There is a study that says pregnancy causes a seven percent decrease in memory ….well …..um what was I saying.
So now add to that Fibromyalgia and the brain fogginess that comes with that……also add to it that I have had to be on Benzodiazepines which by themselves cause memory issues.
Oh yes and it is a well known fact that sleep deprivation causes a loss in cognitive abilities. This includes memory.
It really is no wonder that I walk around most days with only the ability to remember what I am doing right that moment.
Let me also say….I do not accept this. There is no acceptance about this. It makes me feel very stupid. I don’t feel the person who graduated with a 3.9 grade point average. That remaining tenth of a point remained elusive.
So yes what was I saying. Hmmm I don’t remember.
I hate when I say things wrong or reverse things or forget things. I feel unorganized…which I am not. I feel like a ditz….okay well that one might just fit.
I have blurted out that I am my brother in laws brother in law. Nope you read that right. I have told someone my child is over three years younger than she actually is. I have combined two words to make a whole new word.
It all makes much more sense in my head. I know what I want to say it just doesn’t come out the right way. And really when you only get two hours of sleep at a time, who can blame you.
However, I also have a good sense of humor. I find these things really really funny. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on it. It doesn’t mean I am the ditsy crazy person I come off as. It doesn’t mean I don’t have self esteem issues with it.
What it does mean is , I have to prepare the night ahead of time for the morning. It means that I spend alot of time checking and rechecking that I have things I need. Like heart meds while I am out.
Sure some people would say loose the benzodiazepines. These are the times that I grit my teeth and just nod and smile. I have struggled with anxiety for a very long time. Its just a fact of life for me now. I need my meds. Sometimes they don’t cover it all. But they are not going anywhere. I have been there and done that and its just not worth it. I would rather have short term memory issues.
For some people they can take a sleeping pill and get some sleep. My body takes sleeping pills as a personal challenge. To see just how long it can fight it. It doesn’t matter if I smother myself in soothing scents and dark cold room and meditation music. My body will find some problem with it all. I took them for years because it at least allowed me to get four to five hours of sleep. Some sleep is better than no sleep when you sleep thirty minutes at a time.
What chronic illness people want is to feel normal. To feel accepted for who they are. What people with chronic illnesses want is more than just five more minutes in bed. We want actual restorative sleep. When we get good sleep everything else is just a little bit less. A little bit more manageable.
And well as to the newest fact that pregnancy can reduce your memory by seven percent……two words come to mind. NO REGRETS.