Its not about distance….

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Today Fibro won.
I only walked half a mile total all day. That much felt like ten miles though. My hips and lower back were burning with every step.

If I had listened to my body I would have not gotten out of bed.

It started off with taking my meds. My brain was awake now but my body didn’t want to play along. So we skipped church. I stayed in bed.

By eleven my body was finally getting the picture that the brain was not going to allow more sleep.

Took my eleven thirty am meds and pondered lunch.

Finally get my act in gear and we go off to a park playdate we had planned.  It started off pretty amazing with a visitor that came pretty close to me.

(raccoon picture) (I had a cute picture of the raccoon…but I don’t know where it went. thank you fibro fog)

Just walking from the car to the picnic bench was alot. The kid was off and playing. My only thought was play hard so you are tired.

After an hour of the kids playing and us chatting. We took a walk.

I constantly felt out of breath but stopping for a few deep breathes calmed it down so I knew it was not an asthma attack. It was hot, I was sweating buckets.  I think a few minutes in I started gritting my teeth when I wasn’t talking with my friend.  The whole time I had to keep reminding myself. Its not about how far you walk, how many calories you burn. Its about not giving in completely.

We got back to the playground.

It was time to go. I had had enough.  The kid was hot and sweaty and even if she wouldn’t admit it, tired.

Fibromyalgia may slowly take things from me but being a good parent won’t be one of those. I refuse. No matter how much I have to push or how much I have to grit my teeth to get the job done. An hour and half at the park with the kid is better quality time than a zillion seconds and minutes when she is watching tv all day. If that means I am not able to do anything else for the day so be it.

I had to keep telling myself that I am not supermom. Its not about how far I walk each day. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. To not feel guilty for not spending ever second of the day interacting and talking to and entertaining the kid.  Quality over quantity . I had been walking every other day. Thinking it allowed me time to recover. It may have been necessary in the beginning , now its not so much. I am finding it is easier to keep pushing myself to walk further if I am walking daily. Even if on those really bad days, like today, I only walk twenty minutes.

I know many of you struggle with activity. To get up and get going. Its not about distance. Its about the effort. Its about starting with even just one minute. It is not easy. I am not going to lie. It hurts. There will be days when even thirty seconds is too much. Sometimes just repeating a positive or even just a statement. I will not give in. Even if you don’t fully believe it right away. Keep telling yourself it. Repetition works.  Even if its to say tomorrow I will be active just a minute longer than today. I promise you it works. Its a fight I know.

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One response »

  1. I can’t imagine how you feel and I’m so sorry about your pain. You are right, it’s not about the distance! It’s the fact that you went out there and didn’t let it beat you. You were more active than most people who are have no health issues; they are just lazy. Me included, I worked at my desk all day yesterday.

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