If you are depressed you must be sad right?

See that’s the thing with depression. At least for me, it wasn’t an overwhelming feeling of sadness. In fact I would say most of the time I am quiet but not unhappy.  The Summer is the worst for me. I don’t have to get the kid to school I don’t have to get up and going unless we have something planned.

As long as I am up and buzy and doing something I am fine. I can focus on what we are doing. It is when I stop that I struggle.  Sometimes it gets so bad that I can’t wait til I get back from dropping the kid off at school to go back to bed. To mindlessly scroll Facebook , to mindlessly watch tv. To not think about what is actually going on.

Its not something I talk about alot..>It stats small thought I do know that…One night I just don’t feel I have the brain to focus on reading just one night won’t hurt…..then it becomes two and three and four. I know I need to read before bed. I know its part of what helps me sleep better. I just can’t seem to …..care. Before I know it I can stay in bed all day…either watching tv browsing the internet or my other escape… Just laying her with my eyes closed day dreaming. Day dreaming that I am this person that is in a situation that makes me helpless and I have all these people that are trying to save me and help me and love me.

Its not that I am not thankful for what I do have. ITs not that I am not grateful for the oppertunities I have. I am. I think thats actually part of it…Because I have this gratitude and thankfulness and my brain keeps trying to tell me I shouldnt have it.  I shouldn’t have the things I do. I am not worth that.   It’s not that I don’t feel loved. Or not loved enough. Its more a puzzled WHY do they love me.  Combined that with a brain that has to analyze everything and if I am not planing and organizing the information the brain is giving me. ……I am nit picking it and tearing it to pieces but even while I do it. I scream stop over and over and over.

When Jennifer over at It’s Not my Workout its my diagnosis suggested her followers do this hashtag I got behind it. Getting dressed is the hardest step when you have depression.Its like once you have clothes on your brain has a harder time staying in unproductive mode..The people that joined this are amazing. They stated yet again to depression. YOU WILL NOT WIN. YOU WILL NOT TAKE OVER MY LIFE. Its a little thing to get dressed. With Depression every little thing you do is a big thing to push back against it. So for the first  few days…maybe even a week you get up and get dressed . Maybe next week you will push back a little more and get something done. Just one little thing off a to-do list.  Check out these pictures of these AMAZING PEOPLE who Stand up to fight against depression but ALSO STAND UP and say…MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS. I MATTER! I am NOT A STIGMA. WE may have Depression BUT WE DON”T HAVE TO STAY IN THE DARKNESS! #Depressedbutdressed  it’s one of those BIGS.


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So Now go over and check out what Jennifer has to say too..



2 responses »

  1. Summer is the worst for me, too. Ugh. I can’t wait for fall/winter. Not typical, I know. But I’m a teacher, so I get the routine you mentioned above. And the heat drains me. And I guess I don’t really have to get dressed….huh.


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