Sticks and Stones…..

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will break my bones but words will never hurt me.

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Remember that. We said it. However I don’t think we realized until much later that it wasn’t true. In fact there was nothing true about it at all. It surprised me how old the saying is. When I looked it up on Phrasefinder..It was an old adage by 1862. I think it shows how much we want words to not harm us.

Words hurt. Words can be brutal. Words once spoken can peck away at you over and over until you believe them. Its easier to believe words that bring you down than those that lift you up.

Sometimes its a continual conscience decision to think positively. There are some words that are just cruel. There are some words that haunt. Often its from people closest to us.

I don’t know which ones hurt more the ones from those who know us or the ones who don’t know us. It took me quite a while to get to the point that hurtful words from someone who doesn’t know me doesn’t bother me for long. Easily less than a day. A few times I barely gave their comment a thought.

The sad truth is that words can be abusive, harmful and even detrimental to your health.The sad truth is most people won’t admit that.  The sad truth is the emotional/verbal abuse is often overlooked. Its often made to be very insignificant and trivial

It takes a long time to recover from it. Then there is a little part that never recovers from it. Its always there whispering to you at just the right time. When that little area is prone to be vulnerable.

Even after four years of therapy it still gets me.

I find myself wanting to protect others from it. To help them get out of that situation or environment.

I can’t save everyone. I know that. But I want to.  What I can do is be here, listening, offering words of encouragement and advice. Sometimes I forget how helpful that can be. How powerful that can be in someone’s life.

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When you deal with a chronic illness that is not visible, people say things. Not only do we have to deal with what others say, we also tend to be pretty harsh on ourselves as well. There are many days that I struggle to get up and get going. To get out of bed. I want to. I plan to. Then I am waking up all over again. I struggle with my own feelings that I am being lazy and irresponsible. Others comment…What have you done all day? Its easy to agree with them. It takes alot to say. I survived today. I kept breathing, I slept. I am still alive!

I found that if I wrote down what I planned to do that day. I felt like I accomplished something when I crossed off something. Even if that was take pills. Eat. take a shower. When I started that I would get ridiculously long lists. It was then that I realized just how much energy went into each little seemingly insignificant task.  It seems simple to some people to just drive my daughter to school and come back. Why would I need to rest or recover from that? It seems like they have valid reason to say I am being lazy. That I don’t want to work.

Words. They often carry much more weight than we give them credit for. Sometimes they can be a judgement. It doesn’t matter if it is a justified judgement or not. The damage is done the moment they are said.  Often without thought of the inner struggle of what someone is going through.

Its something I still struggle with. I say things without thinking of what the other person is going through.  Its hard to remember that.

My daughter and I like to listen to guided meditations at night. Not every night but at least once a week. Its helpful to remember to take a breath and think first.

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A few years ago I would not have seen the wisdom in choosing all my words carefully. Sometimes I don’t.  I am not perfect at this. I still wish to make sure my words are only helpful. I find when I don’t watch what I am saying its often in a venting session. Those I feel are okay. In fact they are needed.  Balancing  meditation, peace, helpfulness to others and our own need to vent frustrations is something that I think we never master. It is a worthwhile endeavor though. Its something that helps us thrive in our illness. I will do everything in my power to thrive. Even if that means reading sticky notes with positive mantra’s multiple times a day.Even if that means slowly shedding my eeyeore shell and becoming more like Tigger.

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