After the first week back to work, I fully expected a flare. I had hoped I had made enough progress I would not feel guilty about it. Well, I am not quite there yet. I was however able to turn my thoughts around a bit.
So here is my view of the day:
The alarm went off way too early. It figures it would be the one Saturday I actually could have gone back to sleep. My body was telling me that is what I should do. I push myself to get the kid to breakfast with Santa. Seriously the promise of fresh coffee and powdered sugar donuts was really what propelled me. On the way there she sang Christmas Carols. She skipped her way into the place where breakfast with santa was. Seriously it just made me hurt more to watch her bounding around like that! Donuts oh sweet sweet donuts. Even though we got there early there was a line. My hips and knees protested at the thought of standing in line. Stand in line we did. As we got done with Santa I saw the line was at least forty people deep. Glad we got there early. Exhausted I grabbed more coffee and donuts on the way out. Oh the kid had chocolate chip pancakes drowned in syrup. Mainly because I was not interested in supervising her. I just wanted to sit and eat something. Off we went to the care and share give away our church does for the community. I was actually kind of glad I didn’t volunteer. I had planned on it. We got the things we needed and some extra nice to haves. Bowls and plates and cups and a vaccuum. The kid was actually really helpful. Getting it all back to the car was a workout and when we got home I had nothing left to unload. I laid down and told her she could watch christmas movies. She had lunch meat and cheese rollups for lunch. I did not eat. I had ginger lemon cucumber juice slightly diluted.I tried to stay hydrated and medicate. I thought maybe I would get some sleep. NOPE! Almost made it before she burst in to tell me about something that happened in the movie. Hubby was going to make dinner so I decided I would take the kid to the goats down the street to feed them the last of the carrots before they went bad. OF Course the goats were not in the closest pasture. OF COURSE THEY WEREN’T. We got back home, she ran ahead of me, and I was back in bed. That short little walk was too much. It was pure guilt that had me taking her to the goats. Thankful that husband was home and got her in bed. I have no idea what time I fell asleep. I took meds an hour and a half early.
So thinking about the day and thinking I did not do enough with her. I started thinking about the day through her eyes. Did it really suck as much as I thought it did.
She got to get up early with Daddy before he left for work. She got to pick out her clothes and get her hair done the way she wanted. She still got to watch movies before we went. She got donuts. I mean really, donuts! THEN she got chocolate chip pancakes! She got to see Santa. Even if it was a helper who takes messages to the real santa.(her decision) She got a new teddy bear.She got to see ms. claus and have a candy cane! She even got to keep the picture of her with santa! She got to hang out with her friends at church for a bit. She got to pick out a few things to give as presents at Christmas. She got to make her own lunch AND watch more movies!She got to take the dog outside by herself and play! She got to feed the goats!
In the long run, no I don’t think she felt as abandoned as I was thinking she must. I didn’t force homework. I didn’t really limit tv time. These are big things for her. She was able to set the pace of most of the day herself. Seriously, she really needs the down time just as much as I did. I need to practice this kind of perspective a bit more often. How about you?