When Judgement invades



Just stop.

Stop assuming you know what my life is like. Stop assuming because I don’t work that I have time for everything to get done.

It came in a seemingly innocent conversation with my daughter. Something a teacher had said to her. A teacher I have had issues with her making assumptions about me before. She said I should be matching her socks and she was tired of seeing my daughter wear mix matched socks. First of all ,  that is not how I raise my child. She is free to express her fashion sense in anyway she choose. Kids have so few truly independent choices, I choose to let her wear what she wishes. Second of all, how dare you try to to push my daughters creativity and her general self confidence down. Because whether that was the intent or not, it is exactly what happened.

I responded to my daughter and said, I don’t match your socks because I love your sense of fashion and you can wear your clothes how ever you choose. Her face broke out in a big smile and she threw her arms around me and kissed me.  How dare that teacher crush my daughter in even a seemingly insignificant way.

I am tired of people assuming what I should and shouldn’t be doing, how I should or shouldn’t be raising my child. It should not bother me but it does.

I walked off my frustration and cleared my head of this to a certain extent.

Why can’t people just love? Why?

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.

If only that was true.

I look like a healthy thirty something mother who is choosing to stay at home, but I am not.  Its always hard to see the judgement in others eyes when you tell them you have multiple chronic illnesses.  If only degenerative disc disease had some outer detail. You can’t see it, but I can feel it. I wish I couldn’t. If only all the aspects of Fibromyalgia were visible to the naked eye.

The world screams to conform to what is socially acceptable. Chronic illness is not socially acceptable. That is the cold hard truth and until it is accepted, judgement is a fact of life for us. Something that is often dealt with on a daily basis.




4 responses »

  1. Like me trying to find a freakin’ personal trainer. I can’t do an hour…okay not entirely true because on a good day I probably could do a gentle hour but that would be the extent of my day, at least at this point. Right now I’m at about a 3:1 recovery to workout time and considering I do not get a full day’s worth of energy to start with four hours is my whole day most of the time. ARGH!!!! I need a few minutes of someone’s time a couple of times a month at the most. Can I hire anyone to give me that? No. Why? It’s not worth their time. I get it. But, at the same time it’s A. madness and B. so stupid on their part because I would be a long-term, loyal client and I would eventually reach the point where I could spend that hour with them without dying for the rest of the day. It’s like a stylist saying they don’t have time for a fringe trim. It’s money in the door. They charge a little less because it takes minutes and if they’re great the client comes back on a regular basis to keep her fringe at the right length. ARGH!!!!


  2. I am a 52 year old woman who has several chronic diseases of my own and I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I dealt with that kind of stuff when my kids were young,try not to let it get to you but if it continues…it may be time for a face to face meeting with the teacher. Good luck and remember that as long as you daughter knows that you love her she will be okay.


  3. You are definitely not alone. I’m only 25 with fibro, trigeminal neuralgia, crohn’s, and the list goes on. I have lost entire semesters of school and had to pay back financial aid because I have become too sick or missed too much class or had to have emergency bowel surgery. I am down to basically zero friends because of having to say no too often or cancelling plans at the last minute. I feel terrible when the dishes pile up or I have to sleep through my boyfriend’s one day off of the week. Sometimes I just want to scream at people that I don’t need their opinions, I’m hard enough on myself and some days moving from the bed to the couch is a big effing accomplishment. I get people telling me all the time how lucky I am to be young, that it can’t be that bad. Doctors tell me that maybe if I get some mental help, my tummy would stop hurting. It is so miserable hurting in ways that no one can see. You are so right about chronic illness and social acceptance. Let’s hope that changes, but in the meantime, we have each other. You are amazing… keep on keeping on!


  4. Sometimes, we just have to accept the ignorance of others and move on.
    Many a time, when someone says, “It can’t be that bad, you look fine.” I reply with, “Yes, because you live inside my body every single moment of every single day, don’t you? So surely, you’re the expert? Please, tell me what’s wrong. I’ll tell you what, I’ll give a list of all my issues, and maybe you can magically diagnose what my doctor has not.” Cue dead pan, stunned fish face from person receiving said rant delivered in all seriousness. When I get no reply, I apologize. “I’m sorry I don’t -look- sick enough to appease your prejudice, but until you LIVE like I do, keep your opinion to yourself, thank you.”

    I’ve lost one or two friends, but luckily, I chose friends that avoid the fair weather kind themselves; and I am SO thankful for them.
    Just remember: You’re not the Jackass Whisperer, you can’t fix Stupid. If you need a meeting with the teacher, do so. Maybe speak with the principal about her destructive criticisms, because that’s not what teacher is there to do. They are there to uplift and encourage; maybe this particular teacher needs that reminder.
    All you can do is move forward from here.


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