A lot going on in there

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On the tail edges of my cymbalta withdrawl, I have been completely off of it for four days. I will be starting prozac on monday. All that to say, I have not been able to handle my normal amount of stimulation. I can’t have the tv on while I am on the laptop while also sending texts, while having at least ten tabs open on the laptop. I have been reading more. Sometimes it is my current books that I am reading,yes books as in plural..I have three going right now. Sometimes it is blogs. I have taken the time to go a bit slower. Really digest what each blog I read is saying. You know I have been really big on #Depressedbutdressed in collaboration with It’s not my workout.  For once I have been taking the time to follow embedded links. It is where I stumbled upon One Little Word (http://aliedwards.com/shop/one-little-word-2014). I have been thinking and reading other blogs that have posted their word.

What would my word be?

Sorting through words that describe me, or that I want to focus on, or that I want to be better at, I come across these.

Love

Honesty

Integrity

Courage

Thrive

Inspiring

Starting to break these down into what I could do with them on my own since I can’t pay for the workshop right now, it was interesting to me. Even a little eye opening.

Love being the first one. Without love I am nothing. If I don’t love myself I can’t love others. Love must coat and cover everything I do without smothering at the same time. There is one song that I will always always always sing out at the top of my lungs when it comes on. It is the one that when I am having a bad day, it starts to turn it around. Love is all you need by the Beatles. It is not by coincidence that the very next song on my playlist after that is Eight days a week. I may have a thing for the Beatles huh. I mean those two songs just say it all.

Honesty is the second one I keep close. I love the TV show Bones primarily for Dr. Temperance Brennan. I admire her ability to be honest,even if it is socially painful sometimes. Really we need more of that. Maybe a little less of the ego but, I have to say she has earned her ego. When I was in the midst of teenage years and untreated ADD/OCD I was really horrible at honesty. For me this word still circles around love as well. When you love someone you want to be honest with them. When you start by loving yourself, you tend to be more honest with yourself. Even when it is not pretty.Once you do that, being honest with everyone is a natural next step.

The third one may catch some of the people who know me off guard. I have been told over and over I am so courageous to deal with what I deal with everyday. I am glad I project that. It is not however how I always feel. Most of the time I feel like Piglet. Piglet doesn’t even realize that sometimes just the fact that you keep going is courage. It is something that escapes my notice a lot. Yet again I find that this word ties into the first two. Because I love myself, I can be honest with others when they say I so admire all that you do on a daily basis. I can tell them, thank you it means a lot to hear that because I rarely feel I am doing anything really major. I am again forced to stop and think about what exactly I am doing everyday. What I am doing that they admire.

Thrive has really what the last year almost two years has been about for me. Finding ways to thrive in spite of everything that is going on. Finding happiness during hard times.  I am not letting go of thrive either. It is an ongoing pursuit and goal.

So the last word I came up with is inspiring. I didn’t start my facebook page or this blog for anyone other than me. It was more of an attitude of this is for me and if it helps someone else great. It has been slowly shifting to , I want it to inspire others. I want it to show others that we are not just our illness. I want it to show others that there is no reason you can’t thrive in the life you are living right this very moment.In an odd way this started about me, became about others and is slowly becoming about me again. Becoming about me as others inspire me or ask for advice, I tend to go back inside myself and look at things. I have made progress in areas because others asked for advice and I had to really look at something. Often times it was something I knew I was sort of dealing with but not really. Others have become my inspiration to keep making progress on my own issues.

I don’t really think I could find one word that I would stick to. I will keep thinking about it and I have followed some specific blogs that are participating in one little word. I want to make sure that my ADD does not let this project fizzle out of my head and get lost in the 1,324,4545,4591,342,528 other things that my brain likes to bounce around.

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8 responses »

  1. I had the Cymbalta withdrawals, they were awful. At random I would have uncontrollable shakes at the most random of times. Over stimulation from outside sources was a biggy, and I had to cut back on a lot. I kept my three books going though, it’s no fun to read just one. :-). I’m starting gabapentin next week, and I’m hoping it works, I’ve tried everything else that’s been recommended: trigger point injections, medications (except gabapentin), reflexology, and regular physical therapy. Last chance medication I guess. I did start walking, when I had to start using a cane I figured I’d better get my butt in gear, some how, some way. Hope you’re doing well.

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    • I really liked Neurotin…I only stopped because we are waiting to see if wellbutrin and prozac are enough on their own.. I totally have three books going…. I read a bit from each of them almost daily.. Walking is great.. It took me a long time to work up to how far I can go now but slow and steady definitely wins the race!

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      • Well, you inspired me. I figured if you could work through, then why couldn’t I? I think I gave up for a little while. Going through all of the therapies and none working I think was almost worse than dealing with the disease without. I’m worried about the dizziness, but the pharmacist recommended one a day for a few days, then two, then onto the three I’m supposed to take. I’m glad he mentioned that, I wouldn’t have considered it. I’m starting next week, and I’m very glad I waited as I have a stomach bug, and I would have mistakenly contributed this to the medicine. I’ve heard good things about the combo of wellbutrin and prozac, I’ve been in and out of fibro groups on fb, and that seems to be a productive combo in management. On the books, I’m rereading Books of Blodd by Clive Barker, various authors that are free in kindle, and Dean Koontz The Taking, which is by far my favorite book by him. I’m holding off on the three Lara Adrian books I have, there’s still hope I’ll like them if i haven’t read them yet lol

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      • aww that is good to hear…. yes it would be a bit much all at once. good idea from pharmacist… I am reading… Pandora’s Star by Peter Hamilton and then Visible hear and now the buddha’s teaching on the rewards of spiritual practice by Ayya Khema and The heart of the buddha’s teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh.

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      • Sounds good, I’ll have to put those on my To Read list lol I have so many on there now, but those are mostly religious/philosophy texts. I’m a huge fan of sci-fi/fantasy, but philosophies and world religions have a special place for some reason. Kind of a perspective deal I guess 🙂

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