New year’s resolutions are good idea for some people. It is the motivation they have been waiting for. It doesn’t do a single thing for me. I rarely even stay up to watch the ball drop either.
I am not going to tell you it’s a brand new year and it’s a brand new me. It is not. Not really. I just chip away at the things I want to change whether we are starting a new year or not. For me the motivation comes when I am sick and tired of the same exact thing happening, feelings, events, you get the picture. From Tuesday December 31st to Wednesday January 1st is not going to bring any life altering decision to change. I will kick the idea around for awhile,come up with a million and one reasons why I simply can’t make that change, I will talk everyone’s ear off about how I need to make this change and then one day, snap, breaking point.
Change starts on the inside first. I know this first hand. It also has to be your decision to make this change. Keeping that in mind, if you are making new years resolutions, I urge you to be kind to yourself. Remember it’s okay to want to go back to the old way because it is familiar and comfortable. It is to be expected. It’s okay. Next time it comes up you will do better. Even if it is only half a baby step better, it is still better. The world is really good at tearing us down. Stand out from the world. Talk to yourself with love and kindness and most of all understanding. Understanding that change is hard,it is not an overnight process.
I am not saying to let yourself off easy. Keep yourself held accountable. Take a look within. If you need to/want to and have a friend who can be that firm yet loving and helpful accountability partner that is great. Change happens a little easier when someone else is walking the path with you. I don’t mean someone who is also striving for the same goals,not necessarily. If that person can be firm yet kind to you and themselves then fine. If you want to be accountable to each other fine. I have found though the best is that if they do not have the same goals they are working towards as you do.
Somethings that I am working on but not necessarily as new year’s resolutions, mainly because some of them I have been working on for years, are :
-> letting go of mommy guilt over being sick
–>stop trying to convince myself my writing is horrible, stats say otherwise but still.
—>don’t take things personally
Those are the main ones I think. I am sure as soon as I hit publish that I will remember more. My therapist has always had me keep track of when I conquered something I was working on. Even if I only conquered it THAT one time. Then I had something to go back to and see how much progress I have made. Sometimes this blog has come in handy there. Sometimes my CBT notebook is more helpful.
Things to put in your tool box for making changes, support network, communication, loving kindness towards yourself.