So really has anyone else noticed that there are some people who you never have deep meaningful conversations…..I swear people really do that….and yet ….they are closer to you than anyone else? I am the kind of friend that when I am friends with you. Its an all or nothing kind of thing. Hey my brain is scattered so don’t leave me to do all the connecting. My connecting to people part of my brain malfunctions at least daily if not hourly. If you will drop everything and help me when I need it……buddy say the word and I will do likewise.
I really have about five maybe six people who are close enough friends that they say the word….I am running to them. Two of them don’t even have to SAY the word….I just know. Just like they just KNOW when I need it. Why am I telling you this? Because when you have a chronic illness and you have a kid…..these kind of friends are essential.
There was a time…back when I didn’t want to get better because I had learned what my limitations are….that I didn’t have friends that would do this. Now I know I can’t survive without friends that are willing to help. Not only willing to help but offer to help. They can tell with just one look that I need a break from being Mommy so I can just collapse and be goo in bed, and sometimes we need someone to tell us to do this. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in just surviving we forget to take care of ourselves.
Now I know that life is pesky and I can’t always stop what I am doing and be there. There is also the fact that some of my friends don’t live close by. It doesn’t mean that my thoughts aren’t with them. It doesn’t mean my phone isn’t in my hand til I know they are safe. Its also is true that life happened to them too and they couldn’t always run. I did however find that some of the people I thought of as just friends, did help. Not only did they help but they were happy to. It might sound odd but this really surprised me.
I think it took me getting sick to realize how important friendship is. I wasn’t lonely. I had my husband and my immediate family and then my daughter. It took me years to realize I needed people outside that circle. It took me years to realize some people that were in that circle didn’t need to be there. I changed. It wasn’t easy and I wasn’t always sure I was doing the right thing.It sounds silly but it took me getting sick to realize that my family wasn’t the best support for that. They saw me everyday. They knew what I was dealing with. What I needed was to vent to a nonjudgemental person. I needed to blow off steam and laugh and be silly. Sometimes you can’t do this with family. We are just too committed to each other.
I found that I needed the socialization for much different reasons than I thought. Now when I make a friend I really do mean it that they are my best friend.
Remember growing up we used to say…your my best best best friend. It seems silly now.
Today in church they talked about how we give back and we give forward. We give to give back and sometimes we even give forward. Never knowing how that kind word,smile or help at the right time makes such a difference. So do my friends really have an order of most important, yeah I guess they do, but it wouldn’t be the first thought in my head if someone called asking for help. What matters is what I have to give at that exact moment that they need help.
So really as long as you do your BEST for each friend you have…..they really are your best friend. Its such a silly thing to put value on one friend over another. Its always bothered me and I have never known how to deal with it. Now I do. All my friends are my best friends because I do my best by each friend I have. Regardless of what they do back.
That last part is the harder part of this. To be a friend to your own ideal and not judge what kind of friend they are back.
Sometimes I still have to work on that one.