speak.

Thankful for: a hammock and knowing when I need to go out to it.

I can’t even tell you how much enjoyment I get out of it. I am still able to rest. I am still able to read. I am still able to immerse myself in nature. All these combined equals near bliss.

Thankful for: being able to appreciate the small things.

Catching up with that friend and reading the 1000 voices of compassion posts, I realize how much of a talent that is. To be able to enjoy the sunsets, the way the light plays with the trees, seeing the beauty even in a storm. I just never thought of it as a talent until this week.

Thankful for: my bed.

Let’s state the obvious first, some people don’t have beds. Some people have a love affair with their couch. Me-when I need to rest, its only my bed. It is my sanctuary. I am comfortable just long enough to get the rest I need and then I need to get up.I am pretty sure if it was more comfortable I would never leave it so this is  a good thing that its not quite perfect.

Thankful for: food.

Yeah that whole appreciate the small things….some of that this week has been food. Emotional eating whatever, I craved cheeseburgers this week I gave in twice and man that first bite……stress gone…poof.

And That is that.

Now tell me what you are thankful for……

or go stalk some other blogs who are participating in this blog hop.

Growing a compassionate village


You are in line at the grocery store, the person in front of you is a mother with two children. In a blink of an eye one of the kids is now prostrate on the ground crying. The Mother reaches down to comfort the child and the child promptly hits Mom. We think, “I would never let my kid get away with that.” It’s pretty to think we only thought that when we were childless.The truth is we do it all the time. We think, oh that was not a battle worth fighting she should have given in. We sure are quick to judge other’s actions and compare them to ourselves. While we don’t know this particular Mother, we do it to our other Mother friends as well. She asked, she complained, she vented, we gave our two cents. When our two cents wasn’t followed we can be pretty harsh. We can get to the point where we are tired of giving advice. We become bitter and angry. I have even felt the need to vent to other Mother’s about how this one mother didn’t follow my advice. I told myself I needed to relieve the tension,it would make me feel better. I needed to relieve the frustration that she didn’t do what I said. Of course, I am right. Then the even more frustrating part when they do end up using your advice and it works. It is so easy to know what is right for someone else’s kid.We forget that we struggle with knowing what to do for our kids sometimes too. A lot of times, this venting is while the kids are playing at the playground. We can tell ourselves they are not listening, but we know they do hear some of it.There is the fifty million interruptions over “look at this!” “she pushed me” “I need to go potty”. They hear so much more than we think they do.


There is also that day that we are that Mother in the grocery store. It is us being judged. They didn’t see all the snuggling that happened that morning. They didn’t see the one on one interactions we had.They didn’t see the gummy smiles over baby food and cereal. They didn’t know we had run out of coffee that morning. They didn’t  know that the line to Starbucks ran ten cars long and with two kids , not happening. When you happened to catch the look in their eye, it crushed you. Normally something you would roll your eyes at but, the combination of multiple  night wakings and lack of caffeine are wreaking havoc. You find yourself re-evaluating the situation over and over. Maybe you should have given in. No, it was the right decision. Maybe I was overreacting to her requests. No she really was being ridiculous. What if instead of  judging that Mother, they provided a distraction. If that was you how much relief would that give you. See that one act of compassion would make such a difference in the day;Which ever side you were on. In that moment there was no approval or disapproval, there was only compassion. All people involved,including the children, walk away better. Chances are,happier too. When we are shown compassion it is easier for us to spread it to others.

With Credit to The Master Shift for the image.

With Credit to The Master Shift for the image.

When we let compassion lead our actions, we are not approving or disapproving,we are helping, supporting, sympathizing. Compassion makes us relate to others, if we just take the time to let it lead. If our first thought is how can I help? Instead of making a snap judgement.  At first, I thought but I am the one who needs healing. I am the one hurting. How is showing compassion to them going to help me.I need someone to show me compassion. That is the very subtle and tricky thing about compassion. The more we give it, the more we get it. The more I practiced compassion first, the more I realized I was healing.The more I showed compassion in my every day interactions the better I felt. There have been times that depression was beating down and it was hard to show compassion. I found myself just doing it, not really feeling it. That is how the double edge of compassion works sometimes though. While I didn’t think I was feeling it,somewhere deep down I was. The other persons smile made me feel even just a tiny bit better.

I don’t know about you but I know I have found myself reading posts like Lizzi’s about being the village and thinking YES! Then we somehow get caught up in the hum drum of the everyday. We forget that being the village is a two way thing.  We have to give to receive. WE have to be someone else’s village in order to have our village. It is not a fast process. Not by far. Little by little we realize the more we help others the more we receive help. There is the other part of this that is so hard, we have to receive. We have to be open to receiving. We have to accept the help however it comes, not just the way we expected it. Accepting the help, receiving the help can be so hard. We actually have to lower our barriers to let it in. We get frustrated when that help doesn’t come exactly how we thought it would. What we have to see is, maybe the help we did get, was exactly what we needed. When we take the time to help others , we are helping ourselves as well. The more I have put myself out there to help my Mother friends with their kids, the more help I have found for my child. Yet again compassion has shown me ways to improve myself, that also improves my child as well. It really is a trickle down effect.

While it may seem like compassion is too complex of a subject to teach a child, If we practice it;we teach it. By showing compasssion to other Mother’s we are teaching our children compassion. We are showing them that no one is perfect and that is okay. No one has to be perfect when we let compassion lead. That illusion of perfection fades away into acceptance. The more we are compassionate to other Mother’s , the more we are able to be compassionate to ourselves. The more we are able to see our faults, but also to know that it’s okay.If we have let compassion lead we have the balance of the village to help even things out.

This post has been part of a group effort of over 1000 other writers, bloggers and people. The other hosts are:

The inspirational two women who started it:

Lizzi at    and                  Yvonne at                                                 Jen At

Roshni at                        Michelle at

Kristi at                                       Lisa at

Crystal at                                                  Pooja at

Gene at                                      Katie at

T.A. Woods at                                        Leah at

The most compassionate thing you can do is hit the share button, You never know who may need this. The next compassionate thing is to leave a comment. Tell me your thoughts! Then Go to the link up below and read more about compassion and share more!

We are building a new way every single day.


People say music is essential.I agree.  There is not much in the music realm I don’t appreciate or can’t enjoy. However, it is words that speak the most to me. I often forget to sing at church because the words have drawn me in and I am lost in thought. They wrap me up and I find myself thinking how to apply these words to my life personally. This is often when I feel the most spiritually fulfilled by going to church.

We are building a new way.
We are building a new way.
We are building a new way,
feeling stronger every day,
We are building a new way.

We are working to be free.
We are working to be free.
We are working to be free
hate and greed and jealousy.
We are working to be free.

We can feed our every need.
We can feed our every need.
We can feed our every need.
Start with love, that is the seed.
We can feed our every need.

Peace and freedom is our cry.
Peace and freedom is our cry.
Peace and freedom is our cry,
Without these this world will die.
Peace and freedom is our cry.

Words & Music: Martha Sandefer
© 1986 Martha Sandefer
arr. Jim Scott

Isn’t that what we all need? It all starts with love and it just grows from there. The more we love ourselves the more we are able to let go of hate, greed and jealousy. I am not unaware how hard this actually is. It is a daily task, sometimes hourly,down to minutes and seconds. It is something we have to commit to everyday when we get out of bed to start the day.

There was one Sunday that this song and another just spoke to me and I thought, “Wow, what if we combined these two and put them into practice daily?”

From the light of days remembered burns a beacon bright and clear.
Guiding hands and hearts and spirits into faith set free from fear.
When the fire of commitment sets our mind and soul ablaze.
When our hunger and our passion meet to call us on our way.
When we live with deep assurance of the flame that burns within.
Then our promise finds fulfillment and our future can begin.
From the stories of our living rings a song both brave and free.
Calling pilgrims still to witness to the life of liberty.
When the fire of commitment sets our mind and soul ablaze.
When our hunger and our passion meet to call us on our way.
When we live with deep assurance of the flame that burns within.
Then our promise finds fulfillment and our future can begin.
From the dreams of youthful vision comes a new, prophetic voice.
Which demands a deeper justice built by our courageous choice.
When the fire of commitment sets our mind and soul ablaze.
When our hunger and our passion meet to call us on our way.
When we live with deep assurance of the flame that burns within.
Then our promise finds fulfillment and our future can begin.

Music of Jason Shelton (2004)

What if we took time every morning before we even got up for the day and thought about this? How powerful would that be? Sometimes we forget how powerful words can be. How much they can shape and change our lives. While they change and shape our lives, we are changing other lives with our words.  If we start with ourselves it trickles out from there.

And one last quote that I think sums this all up completely.

With Credit to The Master Shift for the image.

With Credit to The Master Shift for the image.



I am only one


I often like to scroll through quotes.Anytime someone says “I have a quote,” I am instantly interested. Recently I heard two that have really stuck with me. Some people have been asking me why participate in #1000speak. The world is millions. So here is my response to that.

I am only one but still I am one.

I can not do everything but still I can do something

and  because I can not do everything I will not refuse to do the some thing I can do

Edward Everette Hale

Often we get overwhelmed by wanting to do everything. We get discouraged that we are not making a big a difference. We stop doing anything because what is the point. We forget the ripple effect.  So how do we keep going?


Each morning we must hold out the chalice of our  being to receive , to carry and to give back

Dag Hammarskjold

We have to keep putting ourselves out there, this is true. We also have to remember to receive. I really like how that is the first part in this quote. When I combined these two quotes I find I can keep doing. I can give back because I was first able to receive.  Whatever energy I received and held on to ,  I am able to give back. Of course, that also means we have to pay attention to what kind of energy we are receiving.  Some things we receive and hold on to for years before giving back. Sometimes it is not always a good thing we hold on to. Sometimes we forgot we even received it to begin with.

Stay tuned for February 20th when 1000 voices speak for compassion.

Friday Brain Drain Ten Things of Thankful #87


What a huge busy week.

I didn’t even realized I had not even thought of writing things down for ten things of thankful until after three pm today(friday).

I can use pictures to look back but my brain is just not interested in engaging.

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Major Thankfuls:

1. Tax filed and waiting on Tax return now.

Thankful subcategory 1.a

We have enough to pay back loans AND schedule our yearly family vacation.

Thankful subcategory 1.b

We can also stock up on supplies including uniform shirts/dresses for the kid.

Thankful subcategory 1.c

That we have friends who can math because math eludes us and the government tends to frown on messing up their math things.

So Off of the taxes thing….

2. Farmers market makes the list again.

I could not contain my glee when I saw they had fresh Turmeric Root and for such a great price!


3. Even though she was not feeling great in the morning, I got to spend time with  my snickerdoodle.


She really is hilarious. Of course, I can laugh at most of it because well, at the end of the day- I get to leave.

4. Thankful for friends who take such great care of my kid while I work.

5.  Seventeen years ago on Valentine’s Day I met my husband. Three weeks later he was in a serious car accident and on life support. There was no one else for me from that day on.

Thankful subcategory 5.a  Thankful for such a loving supportive husband and such a fantastic father for our daughter.

6. Sunsets and beautiful days. I know your thinking this woman lives in Florida come on…..but seriously its been perfection temp wise. I love it when it is in the fifties and sixties. The breeze has been perfect amount. During the day there has been few clouds but they seem to come out at sunset and set the sky on fire.  (Except Monday.Monday was crappy grey almost constant drizzle or out right down pour.)

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7. Squish! I mean he is just too darn cute!

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Even his witching hours are tolerable because ….see above pictures.

I am stopping here because well if you count it all, I am pretty sure I have gone past ten things; plus I need to go get more chai.

Resuming motherhood……….


This really amazing thing happened. I got a night off from everything. It was just me and the house. I realized it around two or three pm, so decided dinner would include wine.  I could put being a wife and a mother on a shelf for the night and just focus on me. That totally happened. 

First I had to drop off her overnight bag and when I went to leave, she didn’t want a hug and a kiss. Her friend gave me a hug. Hey sometimes beggars can’t be choosers, I will take it.

I knew my Driver licenses was in the trunk. I was hoping it was still tucked into the book like I had left it. It wasn’t. It was down in the spare tire wheel well covered in grease and spilt laundry soap. It was readable, good enough for me.

I got to stroll through the grocery store. I wavered between white or red wine. I really prefer my red wine chilled and they didn’t have any chilled. I went with the white because I didn’t want to wait for the red to chill. Greek Tzatziki pizza and white whine. Get to the check out line and am telling the cashier how I dug out my ID.She says she appreciates it, says sometimes it is a compliment to be asked for your ID

.. Looks at my ID…

Well I wouldn’t have guessed that…


I get home and go through her Friday folder of all her work she completed the last week. Where I discovered all the blood sweat and tears I put into her science project with her paid off. We got straight A’s! Everything was graded as above average. Well that deserves another glass of wine right there. I was totally only crying because I was overtired. Not that the work for my project my daughters project paid off.

I caught up on some blogs I read. Realized it was now eight pm and no one had bothered me at all. No interruptions. This required more celebration. I will take a bath and read;with another glass of wine of course.

I get ready for bed. Lock all the doors turn everything off and lay down.

It’s too quiet.

Which strikes me as funny because I like it quiet to fall asleep. So I turn on some meditation music. I am sure I will fall asleep to that.

An hour later, I get up and make sure everything is locked again and kind of walk through the house longing for the normal sounds of my family. Even when they are quiet or asleep there are little noises.  Wondering what my husband is doing, at least I know he got to his game safe.

More meditation music and I finally fall asleep.

I get up, of course, three hours later and go to check on the kid. I get halfway to her bedroom before I remember, she is not there. So then I find myself wondering if she remembered to wake up and go to the bathroom and how was she sleeping and a million other little things.

Finally fall back to sleep. It did not escape my notice that several times when I woke up I reached out to the other side of the bed and it took me a moment to realize why it was empty.

I slept until eight am. GLORIOUS! Wait. When did eight am become sleeping in. So I think, “I will just stay in bed til ten or maybe eleven. “

Guess who was not okay with that? The dog. The cats. They were ready to go potty and to be fed. This is something my daughter does. Well forget staying in bed.If I have to take the dog out, I am up.

In my normal routine of medicating and getting my chai and getting dressed , I find myself wondering how my daughter is.Did she take her supplements? What did she eat for breakfast? Did she sleep well?

So much for putting motherhood and being a wife on a shelf for the night.


The next night I let my daughter fall asleep in our bed. How comforting just laying in bed watching her sleep. My  hand resting on her back feeling the steady rhythmic breathing, thinking funny this is just as comforting  now as it was when she was a baby. It is just as much a relief to that constant angst that she is in fact okay.

A compassionate Ten Things Of Thankful #86


Sitting at Starbucks pecking at my 1000speak post.

People watching.

Changing seats to get a table,then a table with a plug.

My post for February 20th will be about compassion for other Mothers, So I thought I would make my ten things about motherhood. Maybe, pretty sure I can do it.

Thankful number one

I am thankful that after years trying and losses that we got a keeper. She was worth every bit of the struggle to have her.

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Thankful number two

I am thankful that we survived the first year. We had a huge birthday party and I wont’ even delude myself into saying it was for her. It was for us surviving!.All three of us.


Thankful number three

I am thankful Mothehood has changed me. Changed me in ways I never even knew I needed to be changed.

Thankful number four

Thankful that no matter what has happened that day, no matter how horrible she has been or my day has been or the world has been.Watching her sleep makes it all okay.

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Thankful number five

I am thankful that I went with my gut. I parent the way it works for us- co-sleeping included.

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It is by far my favorite part of the day and gives both of us so much comfort.

Thankful number six

I am thankful for the days that her going to school saved us both!

It is not always sunshine and roses. Mornings are rough to say the least. Sometimes they are outright hellish.

I am thankful we live in an area where she has the opportunity to go to school.

I am thankful we have the ability to choose what school she goes to.

I am thankful that she knows that I am mostly kidding when I tell her tuck and roll that I am not slowing down in carline.

Thankful number seven

I am thankful for friends I know I probably would have never met had I not had a kid.

A kid who attached to another kid and they were friends.

Thankful number eight

I am thankful that even though I am done having kids, I have friends who let me live vicariously through their new babies.

I still get my baby fixes!

Even if sometimes I have to stab my ovaries extra hard to make them stop crying for another one.

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Thankful number nine

That I get to be part of molding this human being into a wonderful adult. I get to watch the mix of my DNA and her Father’s DNA make her into her own little person. With her own likes and dislikes. It is true sometimes I don’t like what I see. Some of my bad habits or my husbands bad habits in her. Instead of not liking it I can see it as a chance to change myself. Thankful she gives me the motivation to make those changes.

Thankful number ten.

I am thankful I get a fresh look at life daily through her eyes. Things that I forgot or that just fade into the everyday are made new and wondrous and exciting again. I couldn’t tell you how many times I went to Disney as a child.We went as our honeymoon when we were married. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything but the new ones, the ones where I get to experience it all over again through her eyes. Those ones really stand out. So many other places this happens as well. Even more mudane places like the grocery store are new and exciting. I forget that we can learn things no matter where we are but she is like a sponge. A curious one. She inspects the products at the grocery store with an unbiased curious anxious to learn way that is really refreshing.  The things she spots at parks when we are out hiking, I sometimes feel like I missed out on something when I hike without her.

So there it is Ten Things Of Thankful on motherhood. I am actually quite sure there is more than ten things. This turned into more like ten groups of things.