Sparkly happy on a cloudy day TTOT #83

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Ten Things of Thankful

Well it is Wednesday before I have even started this post.
In my defense I have been really busy. There was playing with baby goats, and working, and walking and more working. Some house cleaning, some waiting on repair man. Oh and a parent teacher conference and that was just Sunday to Wednesday.

Honestly Monday was a crap day. Outside it was grey and dreary and foggy. In my head it was black and thundering and foggy too.

It is however my first item on my list of thankful’s. Being that it is now Wednesday and I can look back. I am thankful for the bad days because I can see how far I have come. They are just days now. Not weeks. Not months. Days. Sometimes there is no plural to that word, as in day!

Let’s back track a bit though. Sunday the besties were coming over and the house was a mess. Fast thinking as I am. Lets take some carrots and whatnot down and feed the goats. Easily we can spend enough time there and then walk to church. Oh had I only known how fantastic this would be. I would have brought instant hand sanitizer. We got to the goat pasture and they were penned up inside the pasture. However when we had walked by the barn we heard people talking. Let me just go and see if they will let the goats out. Farmer Brian did one better. He let the girls come back and go into the pen. He showed them how to pick them up after you pinned one down. Goat kids are pretty darn fast. The giggling, the petting, the naming of the babies. Oh so much fun was had. Farmer Brian even had a bit of an ulterior motive. He let the girls catch the ones he wanted to inspect. OOOOOOHHH the squeals! To be helpful and have fun. Well nothing beats that.  However it was a good ten minute walk and I felt like I must have said 100 times.Don’t touch your face. Keep your hands where I can see them. AS soon as we got to church they were marched into the bathroom for a good handwashing.  Despite our best efforts. We still brought goat poop to church on the bottom of our shoes.

Of course there are pictures. I will only share a collage instead of the 35 I took in twenty minutes! (thankful ten,I was still able to enjoy the girls joy and still feel I had adequately documented it for treasured memories later)

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Thankful two is this awesome project that has brought me so so so much happiness and mood boosts and joy already.

#1000speak

Compassion has been something that I have been dwelling on more and more. When Lizzi tagged me in this project. I just can’t even describe how fast my brain said. THIS! Compassion for others and what they are going through.Compassion for myself. Giving myself just as much compassion as I would another. Just stopping and instead of instantly judging and being sassy and sarcastic to look at (fill in blank) with love and kindness. (Thankful nine is for perfect timing, a lesson I am still learning)

Thankful Three is a fantastic Parent teacher conference. I didn’t feel pressured to get my daughters learning disabilities diagnosed or to have her medicated.(thankful eight)  There was a free flow of communication and I really felt empowered leaving that conference.

Thankful four is a working dryer. Oh my gosh how much this makes me happy is ridiculous.

 This brings us to Thursday.

Oh look I forgot to fill this in,  but am too lazy to go back through and change the post.  Thursday I got to see two hawks rather close. They are so regal and gorgeous. They have a quiet look of arrogance that only a bird-of-prey can have.

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(Thankful Seven)

Friday…

The day I decided not to function to loose myself in the vampire diaries and go to my reading spot extra early.

I had clawed my way out of the dark stormy turmoil of Mondays brain and the weather seemed to mock Me. Here I was happy and content. It was grey overcast and foggy. I could sit in my parking spot look at the three trees feel the cool breeze and the baking feeling of the sun. As I sit crossed legged in my car with the windows down because fuck you hips and knees and ankles. Until it brings tears to my eyes to do it -I will sit how ever I want not how arthritis tells me to sit, even if I have to hand maneuver my limbs into place. I could appreciate the beauty. I could say, yes I know I am teetering on that edge. Several years earlier I would not have even realized I had wandered off the path let alone was lost. (thankful six)It doesn’t make the depression feel any less imposing. The problem with depression is it always wears you down…I know I will always have a day where I just can’t function. I don’t want to function so I have nothing to fight it with. I often know it is coming and fight to get it to a day where just maybe my world won’t fall apart if I don’t participate for a day. I can do all the deep breathing and meditation I want it just makes me sleepy but yet I won’t sleep. In the days before that no functioning day I feel myself grasping desperately at my self help tools. Sometimes I even feel them slip between my fingers despite my tight grip.they ooze through my fingers incredibly slick and slimey and smooth all at the same time.  That day of not functioning I read a lot of blogs. I read books I watch mindless TV. My thoughts don’t often bring me to tears. I have found I have to watch super sappy TV shows to cry to.There fore I am not crying for myself but for the TV show. Yes I am crying for those TV characters not myself. Perhaps if I could here and there cry I could avoid a no function day. That however did not happen so as odd as it may sound. I am thankful my nonfuctioning day came on a day I was able to be nonfunctioning. That is thankful five.

So now that I am only at five. Time to go through my week again,thus numbers that seem out of order-but are not.

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24 responses »

  1. We have a lot of hawks around here, and I still get a little thrill every time I see one. They are mesmerizing.
    What fun those goats had to have been! The joy in the girls’ faces says it all.

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  2. Wait a minute – you start your TToT before Wed? I sometimes write it on Saturday morning, but usually Friday night before bed! I really enjoyed seeing your hawk pictures on Facebook this week. They are such magnificent creatures yet so deadly. I have a friend who can’t let his Yorkie stay outside for long for fear that the hawks will swoop down and take her. I hope you have a good, shiny, happy week coming up.

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    • Jen, I normally start it sunday night and add to it every day. It is easier for me to get a truer sense of things that way.

      Is it a mini yorkie? otherwise the dog is probably fine. They might swoop at him but he would be a tad too big for a hawk to take off with. An eagle….most definetely could.The biggest thing I have seen a hawk get is a small bunny

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  3. Wow, Erin. Lot’s happening in your life and in your mind and emotions. The goat experience was a joy to read. We had an injured hawk in our back yard, unable to fly. The close up look was incredible. An animal control person took it to safety (I hope). Hope next week is sunny and happy.

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  4. glorious hawk photos! SO you really start your lest on mondays? I start mine about ten minutes before I push publish… maybe thats why they always seem so sparce? Something to consider I think… maybe I will try this method of yours!

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  5. A working dryer is awesome! When ours gave up, I did have a quick panic attack, wondering how to dry the clothes of 5 people in the winter without a dryer. Luckily, we got it to work under close supervision and only what we absolutely needed until our new dryer arrived. The 1000 Voices initiative is indeed wonderful. I’m looking forward to participate and reading others contributions! The pictures of the girls with the goats are great. Reminds me to take the kids to the local animal park soon 🙂

    Have a wonderful new week!

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  6. Those baby goats are giving you guys such FUN! Even though you walked poop into church – yaknow what, I don’t reckon God would mind too much. Not the end of the world, yaknow? You still showed up.

    I’m really glad you had the opportunity to have a non-function day in a way which was low-impact on the rest of life. When you stop functioning and it detracts majorly from everything else, the associated anxiety and sense of failure (in my experience) just makes it all ten times worse. And if you need to cry, do it how ya gotta do it 🙂

    I loved your jumbled-but-not-listing 🙂

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  7. Jumble your number any way you like – you got your thankfuls in and that is what counts.
    The goats must be such fun and the hawks are awesome. We love hawks – there is a hawk sanctuary near us and we just love going there. Still so exciting when we see them right near home, too.
    Looking at the bad days as a way to measure how far you’ve come – very true.
    Hang in there!

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  8. Pingback: Sparkly happy on a cloudy day TTOT #83 | The Te...

  9. Little kids and…little kids LOL Sorry Erin! Had to say it. It’s a beautiful collage. Happiness framed:)
    #1000speak is going to be awesome! You make a good point. We should have compassion not only for others but for our own selves.
    So glad the parent teacher’s conference went well. Good for you not succombing to pressure and walking away feeling empowered. Seems like there’s always pressure to “medicate” kids.
    Thank you Erin, for putting me on your blog roll. That really encourages me to stick with the writing thing:)

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  10. Love the out of order counting. It looks the same way my brain works. Glad you made it through the fog and icky days. Baby goats are so fun. Compassion…we all need more.

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  11. Only on my super-organized weeks do I even start writing TToT posts before Friday–good for you for writing daily!

    Goat kids are so cute! (Human kids are, too, of course!)

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