The idea that it takes a village to raise a child…..it’s nice…but its hard to drop some of the pride and allow it to be so.
I was thinking about this as I was washing dishes tonight. It might seem a weird thing to be thinking about. However, things are not just things to me. They hold memories and feelings and connections. That water bottle a friend bought my kid. As I wash it I think about what a great friend she is. That person that saw a cup that my daughter would like and got it for her. I remember that too. Each and every time I wash them. Every time.
It had come up in a conversation a while back that a friend of mine was in amazement of the support net that I had made for myself. That I had made such a great one and how that it was pretty much something I had done in two years. Here is the thing though. I didn’t start out with that in mind though. There were just certain things that even if it included family had to go. The people who couldn’t accept the changes I was making went too. There were others who didn’t understand my decisions but supported me in it. Those I kept.
Friendship is a hard thing for me. To understand . to realize it won’t all be everything i need from one person. That each friend brings a certain thing to the friendship and that I give a certain thing in the friendship. It maybe odd but I have always had problems making friends, well that is not entirely true……Its more I have had trouble keeping friends.
I cut out anyone who was verbally abusive , who was constantly negative or if it wasn’t a give and take relationship. I had a habit of getting into relationships where I was the only one giving. It gets tiring and frustrating. You want to help but you end up just so tapped out. I refused to take into consideration family relations or length of friendship. I had to start looking out for me. Taking care of me. I had to do this for my daughter. I needed to take care of myself in order to take care of her.
It wasn’t easy and there were many times that I started to doubt I was doing the right thing. I can stand back now and see the village that I have constructed around my daughter and my family. I have a village that rallies around me when I am down. I have a village that is not afraid to tell me I had to high of expectations and to give myself some credit. I have a village that tells me when my expectations are too low. I also have a village that expects the same from me when it comes to them. They want my input and respect what I say. I have a village that can give to my daughter sometimes things I can not. By things I don’t always mean physical things. Sometimes it is, the water bottle , the cup, clothes, sometimes though its things that matter more, like love and compassion and respect.
My village is not complete. I know that. It is constantly changing and shifting to be what it needs to be. For me, For my husband for my daughter. We went with a mid-evil theme for our wedding, castles knights the whole thing. So if it helps think about the constant changing and shifting that would go on inside the castle walls. Sometimes I stand back and look and think. It may be a small village. It may not be completely family based. But its good. Its dam good.
Nothing in life that is worth it is easy. Building this village, it has not been easy. But its been worth it. Its a dam good village.