Remembering that you just made a DNA contribution

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I scheduled a parent teacher conference. I found that it helps me stay on top of her school work if I am touching base every semester with her teachers. I am not good at consistency. I know that. I have found ways to compensate for this, scheduling frequent parent teacher conferences is one of them.

It is hard to remember that yes my daughter gets somethings from me, somethings from her father, and then there is a part that is just her. Its hard to remember that she is going to have traits that are just her. Who knows , maybe my great great great great great grandmother had this trait. There are somethings I understand where she is coming from, there are plenty more that I am completely lost on.

It does make it harder to problem solve when she has issues in school that are exactly the same as mine. It makes me more apt to just say hmm yes I have the problem too. I want her to go beyond what I did though. I struggled through a lot of my elementary school years. It was not until I had that magic teacher who just got me and broke through.

It is annoying when it is something she gets from her father. Something that frustrates me about her father is he is incredibly brilliant(you have to be to purposefully fail an IQ entrance test by one point). It is just something that is for them. I worked and sweated and studied to get a 138 in my IQ test. Her father was barely paying attention and got a 140.

Its hard to look at her and not see some part of myself or her father. Sometimes that makes it easier to forget she is her own person.  As hard as we try to guide our children to be better than we are. To succeed where we have failed. To mold them into confident successful people. It is easy to blow off the parts that are our biggest flaws. Don’t discount that other half of the DNA. Maybe that is all she needs to get over the hurdles that stood in my way.

It is hard to not sit here and think, where did I go wrong, how did I not see this coming? I know she gets her A.D.D from me. No matter that I tried to give her every advantage so that it would not be an issue. It seemed like it had been working. It is so easy for me to see it only as a hindrance to her. It took me years to see my A.D.D as a benefit and not a curse. To work past all the negative feedback I got from teachers and even employers. If only you could focus……If only you followed through all the time on everything….. It took me years to figure out how to make it work for me instead of against me.

By scheduling frequent parent teacher conferences we can work together as a unit to make her  a better student. One of the things that she has in her favor that I did is a Montessori school.  The part I love the most is work partners. It seems she is finally understanding that in picking a work partner she needs to pick someone who lifts her up. Picking someone who has strengths in her weaknesses and finding out that her strengths may be there weakness, they both win here.  I firmly believe that the Montessori learning environment will give her the edge I didn’t have.

Now to shed this guilt that I did something wrong. To remind myself that I made the DNA contribution but she is her own person and not everything that happens to her is my fault. To remind myself that just because she inherits something from me gene wise does not mean she will be just like me. Easier said than done. Mommy guilt does not let go easily.

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