Why cats are assholes

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I mean really they are.. Even when they are cute.

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They sneak into our hearts and before we know it, we are exasperated with them but so in love.

I am completely and totally a cat person so don’t let this post fool you.

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Now…let me count the ways:

1. The jump from the headboard to your stomach at two am.

I really don’t think that needs any further explanation.

2. Leaving ten pieces of food in the food bowl, but yowl in your face that they are hungry. Sometimes this is followed up with head butts, pawing your arms…or when its is really extreme and they have gotten down to NINE pieces of food they will often resort to tripping you everywhere you try to go until fed. Try to wait them out and not give them food. Better hope that cat food bag is ….well no place is really safe. They will break into it even with food in the bowl.

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3. Indoor cats have to use a litter box. We understand that. I get it. It is their toilet. Keep it clean. But for the love of all things holy, why must they use the litter box exactly ten nanoseconds after you clean it? I mean really? Was that seriously necessary? Can the house just smell of clean cat litter for even fifteen minutes?

4. Dirty looks? Cats invented the dirty look. Along with if looks could kill. Think I am wrong. Leave your spot on the couch and come back, the cat is in your spot. Go ahead try to move them without a dirty look.

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5. If you have more than one cat, you know sibling rivalry goes to a whole nother level with cats. Cat on either side of me in the bed, it will last five minutes. Then its an all out swat fest and you are stuck in the middle. Claws are not held back.

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6.I can also guarantee that unless you are in extreme emotional distress, they will not want to cuddle with you when you want to cuddle. In fact if you want cuddles, they want absolutely nothing to do with you. Don’t pet them. Don’t look at them like you want to pet them. They WILL look at you like you are the devil.

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7. Back to food. Even people food is not off limits for begging. We have one cat that you absolutely can not crack an egg around because she will be in your face until you put a cracked egg on a plate for her. Which she will then take a few little licks from and walk away content. Congratulations you have just wasted a perfectly good egg. Think you can deny her that egg? Watch her jump on the counter. She is barely out of your hands as you try to remove her from the counter before she is back. Leave her on the counter and she will try swatting the eggs out of your hands, or worse just eat the egg from the bowl. There goes your recipe.

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8, So we already know they won’t want to cuddle when you do, they also only want to cuddle when it is most inconvenient for you. Sleeping? Not anymore! Pet me. NOW. Need to pee? That is the perfect time for them to jump on your lap, feet in your bladder of course, and curl up on your lap. Wearing black? White cat hairs should be on all black clothes.

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9. Cats are these strange animals that don’t need coffee to fully wake up. Once you stumble out of bed. All bets are lost. Every morning for weeks on end we will have the cat five hundred through the house. You think the way is clear and you can get lunch ready? Nope here they come for lap fifteen.  This fun race seems to have its own ebb and flow.

10. Cats also get into everything. Our catnip is currently kept in the freezer. It is the only place I can think of to put it that they can’t get into……..yet. This goes for treats and even the cat food bag is not safe from their destruction.

All that being said……I wouldn’t trade my three hellions for anything in the world. When I am an emotional wreck, they are there for me.  All these pictures of cats are my cats, so obviously they walk all over me.  I don’t ever see myself not having a cat, even if they are assholes.

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5 responses »

  1. Pingback: We Both Have Insomnia…And His Name is Boomer | In Da Campo

  2. Aw, this makes me miss my kitties so bad!!! Sadly, Captain is allergic, so I will never be able to have an indoor cat ever again. They do have a way of wiggling their way into our hearts, even when they’re total pains in the butt!

    Thanks for linking up with the Glitter Fart hop!

    Like

  3. OMG your post makes me miss my kitty! He was all of those things! We used to laugh at how he’d sit there and watch you clean his litter box, and then run into it and, well, litter in it two seconds later! And how he’d walk on shelves and purposely kick things off! When I first had him, I lived in a studio apartment with one of those fold-down sofa beds. When I was sleeping, Sammy would crawl under it, get into the crack between the wall and the bed, stick his paw up through the slot behind the mattress, and scratch my head and neck with his claws! Then he would laugh to himself.

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