Since we got back from vacation, I have been struggling. I don’t want to get up in the morning. I have let myself fall out of my medication routine. Basically I have been doing the bare minimum. It has been driving me nuts. I did get my cleaning job done on Monday but unlike normal, It completely tapped all my energy. It’s been a week since we got back. I feel like I should be back with the program. I don’t have much time to get back in gear as school starts Monday. 

It’s just a reminder that Fibromyalgia and Arthritis are willing to be appeased for only so long. Even with all the planning I did, I should have still expected a flare this bad. One that would last as long as this one has been lasting. It did not help matters that I ran out of my heart medications and missed a dose. While my humor was still there, yup I still have SVT!. It was exhausting and so soon after the extra exertion during vacation.

Even knowing all this, It doesn’t take away the guilt. I feel I should still be doing so much more with my daughter. Savoring these last few days. Truth is, when I really think about it. She needs rest too. My guilt is not well founded so I need to let it go. 

So I am taking the time to remind myself that I need to rest. That if I really wrote out a list of everything I have done each day since we got back, it would astound me. It is not just the physical things I have done either. There is also social and emotional accomplishments being achieved daily.  I have realized this to an extent. I haven’t spent all day doing absolutely nothing. Being a mother is hard work too. I think sometimes we forget just how hard it is. It is rewarding, but it is hard too. It comes with physical , social and emotional demands. 

It all really hit me when I realized tonight is Open house at school and its at six pm. Anything after five pm is normally a big no. I know my limits have been reached by then. Its one of my worst time frames, five pm to bedtime. I realized If I had not stopped cleaning to check my email. I would have worked myself to my limit and would not have been able to go to Open House. I had thought it was tomorrow. 

Pacing and hydrating and being gentle with myself is the list for the rest of the day.



4 responses »

  1. Ugh, I’ve felt the same way this week. I’m just dragging from one task to the next, if I’m even off the couch. But, like you pointed out, I *am* still being a mom, and that IS hard work. Hang in there.


  2. We were dragging for a few days, too. It was hard to get motivated. But I can only imagine what it must’ve felt like for you. So sorry. Hope you’re feeling better soon.


  3. The length of recovery time needed after vacations and events like that always catches me by surprise, no matter how many times I go through it. You’re doing great though to remind yourself how hard the work of being a parent really is. It’s something I frequently discount when reflecting on what I have (and mostly haven’t) done but I’m trying to be better about it and this post is a great reminder. I hope the open house went well. Visits to the school always wipe me out.


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