Not always the happy sunny Gratitude you think of.

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Sometimes Gratitude is not being so happy and cheerful and saying all the positive things in the world.

At least for me it isn’t.

I am thankful for what I have. I am. Really.

But I also have a little bit of Eeyore in me.

A little sarcasm , a little cynicism.

I have to reach for gratitude. I have to search for it. I don’t naturally think of the good.

Gratitude requires us to not think about just ourselves. Which is really really hard to do.

BECAUSE IT IS ALL ABOUT ME!

Wait…it’s not? Well crap.

 So Its not til I look at things without me as the center focus that I can be grateful.

Grateful that  even though our government is far from perfect, we are free in ways others are not.

Grateful that even though I have pain, I have good days too. Others have worse pain.

Grateful that even though I have depression, I have help. Others are lost in the grip of Depression.

Grateful that even though we don’t have all that we want, we have enough. Others have nothing.

Grateful that even though food is not in surplus, we have food. Others do not.

Grateful that even though I only have one kid, I HAVE ONE FANTASTIC KID, others want and have none.

Grateful is not something that you can think about and not feel just a tad bit better.

When I am in a real funk, I sometimes challenge myself to think of one thing every HOUR to be grateful for. BECAUSE seriously sometimes it is that much of a struggle.

Deep down in my dark little hole, I don’t want any sunshine in here.

But maybe I need some sunshine in here.

Maybe just a tiny little ray here and there.

Sometimes I want ALL THE RAYS OF SUN in here.  Sometimes I am so full of gratitude that  my happiness exudes onto everyone else.

Sometimes I am not.

Sometimes on really special days you get both sides.

So excuse me if I like my hole, it doesn’t mean I am not grateful, not thankful for what I have.

Its just who I am.

I am not Pollyanna after all.

I am however grateful.

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2 responses »

  1. Expresses my sentiments exactly!! In a big funk this Monday morning, but trying to list all the things I am grateful for in the thought that maybe that will help me quit obessesing over what I am in a funk about…. Does that even make sense??

    Like

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