Normally I try to be very open minded. I will admit when I realized that our guest speaker today was a Rabi….I wanted to just go home. This wasn’t going to be my cup of tea. There was no way I would convince my daughter to leave.
I didn’t….I decided if it was a really annoying sermon that maybe I would just pull up Darwin’s book on my phone and read instead…..I was there for many reasons…sometimes the sermon isn’t one of them, sometimes it is.
So then the service started. Unitarian Universalist are pretty open minded people. We like to be intellectually stimulated. Today did not fall short of that.
At the words for all ages, read children’s time, it was about finding the silver lining in any situation. Okay okay. I get it..not to mention it was incredibly cute to listen to the story they were using and what the kids thought silver lining meant.
I had already decided what the sermon would be about. It was not what I thought. Reverse the curse, repel the spell, was the title….Who would have guessed it was about finding the silver linings in life’s situations. Who would have thought it was about looking past what your immediate want is and finding what you needed.
It was a very good sermon, very entertaining and interesting, Definitely one I would recommend others to listen to. Intellect stimulated:check! It did have me thinking.
One of the quotes he used was from Dr. Wayne Dyer. ” If you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.”
I kinda feel like I have already done that. The whole saying I have Fibromyalgia but it doesn’t have me. Sometimes though I forget it can apply to more than just Fibro.
The first stage was reading everything I could get my hands on. Asking for this test and that test and ruling things out. I wallowed in anger and whiney land and grumpy goo for awhile…It did its damage. All I can do is go on from here.
Then came the research part where I studied what nutrition I needed ……Fibromyalgia has made me stop and look at my food intake in a very serious way. To give it a close scrutiny and if necessary testing different blood levels of nutrients. To compare and contrast multivitamins, to see which is the best for me. I have been shocked at what is in some of the vitamins that are out there. Silver lining here is that by studying nutrition I am boosting other organs and giving my medications a fighting chance at working. Not to mention influencing my daughters eating habits which will have long term benefits.
Now I am at the point that I know how to manage my illnesses. It has gotten to the point that I get tired of managing. No longer is the mix of coping techniques , deep breathing, gentle stretches, pacing, and medicating and slathering biofreeze or Icy hot on. I get tired of looking for the positives of what my life is now. The depressions from dealing with my illness are getting longer and sneakier about how they come on. Frequent self-analysis and writing are my only refuges now. The silver lining here is when things touch me , they really really touch me. I am getting to know who I am better and better and being more confident and content with that. Its not a bad trade off. There are days though…..that I just want to flick off the happy cheery be positive things. I don’t want to look at my behavior. I want to pull the covers over my head and ignore the world. The funny thing about that is that its normally after I have pushed myself and I actually NEED to rest.
Anyway its taken me awhile to get to the point that I can look at daily tasks with a different view point. Yes we walk the dogs twice a day and we have about three paths that we use repeatedly, does that mean I have to suffer through it? NO. Sometimes we snap lots of pictures. Sometimes we look for birds. Sometimes we just talk. Sometimes we just walk in silence. By looking around at what we are walking by we change the focus of the walk. Its not just about walking the dogs anymore. Its not a duty or a chore anymore. True not everyday is like that, not everyday do I go on the walks.Sometimes the pain wins. Sometimes I have to rely on my husband or brother in law. Sometimes I just send them out back with my daughter.
When it is sooooooooooooo easy to be the grumpy whiney person…..I am starting to see the silver linings more and more.
I still have my days and times that I want to whine. I make a pretty good eeyore or grumpy bear(carebears).
What I really need to do is combined The Tao of Pooh, The Te of Piglet(two books written by Benjamin Hoff) and add a little bit of Dory and A little bit of Marlin and a dash of Nemo.
We need to just keep swimming , swimming, swimming, Just keep swimming…..keep things simple and uncomplicated and just effortlessly do things, Have the power and the virtue to keep going, to easily forget the bad and be amazed by little things , to love people and never give up on them. Toss in some sarcasm and we are totally good.
So yeah its a garbled mess but really isn’t that what we all are on the inside. If we stopped and looked at ourselves.
During that sermon a part of me was like yeah……silver linings….yeah.
I think we forget to allow ourselves the grumpy time….If I don’t allow myself that time. Even just a little bit. It weighs down on me. It smothers me eventually.
So I will just keep plodding along, Just keep swimming even if its uphill. I will keep searching and striving to find things that help,the things that make this journey possible.
Sometimes that is the little things.