Monthly Archives: February 2014

When Judgement invades

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Stop.

Just stop.

Stop assuming you know what my life is like. Stop assuming because I don’t work that I have time for everything to get done.

It came in a seemingly innocent conversation with my daughter. Something a teacher had said to her. A teacher I have had issues with her making assumptions about me before. She said I should be matching her socks and she was tired of seeing my daughter wear mix matched socks. First of all ,  that is not how I raise my child. She is free to express her fashion sense in anyway she choose. Kids have so few truly independent choices, I choose to let her wear what she wishes. Second of all, how dare you try to to push my daughters creativity and her general self confidence down. Because whether that was the intent or not, it is exactly what happened.

I responded to my daughter and said, I don’t match your socks because I love your sense of fashion and you can wear your clothes how ever you choose. Her face broke out in a big smile and she threw her arms around me and kissed me.  How dare that teacher crush my daughter in even a seemingly insignificant way.

I am tired of people assuming what I should and shouldn’t be doing, how I should or shouldn’t be raising my child. It should not bother me but it does.

I walked off my frustration and cleared my head of this to a certain extent.

Why can’t people just love? Why?

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.

If only that was true.

I look like a healthy thirty something mother who is choosing to stay at home, but I am not.  Its always hard to see the judgement in others eyes when you tell them you have multiple chronic illnesses.  If only degenerative disc disease had some outer detail. You can’t see it, but I can feel it. I wish I couldn’t. If only all the aspects of Fibromyalgia were visible to the naked eye.

The world screams to conform to what is socially acceptable. Chronic illness is not socially acceptable. That is the cold hard truth and until it is accepted, judgement is a fact of life for us. Something that is often dealt with on a daily basis.

 

 

Why cats are assholes

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I mean really they are.. Even when they are cute.

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They sneak into our hearts and before we know it, we are exasperated with them but so in love.

I am completely and totally a cat person so don’t let this post fool you.

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Now…let me count the ways:

1. The jump from the headboard to your stomach at two am.

I really don’t think that needs any further explanation.

2. Leaving ten pieces of food in the food bowl, but yowl in your face that they are hungry. Sometimes this is followed up with head butts, pawing your arms…or when its is really extreme and they have gotten down to NINE pieces of food they will often resort to tripping you everywhere you try to go until fed. Try to wait them out and not give them food. Better hope that cat food bag is ….well no place is really safe. They will break into it even with food in the bowl.

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3. Indoor cats have to use a litter box. We understand that. I get it. It is their toilet. Keep it clean. But for the love of all things holy, why must they use the litter box exactly ten nanoseconds after you clean it? I mean really? Was that seriously necessary? Can the house just smell of clean cat litter for even fifteen minutes?

4. Dirty looks? Cats invented the dirty look. Along with if looks could kill. Think I am wrong. Leave your spot on the couch and come back, the cat is in your spot. Go ahead try to move them without a dirty look.

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5. If you have more than one cat, you know sibling rivalry goes to a whole nother level with cats. Cat on either side of me in the bed, it will last five minutes. Then its an all out swat fest and you are stuck in the middle. Claws are not held back.

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6.I can also guarantee that unless you are in extreme emotional distress, they will not want to cuddle with you when you want to cuddle. In fact if you want cuddles, they want absolutely nothing to do with you. Don’t pet them. Don’t look at them like you want to pet them. They WILL look at you like you are the devil.

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7. Back to food. Even people food is not off limits for begging. We have one cat that you absolutely can not crack an egg around because she will be in your face until you put a cracked egg on a plate for her. Which she will then take a few little licks from and walk away content. Congratulations you have just wasted a perfectly good egg. Think you can deny her that egg? Watch her jump on the counter. She is barely out of your hands as you try to remove her from the counter before she is back. Leave her on the counter and she will try swatting the eggs out of your hands, or worse just eat the egg from the bowl. There goes your recipe.

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8, So we already know they won’t want to cuddle when you do, they also only want to cuddle when it is most inconvenient for you. Sleeping? Not anymore! Pet me. NOW. Need to pee? That is the perfect time for them to jump on your lap, feet in your bladder of course, and curl up on your lap. Wearing black? White cat hairs should be on all black clothes.

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9. Cats are these strange animals that don’t need coffee to fully wake up. Once you stumble out of bed. All bets are lost. Every morning for weeks on end we will have the cat five hundred through the house. You think the way is clear and you can get lunch ready? Nope here they come for lap fifteen.  This fun race seems to have its own ebb and flow.

10. Cats also get into everything. Our catnip is currently kept in the freezer. It is the only place I can think of to put it that they can’t get into……..yet. This goes for treats and even the cat food bag is not safe from their destruction.

All that being said……I wouldn’t trade my three hellions for anything in the world. When I am an emotional wreck, they are there for me.  All these pictures of cats are my cats, so obviously they walk all over me.  I don’t ever see myself not having a cat, even if they are assholes.

Remembering that you just made a DNA contribution

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I scheduled a parent teacher conference. I found that it helps me stay on top of her school work if I am touching base every semester with her teachers. I am not good at consistency. I know that. I have found ways to compensate for this, scheduling frequent parent teacher conferences is one of them.

It is hard to remember that yes my daughter gets somethings from me, somethings from her father, and then there is a part that is just her. Its hard to remember that she is going to have traits that are just her. Who knows , maybe my great great great great great grandmother had this trait. There are somethings I understand where she is coming from, there are plenty more that I am completely lost on.

It does make it harder to problem solve when she has issues in school that are exactly the same as mine. It makes me more apt to just say hmm yes I have the problem too. I want her to go beyond what I did though. I struggled through a lot of my elementary school years. It was not until I had that magic teacher who just got me and broke through.

It is annoying when it is something she gets from her father. Something that frustrates me about her father is he is incredibly brilliant(you have to be to purposefully fail an IQ entrance test by one point). It is just something that is for them. I worked and sweated and studied to get a 138 in my IQ test. Her father was barely paying attention and got a 140.

Its hard to look at her and not see some part of myself or her father. Sometimes that makes it easier to forget she is her own person.  As hard as we try to guide our children to be better than we are. To succeed where we have failed. To mold them into confident successful people. It is easy to blow off the parts that are our biggest flaws. Don’t discount that other half of the DNA. Maybe that is all she needs to get over the hurdles that stood in my way.

It is hard to not sit here and think, where did I go wrong, how did I not see this coming? I know she gets her A.D.D from me. No matter that I tried to give her every advantage so that it would not be an issue. It seemed like it had been working. It is so easy for me to see it only as a hindrance to her. It took me years to see my A.D.D as a benefit and not a curse. To work past all the negative feedback I got from teachers and even employers. If only you could focus……If only you followed through all the time on everything….. It took me years to figure out how to make it work for me instead of against me.

By scheduling frequent parent teacher conferences we can work together as a unit to make her  a better student. One of the things that she has in her favor that I did is a Montessori school.  The part I love the most is work partners. It seems she is finally understanding that in picking a work partner she needs to pick someone who lifts her up. Picking someone who has strengths in her weaknesses and finding out that her strengths may be there weakness, they both win here.  I firmly believe that the Montessori learning environment will give her the edge I didn’t have.

Now to shed this guilt that I did something wrong. To remind myself that I made the DNA contribution but she is her own person and not everything that happens to her is my fault. To remind myself that just because she inherits something from me gene wise does not mean she will be just like me. Easier said than done. Mommy guilt does not let go easily.