Since we got back from vacation, I have been struggling. I don’t want to get up in the morning. I have let myself fall out of my medication routine. Basically I have been doing the bare minimum. It has been driving me nuts. I did get my cleaning job done on Monday but unlike normal, It completely tapped all my energy. It’s been a week since we got back. I feel like I should be back with the program. I don’t have much time to get back in gear as school starts Monday.
It’s just a reminder that Fibromyalgia and Arthritis are willing to be appeased for only so long. Even with all the planning I did, I should have still expected a flare this bad. One that would last as long as this one has been lasting. It did not help matters that I ran out of my heart medications and missed a dose. While my humor was still there, yup I still have SVT!. It was exhausting and so soon after the extra exertion during vacation.
Even knowing all this, It doesn’t take away the guilt. I feel I should still be doing so much more with my daughter. Savoring these last few days. Truth is, when I really think about it. She needs rest too. My guilt is not well founded so I need to let it go.
So I am taking the time to remind myself that I need to rest. That if I really wrote out a list of everything I have done each day since we got back, it would astound me. It is not just the physical things I have done either. There is also social and emotional accomplishments being achieved daily. I have realized this to an extent. I haven’t spent all day doing absolutely nothing. Being a mother is hard work too. I think sometimes we forget just how hard it is. It is rewarding, but it is hard too. It comes with physical , social and emotional demands.
It all really hit me when I realized tonight is Open house at school and its at six pm. Anything after five pm is normally a big no. I know my limits have been reached by then. Its one of my worst time frames, five pm to bedtime. I realized If I had not stopped cleaning to check my email. I would have worked myself to my limit and would not have been able to go to Open House. I had thought it was tomorrow.
Pacing and hydrating and being gentle with myself is the list for the rest of the day.