Its hard to see things from the perspective of the other side.
The other side of addiction…..
The other side of depression
The other side of pain
Its hard to hear truths sometimes.
Sometimes we are so immersed in the part we are dealing with….trying to learn the lessons and move on
We are trying so hard to keep going despite what we are dealing with day to day…hour to hour..minute to minute.
We get tired of hearing oh I remember that stage or
This is what I did during that stage of my depression
We are sure that one doctors advice is utter bullshit and then come across someone that it worked wonders on. So we start to wonder if maybe we blew them off to quickly.
I don’t remember second guessing myself so much as I do now. Second guessing what my body tells me. Because it sounds insane or because of a doctors look when I explained it.
When I was first dealing with Chronic illness and pain I was so mad. So very very mad. However you could not tell me I was mad. I was not mad I was just trying to deal and people just needed to keep my pain in MIND. THATS ALL. Totally not mad. I can look back now. Back over five years and see the anger. I see that I thought everyone should keep in mind my pain levels.
When my therapist mentioned that she noticed some depression tendencies creeping in amongst my anxiety and panic, I was offended. I was not depressed. I just worried about everything and anything and nothing at the same time. It was normal for me to sit or lay and stare off thinking about everything. Why should I be surprised that now I was doing it and not thinking. It was great! It was such a treat! How dare she think there was something wrong with it. Now I can look back and say oh yes. I see now.
I sometimes get impatient with myself. I want to be on the other side of whatever the situation maybe. I don’t want to go through it I just want to be on the other side with the lessons I needed to learn somehow downloaded or something. Did I mention I am not very patient?
Fibromyalgia, OCD, ADD, Depression, Pain, they have all added something to me. Not always good things but not always bad things either. Sometimes its just added perspective that comes in handy down the road. I am learning to be okay with that. I am trying to be more loving to myself, more patient with myself, more understanding with myself.
I am trying not only to look at things from my daughters perspective. With open wonder and fascination. With joy. With laughter. I am trying to teach my daughter to have an open mind and I am trying not to be the inside voice in her head. I don’t want her to have the mental stumbling blocks I have had to deal with. I don’t want her to be disappointed with what her life is, or isn’t. So far, she is eight and I think she has a great perspective and an amazing attitude about things. I want her to keep it. To stay like that. To be okay with things not turning out how she expected it, to see instead the good that can come from that. It was disappointing that the koala bears were not out but we got to see the peacock on the fence.
I am trying to appreciate the in between times. To not be anxious to be on the other side of it yet.